Dear Mr. Trump: Years after that encounter outside Trump Tower years ago, you're now the most powerful man in the world, and I'm sitting in the same spot in my urine-soaked pants.
5 Gift Returns That Protest My Gift-Giver’s Worldview But Do Not Reflect My Enjoyment of Their Present
My uncle's Osprey Xenith 105 backpack would've been perfect, if only he hadn't decided to post "We should nuke the entire middel east!!!!" on Facebook.
My niece is seven, and half-birthday parties are barely acceptable for her. And she’s a goddamn princess. Are you a princess, Lou?
There were days when it'd be hot outside and he'd wear a beanie, and not just a light one—stitched wool with snowflakes and reindeer patterns.
What juvenile fun we had competing for the same man's attention while he was my boyfriend. A game of cat and mouse indeed, as you called it.
Looks like the Associated Press is reporting fake "you don't have to floss" news, and you'll have to admit: your dentist has always been right.
I haven't been paying that much attention to you - but what I can say with complete certainty is that your jacket is not as cool as mine.
Bruce stood on the stage of the auditorium drenched in sweat, silently waving with his fake ass smile plastered on while the crowd sat in silence horrified.
The moment you mispronounced "Szechuan chicken," all of reality froze as if someone had hit the pause button on existence.
One short series of poor vacation decisions later, and you ended up with a new shoulder dragon friend for life.