How to Tell If Your Girlfriend is Lying

>>> The Lady's Shave
By staff writer NG Hatfield
February 21, 2007


I’ve been told it’s salty with a hint of lime, and relatively smooth for a smoker.
You’ll get that joke at the completion of this article!
Don’t skip ahead, fuckface.

It’s common knowledge that, physically, men are much more capable than women. It’s why your mother asks you to open the pickle jar, and why your girlfriend asks you to pick her up and fuck her against the greasy rest stop bathroom wall. They just can’t measure up with their lack of testosterone.

That said, one thing I will whole-heartedly admit is that, on average, women are much more cunning than men. They have to be. Instead of brute strength, women are able to get out of things with their intellect—or if applicable, their big, supple tits.

Don’t believe me? Go to your local classroom and see how many fucking retarded dudes there are in comparison to girls. The ratio isn’t even close. That’s not to say that women are smarter, because we all have our own little niches. Men have math, science and logical thinking. Women have knitting, frying, and conception of child. Also, there are many more male geniuses than female geniuses; so, men in essence set the spectrum. Unfortunately for most of us, women fall on the smarter end of that scale.

"Look at your girlfriend, why is she smiling? She’s smiling because she has you… duped."

And because women are so crafty, they tend to get away with a bit more in the realm of lying. I, for example, like George Washington, cannot tell a lie. I’ve sure as fuck tried, mind you. It’s just that I have several “gives” if you will. For example, if I’m lying to a girl, I tend to get nervous and I punch her in the kidney.

So that’s the problem we have here, gentlemen. Women are better liars. But not for long. Using my newfound strategy, you can quickly find out if your girl is a lying slut.

Tell me how Nick!

1. Your girlfriend is a lying slut.

The first stage in any sort of process is to admit the problem. So, first, come to it dumbass. Your girlfriend is a woman. As such, she’s a lying slut. If you didn’t find her in a magazine or encased in three feet of ice, your girlfriend has typical American values: she wants riches, big dicks, and a dude who isn’t a pussy. By dating her, in some way, you’ve already admitted some iota of defeat. She’s on the prowl because we can’t all be a Fonz-Bill Gates hybrid. Though, I’ve been known to jump over diamond-encrusted sharks on my motorcycle.

2. Use your friend “logic.”

An analogy: my cat likes the taste of grape jelly. Let’s say I made a jelly sandwich with intentionally too much jelly and ate it without my pants on, knowing full and well that the grape jelly would drip on my cock while I ate it. Let’s say my cat came by and started licking the jelly off my cock. It wouldn’t be okay for me to say to myself, I’M JUST EATING A JELLY SANDWICH. I’M SO DISTRACTED I CAN’T FEEL THIS CAT LICKING ON MY COCK! Would it? (The state of West Virginia sure as hell made it clear that it wasn’t!)

So, when your girl goes to a frat house without you and gets drunk, she has no excuse when she comes back to say that they “forced” themselves upon her. If this happens, say, “You don’t jump into a fucking bear cage with picnic baskets strapped to your vagina, do you?”

3. You were hypothetically fucked in the ass with a rusty screwdriver.

When she’s lying, your girlfriends’ ovaries produce hormones that increase the “hypothetical” portion of the brain. If the words “what if” have ever come from her mouth, the preceding noun-verb clause is a blatant lie. “What if I didn’t cheat on you?” is a surefire giveaway. And what if what you accuse her of is totally false? You can always masturbate.

The other possible phrase here would be “What would you do if I...” If she doesn’t follow that with “lick your nuts while I jerk you off,” feel free to say, “I’d fucking kill you, that’s what I’d do. I’d kill you and your fat mother and it’d be fucking tasty.”

4. Listen for “lying slut” keywords.

The day after your nights alone, ask: “So, honey, did you have fun with the girls last night?” Stop. If her answer has any of these words: boring, didn’t, party, kiss, bathroom, or the mention of a man’s name; she’s lying. Unless she says, “It wasn’t at all boring. I didn’t have any inhibitions at the party, so I kissed Bill’s cock in the bathroom.” I suppose then you can give her points for honesty. But check to see if she has grown a penis. Then, feel free to discard the body.

