SOS! The Titanic Is Sinking and the Band Won’t Play Any Requests
Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?
Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?
Every one of His punchlines, every expression He makes to elicit a laugh must be met with an unequivocal, unmistakable outburst. Or else.
We found out that for a whole six months of junior year you got really, really into Doctor Who and Sherlock. Like, fanfiction level.
I end every email with “cheers.” My keys are on a carabiner attached to my belt. I call Easter “Zombie Jesus day.”
Q: What’s keeping gators from the kids? A: Nothing! Your kids can get up close and personal with our alligators.
11:45 PM: Really starting to get worried. 12:12 AM: Are you mad at us? 1:37 AM: Did you block us?
Remember: if our competitors are not fined out of existence, then your friends and neighbors died for nothing.
Popular squat varietals include Back Squats, Front Squats, and Boot Cut.
Now every time I walk, they thump a loafer on a piece of linoleum. I mean dammit, their timing is perfect but you know I’m sensitive about my gait.
HIRING: One male and one female of every animal. Please submit a cover letter explaining why you are the most qualified/fertile of your species.
Please do not straddle the beast unless you have experience wielding crotch rockets of NASA caliber.
I don’t want my future to go up in smoke. Sam is always watching. I don’t want to risk my chances of getting into a good college. Or my standing with Sam.