Top Ten Most Disturbing Commercials (And the Companies to Avoid)

If there is one thing that gets my "What the Fuck Meter" pegged in the red, it is the advertising world and the insanity that goes with it. I know I just wrote about this a couple weeks back, but it isn't my fault I keep getting provoked by more and more disturbing commercials. While it is true that most advertising is somewhat wack, there are a select few special companies that make me all out boycott their products due to the complete insanity of their advertising campaigns.

I think what bothers me most is that I know a board of directors not only agreed to pay millions of dollars for the TV time but also had extensive meetings about the excruciating details of the ad. If not ONE of them stood up and said, "Wait, what the hell are we thinking, this is psychotic," then it begs the question, what other misjudgments did they have when developing their product?

So, in the true spirit of PIC, I have compiled a list of the top ten most disturbing commercials, and thus by public demonstration of their insanity, the top ten companies you should certainly avoid.

(Feel free to challenge my choices by posting in the comments what you find to be the most disturbing advertisement.)

10. Mentos: The Freshmaker

Honestly, I don't really know what it is about these ads that make them SO weird but I think it is undeniable that there is a certain "off" quality to them. I for one have never seen a Mentos commercial that didn't make me furrow my eyebrows and look around to see if anyone else thought it was as strange as I did. It is like when you meet one of those kids who seems a bit socially retarded, yet you can never quite put your finger on why. Invariably, the reason is that they were homeschooled and you in fact are the first person they have ever actually spoken to other then their parents.

So Mentos, for your undefinable homeschooled wackness, you pretty much have always had my number 10 slot locked up. I can't quite bring myself to remove you from the list since you continue to make me wonder about you.

9. Old Navy: Let's Get Campy!

Something about Old Navy has always bothered me greatly. Maybe it's the really old women woofing, meowing, and acting creepy with young guys in their "Fashion in the Air" ads or their incestuous "Family Fleece" segments. Listen Old Navy, I know OLD is in the name of your company, but that doesn't mean I want to see suggestive crusty old women, dogs, and young men eye fucking each other.

Also, most people think that families that smile like idiots and dress alike are weird and creepy... why don't you? I think it's safe to say that a company is lost when they think it's a good idea to put a young Josh Holloway, Fran Drescher, a monkey, and some creepy kids in their advertisement. That's only a few steps away from Neverland Ranch if you ask me.

8. Stayfree: Stay Dry, Stay Free

This isn't a huge leap for me to boycott this product since I'm male, however, because of the huge disturbing leap in the commercial, I implore you ladies, instead of Stay Free just stay the hell away. I am all for strong powerful women and certainly don't get all squirrely around blood or the mention of menstruation, but come on ladies, you have to admit this ad is kind of disturbing.

Maybe it's the crazy super hero to the rescue karate kick leap into the air, the other woman caressing her used pad, or the fact that she puts it back for what I can only guess is repeated use. Whatever it is, this ad clearly demonstrates that more then one person at that company has a screw loose. I do, however, appreciate the microscopic "dramatization" disclaimer in the corner for those who thought this was a real situation.

7. Six Flags: It's Play Time

Now I know all of you are thinking how much you loved this commercial, but don't think that just because a song gets caught in your head and loops there for the rest of your life means it's brilliant advertising. This is essentially no different then a creepy old man in a van pulling up, gyrating, and then asking you to get in for some fun. Someone in a crazy old man mask being associated with amusement park fun is no less disturbing then Sweet Tooth the Clown was meant to be. If you get on that bus don't be surprised if you wake up in a dark well with someone screaming at you from above in a deep voice, "IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN THEN PLACES IT IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!!!"

6. Starburst: Berries and Cream

Seriously, do I have to write something here? I mean, I know I am supposed to come up with some witty commentary on this but I simply have no words for this ad.