5. Confront her.

Being a bitch is not an answer.You’ll always have to confront your woman when she’s lying. There’s really no way around that. And generally, women act like a cornered raccoon when it comes to confronting them about their lies. Just remember, if her mouth is foaming, consult Animal Control and stay a safe distance away.

6. She kissed another girl while you weren’t around.

If you weren’t there to watch or participate, her kissing a girl is fucking cheating!Don’t let her convince you otherwise. She was either doing it for attention of other guys, or she was lubing up her tongue with another girl’s spit before she cleaned her wooly carpet.

7. Guilt her into telling the truth.

Let’s say you know that your girl is lying. Or, at least, you remember what I told you about all women being soul-eating whores. This tactic is a risky maneuver indeed. First, you’ll probably have to spend money. Second, you’ll probably have to lie yourself. Third, it takes a lot of patience, because a lot of women are too fucking scared to admit to their problems.

Though, if you can be so fucking cordial that she admits her transgressions, sobbing and clawing at your khakis for forgiveness, you’ll be able to do the following:

- Sit with her, maybe twenty minutes, saying how it’s okay that she cheated/lied/etc.
- Then, start kissing her neck in a comforting fashion.
- Move to the bedroom; commence fucking.
- Quickly cum in her hair, pick her up and toss her on your stoop.
- Grab a megaphone, open your window and shout “Free used pussy! Free used pussy!” until the nearest van of Mexicans drives up and kidnaps her.

With a little luck, they’ll finish the job. (Mexicans are a very industrious people.)

8. Recognize “The Signs of Lying.”

Many of the tools you’ve read here have been mainly based on lingual ability in catching her lies, after the fact. Sometimes, this just doesn’t work. Sometimes women, no matter how hard you try with your tongue, just won’t come (around). In these cases look for the not-so-obvious signs:

- Books by male authors
- Lipstick shades that you don’t like
- Coffee cups filled with water beside her bed
- A douche (you wear a condom, don’t you?)
- A browser history with this website on it
- Bruises on her asshole

9. She wears a thong to work.

Women are lying when they say thongs are comfortable. Simply put: they wear thongs to show off their ass. Ask yourself this, should she be trying to show off her ass when you’re not around?

Hell no! She should be wearing granny-panties when you’re not around. Her panty-lines should be visible from space. She doesn’t need to attract anyone now; she has you, so I suggest confiscating her sexy lingerie until you deem it appropriate for her to wear them. Also, feel free to give them a few smells to make sure she hasn’t stolen them and used them when you weren’t paying attention.

10. The Sting

Look at your girlfriend. Why is she smiling? She’s smiling because she has you… duped. You sit there, you buy her nice things, and then, when you part ways for the night, she goes to another guy’s house for a hot beef injection. You’re her fallback. You’re her shoulder to cry on. You’re her bitch, man.

So enough. You’ve tried all of the other things I’ve said here to no avail. She hasn’t uttered a word countering her original sentiments. She’s an airtight vault. But there aren’t riches in this vault, dear friend! There are still only lies!

Now what are you going to do? Are you going to continue this travesty or are you going to have the most satisfying revenge of all: catching her in the act.

This is relatively easy, if you have more than four friends and a pair of binoculars. First, set up your friends on her daily route. Then, at the end of her route, tackle her, duct tape her to a pole and beat the answers out of her with a golf club. I prefer Titleist, but with all the money I save on girlfriends, I can afford a nice set of clubs.

Conclusion

Abraham Lincoln once said, “No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.” He’s right. And if you don’t know it by now, women remember everything, especially their lies. Try to remember a time in which she couldn’t tell you what she wore on your 4th date, or a time in which she couldn’t tell you what song was playing when you had your 8th kiss. Think about that before you snuggle up and waste two hours on Notting Hill. And, fine, if you still want to kiss her after all of this, I’d like to ask you just one last thing: How does my cum taste?


