You decided to take the plunge and update your look with an undercut. Congratulations, welcome to 2013! Next stop Instagram famous. The trend that everyone knows they are going to look back on and regret. You think to yourself, “Better late than never, am I right?”
Why wouldn’t you get an undercut? Everyone has one, from A-listers to your barista. This 21st century mullet is party on top, business all around. It goes great with millennial things like hating everything, knowing what Parks and Rec character you could beat up, and expressing yourself through gifs.
There's just one problem. Another group loves undercuts, and boy, you don’t want to be confused with them.
You know them by their Brietbart/Trump-approved name, the Alt-Right. Like all things fun and cool, the Alt-Right just had to co-opt another trend to add to their already extensive list, including toothbrush mustaches, fun ways to salute, and youth summer camp.
The last thing you want to do is ask your barber for a David Beckham and come out with the goosestep special. So, what can you do?
Never fear, below is a handy guide to help define where you fall on the spectrum from well-meaning hipster to Richard Spencer.
Why are you getting an undercut?
- It's the latest trend in men’s hair styles
- It reminds you of a simpler time in America
How do you plan to comb your hair?
- Straight back
- Far right
What color is your hair?
- The kind of blond only pure blood can produce
Think of your friends with undercuts – who are they exactly?
- Co-workers at your tech start-up
- People with a YouTube channel investigating Hollywood’s secret agenda to bring about the white genocide
Who is your undercut idol?
- A European futbol player
- A European dictator
When you first saw your undercut in the mirror, what did you think to yourself?
- “Time for a new Tinder prof pic.”
- “Time to find proof of those 3 million illegal votes.”
What do you plan on wearing with your new ‘do?
- A white t-shirt and jeans
- A white t-shirt, jeans, and Doc Martens
How close do you want your buzz on the sides?
- A number one
- Blended well
- “It doesn’t matter how close, if I can infiltrate modern society without appearing threatening to start the race war”
Do you use product in your hair?
- “Yeah, so I always look fresh.”
- “No, I don't want to be associated with cucks like that who allow the Jews, gays, and women to erode their true masculinity.”
Where are you headed after you get your fade touched up?
- To brunch with friends
- To meet your white hooded friends