No wait, I just thought of something. STARBURST, YOU GUYS ARE OFF YOUR FUCKING NUT!!! I'm not sure what you are smoking over there at corporate, but I would be willing to bet you all voted and decided to use the advertising budget to buy the "primo shit" as opposed to just settling for the "good shit." Either way, after seeing this commercial, there is no way I am putting anything in my mouth that you guys make, especially with slogans like "Juicy Goodness," "Share Something Juicy," "Get Your Juices Going," "The Juice is Loose," and "Turn Up the Juice."

5. Skittles: Sour the Rainbow

Usually I find Skittles commercials imaginative and interesting, however, it is important to note that Starburst and Skittles are both produced and marketed by Mars, which now I find very telling. This is a company that is famous for its secrecy and argues that due to private ownership, there is no need to account to anyone but themselves. It might be a good idea to just stop eating Mars candy altogether, people, because that statement right there is more then just a little creepy.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I got a small amount of joy in finding out that they started the company in Tacoma, Washington and it failed miserably until they moved to the Midwest. Being from Washington state I take pride in knowing that the people there just couldn't swallow what Mars was trying to shove down their throats. You make me proud, Washingtonians, you make me proud. Now if we could just solve that whole serial killer image thing we might be getting somewhere.

4. Orville Redenbacher: You'll Like it Better or My Name Isn't Orville Redenbacher

First of all, my parents owned the movie theater in the town I grew up in so anything that isn't authentic, fresh-popped "movie" popcorn is a sad mockery of what popcorn should be. Popcorn should be made with coconut oil and butter-flavored salt in a real popcorn maker, which really isn't that expensive. When you watch movies at my place that is what I will be serving because good popcorn certainly does NOT involve a microwave. So basically, boycotting Orville Redenbacher is a no-brainer anyway.

Speaking of no-brainers though, if you're fucking DEAD you shouldn't be appearing in new commercials because that is just downright creepy and deserves an automatic shotgun blast to the face!! What? Don't look at me like that, I have seen the movies, I have played the video games, and that is exactly what is necessary for survival. I've got news for you pal, your name ISN'T Orville Redenbacher because that guy died in 1995!! Orville Redenbacher popcorn will from now on be forever referred to as Zombie Popcorn, spread the word.

3. Evian: Live Young

Years ago this company did their best to provoke me with their mildly disturbing synchronized swimming naked babies. I can't for the life of me imagine why a water company would associate their water with naked babies swimming around in it. Is that really what you want me to imagine when drinking your water? What else is floating around in that water?

However, I let that shit go. But you had to push it, Evian. You simply couldn't leave it alone could you?

Well congratulations, you have gone too far with your latest display of CGI baby obsessive advertising insanity and secured a spot at number three. Thank you though for partially clothing your creepy, highly disturbing, hip-hop, roller skating, demon seed infants because having them naked would have just been weird.

2. Quiznos: We Love the Subs!!!

Okay so I don't know what the fuck is going on over at Quiznos but there is NO WAY IN HELL I am eating there after watching their commercials. Perhaps it was never discussed at your highly demented board meetings, Quiznos, but you're selling something that you want the public to actually eat. Making a commercial starring what I can only describe as anally-ejected gerbils singing and playing guitar makes me want to freakin' vomit, not go and buy a sub. Take your pepper bar and shove it in whatever dark hole you got those mutant freaky nightmarish rats from.

Then you have the nerve to do it again, which just tries my patience and proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are completely fucking MENTAL!!!

1. Quiznos: Homoerotic Oven

No, critics, this isn't a mistake, this company is so goddamn disturbing they managed to land in spot number two AND number one just to prove my point.

The reason is simple: it's one thing to do something completely crazy, and then try and recover from your error in judgment with a fresh marketing scheme. It is quite another to completely revamp your whole advertising platform and then manage to highly disturb me all over again.

It is also important to mention that my straight up SHEER TERROR of this company has nothing to do with homophobia (I am actually very open-minded) but rather has to do with the fact that they are trying to sell me subs while openly admitting that their workers are putting their dicks in the oven. If they made this commercial with a sexy Asian woman playing the part of the oven I still wouldn't eat there if my life absolutely depended on it. Remember that old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, go fuck yourself with your foot-long toasty torpedo so those twisted gerbils living in your ass have something to eat other then the shit you've been passing as advertising!!"