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fucking hilarious

Just so u know this shit is hilarious and somewhat oddly true ;/

haha...'69' comments..ha ha. Anyway..me being a girl myself..its true...(not lying) and that was pretty fucking hilarious, Nick!! XD

It's been a long time Nick. That was awesome.

man u always try to be such a player whats good with that

I'm writing comedy you fucking idiot.

Comedy or not, no wonder you dont have a girlfriend. With opinions like this you never will.

As the author said 'taste his cum bitch' you have the wool pulled over your eyes....

Is it really that difficult to understand that writers sometimes use exaggeration for comedic effect? He's writing with humor, so you shouldn't assume that everything he writes is his honest opinion.

Well done, Nick. The golf club part was a nice touch.

With the exception of number 6
<i>If you weren’t there to watch or participate, her kissing a girl is fucking cheating!</i>... i agree with everything. Come on Nick, dude. If you had a gf which started cheating on you with a chick, and then decided she might more fun with you in the picture, its definitely worth it. If it ain't for you, sure as hell would work for me.

But, still... great article, laughed my ass off. Don't think you'll be gettin too much hate mail for this one. Unless there's some PMSed chick reading it. Then you better duck.

that was hysterical.
AL is an asshole.

My girl got drunk at a party that I couldn't go to and made out with 3 other dudes. Then she came over a couple of days later and blew me. Afterwards, she confessed. I said, "I appreciate that you told me, really. Now get your clothes on and start walking, cause I'm sure as fuck not driving your ass home."

TRUE STORY.

"If you didn’t find her in a magazine or encased in three feet of ice, your girlfriend has typical American values: <i>she wants riches, big dicks, and a dude who isn’t a pussy</i>."

That is SO true. I dont know where guys are getting this idea that girls want super sensitive guys that cry at the end of chic flicks.

I'm sending this to my boyfriend right now so that he can get even less sleep at night.

I'm a PMSed chick and I liked it. ;)

Aysha=superwoman?

salty with a hint of brine.

A guy who DOESN'T think chicks making out with other chicks is awesome and totally okay no matter about a boyfriend? Shocking!

I thought it was hilarious.

what happened to that girl of the break-up pool? was she the one who lied to you and broke your heart so yoou're all bitter abt it now?

like the article, tho, its funny.
keep it up
;)

WOW. Nick...either youre gay, really burnt by women that didn't put out, or you just have never really understood girls. I mean really...what is your childhood trauma? As "haha hehe" as this article is...you have all your facts wrong wrong wrong! I am not a fem nazi and I am not a man basher. Men/women are equally giving/taking. I think women are bitches yes because they definitely ARE cunniving...but if it's the real answers you want, talk to me buddy. I'm right here. AND F.Y.I.: I found this article after I googled "how to know your GUY is lying". So that has to say something for me. I didnt look at it b/c i want to make sure to avoid being caught (youre paranoid); I actually found it interesting that the link was "how to tell if your girlfriend is a lying slut". 1st hint...we dont like that. maybe if you didn't refer to all vaginas as sluts, you would get a little bit closer to knowing how the real female mind functions. If you want to know what is and isnt true of your article, refer to the above post.

to the guys who have read this: please tell me youre not a bunch of tools that believe this crap. You want answers, ask a hmmm? WOMAN? ME? ANYONE ELSE?

to the girls who have read this: what you posted above is sad. I bet youre the one's that Nick is talking about. The one's that cheat on their boyfriends kissing other girls at just to show of for a bunch of dudes that like it...and thats why you put on such a performance!!! bravo ladies!! thanks for purpetuating the cycle. But if you like being whores...keep on poppin eachothers cherries! XO :lol:

stupid bitch...had to come in here and write a paragraph, typical woman shut your mouth nobody cares there is no road between the kitchen and bedroom , face down ass up as i beat you with this ps3 controller in the face!

