The following are actual Facebook messages between my biological father and me. My biological father has been absent from my life since I was about five years old. After discovering him on Facebook—can you believe it? Fucking Facebook—through my father's friends, I was connected with a wonderful aunt and cousins I never knew existed. I told my aunt that I wasn't sure I was ready to contact my father directly just yet and she understood my apprehension wholeheartedly.
But just recently my biological father put my baby pictures into his photo album under the more than ironic title "people I care about very much." This was followed by a friend request and the following message:
"great pics, if you have more id love to see them,thanks."
I copied and pasted. That was the entire message. Let me say that this is the first communication with my father in two decades.
No offense, but I am not looking to be Facebook friends right now, mainly because I don't know who you are.Today I responded with the following:
"Listen, I haven't heard from you my entire life and the first thing you have to say to me is summed up in one, grammatically horrifying sentence.
I had prepared myself for this and I always assumed that your reaction to discovering me alive would fall on one side of a spectrum of emotion, either positive or negative. I had not taken into account the possibility that your reaction would be one of total and complete apathetic craziness. So cheers for the curve ball.
Anyway, I have a great dad who came into my life when I was five, and he will be my father until the day I die. A crazy dad, admittedly, but an amazing person, nevertheless. And with some white knuckling, a trip to rehab, and an incredible luck of the dice, I turned out reasonably sane, given my sterling genetic and psychiatric heritage.
So it's no offense to you, but I am not looking to be Facebook friends right now, mainly because I don't know who you are, and second because we are not friends.
Not saying we never will be friends, but what I would need from you, in the spirit of reconciliation, is a little more than "great pics." That message, after all these years, might be the craziest thing ever.
However, I guess I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures.
I look forward to hearing from you if you ever wish to respond. I've always been interested in my Genesis. It's like my very own Big Bang. I think that would be interesting to hear about.
But it doesn't consume me like it used to. I thought if I knew how I started, it would tell me something about who I am. But as I get older I realize my decisions and actions, my friends, my family, my mind, and my heart—that's what defines me, not what hospital I was born in or what gifts I received for my first Christmas.
So I guess if you have anything you want to say, I urge you to say it. If not, that's alright too.
The truth is, I'm alright today.
Anyway, I hope you have had a fulfilling life free of the heavy burden of child support.
Thanks for letting me vent,
P.S. Mom, she died."