See also:


Gavin Pitt's picture

Hey,

After that last ad, I want to eat at Quiznos *g*. Great article as usual, dude!

-There are some seriously fucked up ads out there. Top freakiest adverts for me include :

1] A British ad for water safety/drowning prevention starring Donald Pleasence (HALLOWEEN series) as the Grim Reaper.

2] Midnight Spanks creepy series of animal ads (especially "Deer" and "Butterfly")- which look like something out of a Walt Disney production in Silent Hill...

3] A Canadian Accident Prevention campaign in which an apprentice chef, talking to camera, is suddenly scalded by hot chip fat and rolls around screaming and sloughing skin off her face on the restaurant floor.

-they're all available on YouTube. Pleasant dreams!

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thanks Gavin and also thank you for "adding" to this crazy train. ;-)

Here are Gavin's links to those ads and I agree they are pretty disturbing to say the least. There is a great opportunity here to share with the world what keeps you up at night. I think a lot of great messed up gems also get missed due to only being broadcast to specific countries. I hadn't actually seen any of these:

1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYOmHDIGlXQ

2] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLnF5neM4fk

3] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UxVvE3VRkI

Can anyone out there top these?

Post links to the ads where possible. :-D

Sour Skittles.
Hands down.
OM-fing-G.
WTH??
No. WTF??!
Ewww....

N A S T Y.

And, no- it did NOT help that I was eating cereal in milk that may be a day or 2 past "good"...

Great. Now I have the heebeejeebees :P

Thanks for the cool links I'm about to flood my friends' inboxes with, Andrei!

I love the homoerotic quizno's commercials. hilarious.

i'd seen the accident one. being canadian helps. it reminds me of the car/insurance(?) commercials where people are driving and chatting, then they go through and intersection and get moked by a car.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yes, the VW Safe Happens commercials.
I especially like the one where they admit they went too far and then do it again just to fuck with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqcdt6A8A54

Also, while these are technically public service announcements they are still worth a share when it comes to disturbing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc5EshFNDwk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vik25KAxjDI

There are a whole slew of these actually.

good shit
have you seen the creepy trojan commercial with the mime. ill just stop right there.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Oh come on, why stop there when it is just getting good.
Tease! ;-P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JP4ysaCsTHY

Gavin Pitt's picture

Hey Andrei,

Found some more for you!

1] This French-Canadian ad for some kind of slushie isn't going to help my fear of clowns any:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dR3DDEa0mb0

2] Clearly, the Skittles advertising wing is home to some very, very disturbed people:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxItH0I6xmQ

3] This Australian ad for beer revolted numerous people- so much so that it had to be taken off air:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tML1z720C4

Andrei Trostel's picture

1. Wow that ad reaffirms what Poltergeist taught me years ago. Clowns really are creepy.

2. That was actually the skittles ad I was going to reference if I couldn't find the milking one. Yeah the Skittles ad wing is clearly twisted. In fact I hate that Mars makes so many of my favorite candy like Twix. I would enjoy them so much more if I didn't know how fucked in the head they all were.

3. OMG! Here I thought Gene Simmons had the weirdest tongue.

You're the best Gav.

Gavin Pitt's picture

1] I'm pleased that the slaughterhouse from the HOSTEL series was able to diversify its portfolio into the lucrative "clown ichors" niche... *g*. KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE taught me to be wary of the false-smiled ones. IT, CLOWNHOUSE and 100 TEARS just clinched it *g*

2] Again, straddles the line between funny and horrific- "did you feed and clothe yourself this morning? I didn't..."

3] All Australian men can do that on command. You can see why we're so popular now *g*

Wow, ibdrecinle blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is wonderful, let alone the content!

Andrei Trostel's picture

Wow your comment is ibdrecinle!

i feel your struggle man. nick has to hide the penaut M&Ms that he MUST buy for me (as some form of medication, they get the melancholy out) but he can only give me a handful and even if i beg and plead for more he has to say "no jessie." because, if i got to hold the bagful – the glorious one pound bagful – i would eat the whole thing and become prompty ill.