Wow, really chica? Grow a sense of humor.

Some of us sluts avoid this entire thing by telling the poor testosterone driven pups before the fucking that there will be other fucking. Some of us even inform them of their rating on the fucking scale. If they aren't ok with being fallback fuck #4, then they don't get in my pants. Tah dah, problem solved.

And you shouldn't use the ps3 controller. The xbox controller hits harder, and doesn't leave bruises that last longer than 6 hours. Or so I've heard.....

you talk shit about 20 lies in that response.... Whore....

Nobody gets nearly as defensive as she whose secrets have all been recently exposed, right? Or to put it in simpler terms...

The only reason you hate this article so much is because you know it pertains to you 100%!

WOW...I really hope you are right, about this article. Me and my G/F relationship has not been going well for the past 6 months, or so. We have been 2gether 4 more than 5 years and recently it's just not the same. I would bet MY LIFE that she is not cheating but after reading that article I am having SERIOUS 2nd thoughts. I don not think me and my 1/2 of a G/F will work out. You Seem like a great person, would love to speak 2 u!!! my Email is csgmatty@aol.com

I think he used a lot of humor in this article for us guys that just realized our gf/ex just lied and cheated on us won't make us puke. I had dated my ex for 14 months and when we got into a fight last Thursday she spent the night at a guys house (one I had been paranoid about for some time) I had no idea she wasn't at home until her dad called and told me. Well I got through everything with a lot of logic and found out near everything she had done. She says the did absolutely nothing physical (although I called the guy on the phone and they admitted to having sex) so either way I broke up with her for all the lying she did in the first place, now I'm looking at this article 2 days later and I see how truthful 90% this article is and how the other is just plain funny :)

Hello there. I dated an Ashley once. She was a whore that matched this article completely. That is all.

I second that brother I just finished it off with another Ashley after she lied behind my back the whole time after making me fall in love with her. Majority of women are the like the ones the author described.

well then i came here just to see the search but uhhh i just think my girlfriend is like weird like weve been going out for a month and 2 weeks but now shes ignoring me im nervous wat should i do

hahahahah nick bro ur funny ass dude> man u had me and all my freinds dying of laughter dats sum funny ass shit bro> fucks bithces and get money das the phrase of the day > peace

Awesome! Every word true and every whore-lying-symptom perfectly diagnosed!
It's just the kind of treatment whores deserve my friend. You have opened my eyes.
As the old saying goes- "they look good from far but they are far from good" and no one proves it better than you did this time.
Incredible research!

this makes more sence than all the other bull.great article

WELL, HERE IS MY TAKE ON ALL OF THIS : AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT "ALL" WOMAN" WERE BIGGER ASSHOLES THEN MEN BECOUSE OF WHAT MOST OF THEM PUT ME THRU BUT THEN I STARTED THINKING MAYBE IT WAS JUST THE WOMAN I WAS PICKING OR JUST THE ONES IN MY CITY. SO, I STARTED DATING WOMAN FROM OTHER STATES AND CITIES. LOW AND BEHOLD THEY WERE "ALL" COMPLETELY CONIVING, LIING, CHEATING, GAME PLAYING, USING FUCKING BITCHES. THEN IT HIT ME --- "READY FOR THIS" --- I WOKE UP ONE DAY AND REALISED ---- THESE ARE THE ONLY FUCKING WOMAN WHO ARE INTERESTED IN ME. HA HA HA LMFAO !! NOW THATS SOME FUCKED UP BUT FUNNY ASS SHIT RIGHT THERE. ----- P.S. KNOW WHY THEY SAY A DOG IS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND ?....ANSWER : TRY TO GET YOUR BEST FRIEND TO LICK PEANUT BUTTER OFF YOU !....LMAO

Sorry to hear that soloman. other women are probably attracted to you but you're attracted to a type that have resulted the way they have.

funny article nick, although i hope all the people saying it's true are being as facetious as you are.

that was fuckin quality lol

i totally didn't get shit of it but reading ur articles sure wasted my precious time while im supposed to do homework.. now act as a wingman for me and get a free cheesesoufle

I have tried to live my life by this article

Nick, seriously, wow. U are a douche. Come myspace me if u got something to say, any of u. Pieces of shit treating women like that, seriously that's why u are all lonely "players"... Fyi business has to be boomin to call urself a (male) badass, so don't pose anymore fags haha

Is being a douche really a bad thing? Douches get regular pussy, after all....

