No Strings

Older women rule. There is no better sexual relationship on planet Earth than one between a young man and a (recently divorced) older woman because both people get everything they want: orgasms without the bullshit. (I just realized that “Orgasms without the Bullshit” would look great on a hooker’s business card. Just thought I’d mention it.)

Older women already have money, so they won’t use you for a free meal. They don’t want any strings attached, because they’re realistic about the fact that you’re not gonna marry them and they never want you around when there’s any drama in their lives because you’re just a boy toy to them, not a problem solver or stand up guy.

The only problem is they like to show you off. So, if any of you guys are dating an older MILF or divorcee, I have one piece of advice: when they invite you to a public get together, do not go.

Just trust me on this.

If you do go, you will suffer the wrath of hundreds of jokes that your MILF’s friends think you are too dumb to get (despite the fact that their combined education is usually limited to child rearing and the latest episode of “Desperate Housewives”).

Nevertheless, if you are looking for a no-strings-attached relationship, go with the older woman. She’s better in bed, years of child-rearing and living with a husband have made her the perfect hostess and, most importantly, because of the age difference, there’s hardly ever anything to talk about (I once dated a 36 year old with a 16 year old daughter. Let’s just say, I had more in common with the daughter. Anyway, the daughter is now 21. I ran into her at a pub a few months ago. Man, that was awkward—especially the part where she introduced me to one of her friends as “the guy who used to bang my Mom while I was doing homework”—but I digress).

Anyway, to reiterate, older women rule.


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“the guy who used to bang my Mom while I was doing homework”

damn, that's hot. please tell me the daughter was turned on by that rep...

Conversely, I want to make an unsolicited comment for all the ladies out there (you know, the ones who read your blog because you're so fuckable...)

DO NOT BANG OLDER MEN.

And by older, I do mean anyone that is more than 15 years your senior.

Here's why:

1. LIMP DICK. Yeah, you thought premature e was a problem?

2. LARGE EGO. You get limp dick, he gets strippers and free golf when the boys at the office find out he's banging the 19 year old secretary.

3. CRAZY WIVES/EXES. They might not want the limp dick, but they sure as hell want the fat wallet. Prepare for her to get new tits and start allowing him anal to win him back.

4. CODEPENDENCE. You do not understand how irritating it is to hear whining when you choose a pedicure over giving him a blowjob in the backseat of his F-150. For the third time that day.

I think the funniest part about the whole article was the picture of Eva in Tony Parker jersey. Don't ask me why.

It's funny that you say that Chad, because I couldn't even figure out why I used that picture. It just fit.

Lulu, always looking out for my female readers and helping guarantee that us twenty something guys get the young and older women.

Court, it actually grossed out the daughter to the degree where she was almost embarrassed fro her mother. And the friend that was with her was a guy. I don't think it turned him on either. But I didn't look into it.

Having been called a MILF(which had to be explained to me) myself ...I say younger is hands down ...better .... hell when isn't it better to have “Orgasms without the Bullshit”

Okay -- I am a 29-year-old woman. While I am not technically a MILF (no kids. who wants kids at my mental age?), I am beginning to understand that that whole "women don't reach their sexual peak till their thirties" thing isn't just a load of crap from the crusted gals at Cosmo.

I now understand what you late-teenaged boys are going through, and, if you're hot, I'd like to apologize.

I may not be the breakable-skinny kinda chick you Lindsay Lohan-era people are into, but I can pass for anything from 15 to 45 given makeup and clothing, and I know how to make college boys (and girls) happy. I have. And I will keep on keepin' on, just as long as I have my looks and my libido.

You may, as my generation says, soooo totally check my blog if you wanna know what 29 looks like these days... At least on the finer side of the fence....

putt it in my butt

Holy shit, I could have written this! Awesome!