Andrei Trostel's picture

And another internet wormhole opens up delivering a comment to the wrong place and I can only hope a highly disturbing commercial to some over-eater support group.

Anyone notice that the frequency of these wormholes seems to be increasing? Maybe one day they will consume the internet and cause it to implode on itself.

I seriously might have nightmares for weeks now, just because I watched that. It's just so... disturbing. Who would make a commercial like that...

Hey Andrei, this is an excellent top ten list. I was totally creped out by those roller babies, I mean how did they teach them how to do that?, Imagine the prep work and all the scheduling. I remember those Quizno's commercials, great pick for #1 and #2. You can cross-post this to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and link back to your site. We are trying to create a directory for top ten lists where people can find your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thought I would share this one with all of you.

Apparently a Brazilian public service announcement claiming that if you pee in the shower you can save water due to not having to flush.

eww!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ_DNc1zbxI

Gavin Pitt's picture

Some safety ads from New Zealand that start off as adverts for phony products. The guy in the shower one is mighty hot also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u51OxZF1ltI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8zVnErdPfE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaJHLPwhnF0

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thanks Gav,

Is it wrong that I totally busted out laughing at the first one?

Gavin Pitt's picture

Is it wrong that in the second one, my eyes went straight to his crotch when he fell over?!

btw- more!

this one might freak out arachnophobes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq-Rg3FMvUg

having your car stolen sends you into a Stephen King novel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIknza0XlDc

what's inside a snowman?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVfPjT_4lZM

ANOTHER fucked up Skittles ad!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUmXhCmVaQg

A car that kills cats:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvtzEgFBl3I

Andrei Trostel's picture

These were mostly tame (or maybe the first ones you sent just scared the shit out of me).

The cat one was pretty crazy though....Wow. (still laughed...sick sick sick)

;-P

Gavin Pitt's picture

How about this one? Note the death mask around 00:20...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ7OxEKac4M

Andrei Trostel's picture

Better....I am still traumatized by the first set. Those are hard to beat.

Gavin Pitt's picture
Andrei Trostel's picture

See now you are back sliding....that was odd but I think you initially set the bar TOO high for even yourself. ;-P

Thanks for adding more and more whack commercials though, anyone else have any good ones?

Gavin Pitt's picture

Hey,

Here's another one. I think Baby Laugh-a-Lot is actually cackling over all the children's souls she's going to be eating...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO2OocOVcJo

Andrei Trostel's picture

Weird.

Here are two I would like to add.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhQONWClOjA

Creeper Pepperoni

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9790DOWUP5o

Sad Stretch of Road.

Gavin Pitt's picture

Auuughh! It's the soul pizza from NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4!

btw- checkmate, my friend!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ypdzgyrY_w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp_pVB8ntjI

Andrei Trostel's picture

Wow, That choco thing was totally bizarre.
This is never over, so I don't accept your checkmate...especially since there will ALWAYS be new disturbing commercials to add.

;-)

Gavin Pitt's picture

Heh. True. But I think we can both at least agree that there seem to be some very, very twisted people in the advertising industry!

Andrei Trostel's picture

Skittles, you are so fucking weird!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlZkgdF2_2k

how could you guys miss this one? SO weird! If I saw it before the PS3 came out, I wouldnt have bought it!
See it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqkNPcUMffU

Andrei Trostel's picture

You're right! How did I miss that one...too weird!
Thank you for adding that and actually taking the time to watch all the other ones. You must really like odd commercials. ;-P
Here are a couple of Old Spice commercials that made me actual utter, "What the Fuck?" These aren't creepy, they are just bizarre. In no way does it make me want to buy Old Spice and be associated with this wacko guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGGy6qz5hXg&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYvQ9jgXzIk

I found another one- odd. I know they want kids to stop doing drugs, but I don't think a talking dog will help that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nxuk4kRCAjI&feature=related

Andrei Trostel's picture

Haha, thanks for the addition.