Mexicans get alll da bitches

Nick here is hella funny, maybe not all of it was true. But if you've ever been fucked over or hurt, or broken-hearted, or whatever you want to call it, you kind of give up on women. Especially if its happened more than once. In the end, most of them are the same. I know that somewhere out there, their are women who are faithful and honest and true, but i have yet to meet one. I have met A LOT of women in my life, not slepped with them. Just been around, you know. So in the end the only person you can trust, is your gut. But of course, that's just my opinion.

Take it from a woman, dear. You can find a faithful woman who manipulates and lies, OR an honest woman who tells you straight up that there's other dick, OR a woman who truly wants to be with you, but has one or both of the above malfunctions.

You can't find all of the above unless you build a time machine and go way back to a time when women were too beaten down to attempt a lie.

Mike Lamb's picture

I'll take a whore over a liar any day of the week. But then again, I'm kind of a slut anyway. I enjoy the company of like-minded people.

I will freely admit that regular cash and regular dick is all it takes to make me happy. I will also freely admit that if one or the other of those is not being met by the person I'm with, I'll go get it elsewhere. If both aren't met, I'm out...unless they were a complete asshole, in which case I'll release my inner bitch and make their life hell before tossing them.

There was a lot of truth in this article, but what is not addressed is the fact that five times out of ten, the guy stopped doing his job (not his day job, his job as a lover) right, before the bitch went AWOL.

funny and true

seriously your a genius !! its a good humour whit manipulated truth ....i used to be THE gentleman ..always getting backstabbed ,when i read up some part im like whaoo ,make me realize that im way better being something else than a gentleman !!! man shoot some more of this thing !

either that or just ask if her name is Kaitlyn Elkins and save yourself a lot of time

Mike Lamb's picture

Dude, no one cares that your ex-girlfriend is a slut. Take it up with the school therapist.

That's a nice article there.

your wrong on alot of it though depending where u live

You fuckin Rule! I think you hit the nail on the head (comedic but true).

you are fucking retarded you fucking dumbass

Didn't read the whole shit.I skipped ahead.

people need to stop bitchin, smoke a joint, relax and laugh at some funny shit. And to all the girls freakin out, this just proves that its hard to admit the truth. Stop taking shit so serously, people get pissed too easily...

this was really really funny, I'm having girl problems and when I read this it was just the laugh I needed. So much truth in comedy.

that was hillarious!
i have not laughed that much in sooo long. I thought that ashley chick made it more interesting because apparently this pissed her off?...chicks probably a whorebag haha.

im getting fucking bored of my girlfriend saying oh that down the street wants to have sex with me just tell ya bitch to stop telling fuckin lies youbastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is another great site to tell if your girlfriend is lying: www.knowifyourgirlfriendislying.com

The best is to look at body language! if she exerts force in her upper body she is lying!

wow that was he best ever and all so very true. like the part about the mexicans. you are the best in the world!!!!

You had some fucking funny shit in that mate

comedy or not, that shit is fucking true women are lying whores and lies should be beaten out of them

Funny as hell!hey why we all cats

i began reading an noticed the part about the thong.. so i texted my girlfriend and asked her why she work a thong to school. her responce was that "it shows a panty line" i thought for a moment.. and sent back "bullshit". i think she's a slut and im gonna kill somebody if this all becomes true..

thanks nick,
austin

If u fnd the right women she will be ur nest friend and lover. If I think she is cheating ur probably right but there is. Gew out there.
I had a girlfriend tellme she loved me and when I asked to see her phone I founf out she Had been lying to me the whole time and was trting to hook up with someone else the whole time.
Any women that hides her phone go for drives aand tells u there's nothing going on dump tje backstabng bitch. Find. Differant one.
Girls are ike buses one comes along every 10 mins tke a differant bus till your happy .
There's a lot of women out There don't setttle for one that makea u unhappy.

I smell like danimal's!

This was funny, I'll admit that. The only problem I had was that not all girls are like this. You may not realize what you put in guys head when you post this. It really degrades women. I don't care if you guys talk this way and joke, but don't actually take this seriously. There's no reason to beat girls with controllers. Some girls don't have their head on straight and it's really hard to find one that does. The only thing is, if you find one and think of her like this article, you might loose her by saying she's cheating when she's not. Girls HATE being called names and told that they're doing something wrong when they AREN'T. Go ahead and make your jokes. That's not bad. Have fun. You should keep in mind how you treat girls though. Don't make it obvious your scared. It shows weakness.

They aren't good for you in the first place if they lie to you.

Hey, whoever wrote this crap, u are true about things but at some u exagerate,( cheking your girlfriend;s asshole bruises )hahahah what a fucking dumbass, she could blow the fucking guy and how will u find out) check her mouth bruises haha??

maybe all this happened to u and u had not choice to share it to the world. ;)

The best thing is to cheat on your girl so when she lies to u or cheats, u wont feel that bad , because u already have cheated on her. We all know that nothing last forever, only few cases of marriages last forever, but it has to be something special, u will know it, otherwise this is the best option for guys.

Soon or later temptation will get your girl, unless she is really into you, i mean if she loves u to death and tells u that wants to marry u. Still those kind of girls fall in temptations.
I guess men have no other chance but to cheat on them first before they betray you.

this is really funny, and yet the stupidest anaology on women i have ever read. I mean, if its meant to be sarcastic and mildly insulting you did your job, but not all women are lying cheating whores. Maybe your just attracted to those that are.

Ok what the hell? I'm pretty sure i'm not a slut, and i have a sence of humour. But i just dont find this funny.
What do u have against women, if thats what you think than just dont get a gf dont make other guys believe this, It seems to me that if women do anything at all than they are automatically a slut. Am i slut because i stated my opinion too?

LOL it's hilarious because it's true! I am sort of dealing with some of the lying issues with my girlfriend but it's weed not cheating. haha

You are an A-1 dumbass. If you really care about your woman you will have sex and fill in the whole and call it a day seriously! And then if she runs away she was using you from the start and never interested in kids or a family!!

Your all filthy lying whores. Fuck your mothers for no teaching! Lazy ass whores!

maybe we should all be gay?..

Then we all know what we have bin through ;).

HEY TH E MEXICAN COMENT WAS UCKING RACIST YOU FUCKING DICK FUCK OFF

Kristina Avery's picture

spot on!! lmao!

I DONT GET IT... is my girl a lier or what?

Fucking Hilarious Fuck face....
after reading all this ill will surely never waste ma time on catching lies...

Wow. You poor boy. You are awfully bitter. Are you short? Tiny penis maybe? Both?

Yow i cn say nOBODYS PerfECT we all have our upz nd downz bt women ar beta lierz separate factz 4rm fiction

this is sick!

plain and simple women are liars cheats
And enjoy causing painto their male counterparts. I been with mine for nine years on and off with 2 great kids but i will tell u almost every woman has a hidden agenda its pure fact. Ive never caught mine cheating and i have gone to extremes to watch her and monitor her cause she is fine as fuck and i know any dick would hit it and she knows this which in turn gives her the little power trip. I planted tape recorder monitor every call and txt and never caught her so i know she dont cheat. I may be lucky finding me a hottie to have a family with that dont cheat and i hope all u guys find one too. Always remember though if u find her in a bar or strip club she will cheat. If she is a 24 year old with tattoos and has 160 dudes phone numbers on her cell who are so called friends she will cheat pire fact guys. Ive have me a ton of strippers bar whores and such and ive treated them as such. Keep ur eyes open guys and if ur gut tells u she cheating she is. Better to move on instead of live with the worry

Lol the funny thing is that nearly everything he said is true. Couple things are just part of womens lives but mostly true. Some women prefer thongs and some women douche after their monthly cycle. But all in all true. Women are selfish hurtful creatures who far more value what they want rather than looking at a relationship as a give and take arangement. Women will always take far more than they give guys no matter what its just in their selfish natures. And if u guys want to be completely secure go get a fat nasty lookin woman who almost no man will want anyways. But if u want something that looks nice u will and always will have to worry and deal with the huge load of shit that comes along with a good lookin woman. Women like to look good its in their nature as a human. Dont u guys like to look good when u go out trolling for something to stick ur member in. Plain and simple its what people look for. And whats up with the whole thing when ur woman says oh ive only slept with 4 or 5 guys. Lmfao!!! Go ahead and add a 0 to what ever # they give u. Ill be flat honest ive nailed a respectable 63 women in my time ya maybe 5 or 6 were coyote ugly but ill tell u about 25 or 35 were insane fuckin hot. I smashed these 2 strippers at the same time once destiny and sandra at the same time and ill tell u that was off the charts insane. These girls were straight filthy pissing all over eachother pissing on me best night of my life. Ive only had 2 girls at the same time 3 times. But see these are the kind of things that help male morale and ego when it comes time for u to find out ur lady is fuckin some old washed up 53 year old out of work looser cowboy who drives a 1986 corvette. Women are funny creatures and take years of practice to even somewhat understand. Cause u will never fully figure them out. Dudes are simple and have egos to live up tpo while women use that to ur advantage. U know leaving u and making sure to let u know that u have a small dick or their new guy is bigger. Thats the one thing that will destroy a man for life is to hear that out of a womans mouth they love or once loved. Im average 6.25 inches by no means a beast bit i could really care less well maybe a little but for the most part that bitch cums every time and that is major important. Keep ir woman cumming. One easy way to tell of they fake it... When they cum put ur finger tip in their asshole and if that little shithole is biting down on ur finger u cast rest assured that bitch is cummin on ur cock. Also always pay attention to them shakin when they cum. If they do neither they are lying. Women will do all in their power to protect ur feeling when they are with u and when they are done with u they will do all in their power to destroy your ego. Attack ur looks size virility. What ever it takes to leave a life long scar of shame. To combat this make sure to take pictures or video of u fucking other women always document your filthy deeds with the hotteat ones and when shit hits the fan email the bitch all u got and make sure to tell her this is what u were doing when u were not at her house that night. Fight fire with fire. Its ok to fall in love woth these wicked creations of nature but men always and i mean always watch ur backs and protect that fuckin ego you worked so fuckin hard to build.

this article is great you need to keep writing bad ass stuff like this

lol funny shit

Your writing reminds me of Hank Moody from Californication, please write a fucking book.

My comment never even showed up. Oh well. Great read Nick. The ones who are arguing with you are living in a fantasy world. Boys always chase, Men lay traps while rubbing one out. You can quote me Nick, but have your grandma send cookies. :)
p.s. if you people don't like what Nick says, Eat a Space Shuttle.

Nick. We gonna die alone bro...but rather die alone in space than crushed in a vag vice. We gotta start teaching men to build stronger friendships so we don't need emotional dependency on women. Men have emotions too, they are just more sensible and a result of some reasoning. Ofcourse, I can only speak for myself and my friends. Please do an article on "Why are some men so stupid?" We need some Bro Toughness.

I read the early parts with the Ashleys...and thought of Ashley from Mass Effect..and pondered whether or not I should romance her O.O

Christi Bradsha* -cheating whore (frat house entertainment center)
Desiree Blac* - cheating, lying