I will respond with yet another Skittles ad.
Seriously, it is a wonder anyone eats Skittles anymore, when they are constantly demonstrating how wacko they are at that company.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhBsvxVCgRo

Yeah, Skittles is pretty crazy. I found another one that is Russian, and it is..just weird.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leVxa8l684o&feature=related

Andrei Trostel's picture

Oh I had never seen that one before. Good to know they are just as odd internationally as well.
Thanks for that one.

Here's another one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yPaLq1EpQw

Gavin Pitt's picture

Skittles is clearly run on the same machinery that powered the monster world in MONSTERS INC. Our terror makes them delicious. Scream the rainbow!!

More for you:

Play with a frisbee and die horribly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-yGTrd4Z7I

This is your brain on...and in...drugs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVRO_a6pQB8

An ad for either Sprite lemonade or the Ring Virus:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydVbrRhxnF8

Giant killer spiders drive Audis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrxrPfbr_eE

Ha, you say- at least they can never make *cows* terrifying:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpRBt0E75gE

Andrei Trostel's picture

Great additions as always Gavin.
Speaking of freaky livestock:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKkZ3hkDF4w

yeah, I'm not sure what this one is really about, but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JT0q6fZSjY&feature=related

Andrei Trostel's picture

Is this supposed to entice you to go there?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y86wgjV_So0

As soon as i found the transplant the rainbow skittles ad, I found another one that was worse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWcoosIW_-w&feature=related

Andrei Trostel's picture

Wow...either I have blocked out so many skittles ads or I missed a lot of them. Thanks for adding them.

Anybody want a singing rabbit?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34B0yV-EnZc

Andrei Trostel's picture

So what the fuck is up with Old Spice?
Does using that stuff just make you bat shit crazy or what?

http://www.oldspice.com/videos/

I am not drinking Evian again

Andrei Trostel's picture

I don't blame you and I don't anymore either.
;-)

Gavin Pitt's picture

This one is a lot more disturbing if you're Justin Timberlake:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv5k9Xh6sjc

Pinatas have had all they can take and they ain't taking it no more:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF_Y1fZG96Y

Drink milk or you will die:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Od6EN9BqVc

I think this has just become my favourite ad of all time:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qj5WXLMTQzg

Andrei Trostel's picture

Good ones Gavin,
especially the last two.

Just so you know that America isn't the only country to have people in it with highly bizarre views of homosexuality, here is a French PSA for AIDS prevention.

Can I get a, "WTF?!?!?!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTLudNA0BxY

also a weird straight version...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8CriEQskEg

Gavin Pitt's picture

Some good ones today!

This one is just flat out disturbing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50T0dxHZsjU

And apparently, drinking juice is fraught with peril:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUZVsnGpKfY&feature=related

He's Back!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHJkAYdT7qo&feature=related

"Thanks for the ride, Lady!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7fhzDUOsxI

Is this an ad for Sprite, or the Ring Virus?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydVbrRhxnF8

Andrei Trostel's picture

Good ones, though you lose points for reposting the Sprite one.

Here is a different Sprite one to replace it.
;-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzy63eAhATg

Andrei Trostel's picture

That was not a television commercial Gavin, but still creepy none the less.

Here is a montage of creepy Sprite commercials part 1 and 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAe4jwTXuPA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6-nrMdv1p0

Gavin Pitt's picture

Hey Andrei,

A montage of Danish commercials featuring an extremely belligerent Panda...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4EX7E0iyC0&feature=related

Andrei Trostel's picture

HAHA That panda was actually kind of hilarious.

I recently came across the first McDonalds commercial ever which was pretty disturbing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtvcoAWPNJ0

Also these were recently reported the freakiest ads of 2010.
I'm willing to bet there were freakier ones though.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, go forth and find freakier ones and report back here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPPl31Y4sWE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mio3sJ_GJoc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG9M86FPDRg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3GHYPUiNwg

Gavin Pitt's picture

I think the UK has you guys beat (except for Skittles!)

Reduce your Carbon emissions or Britain will murder schoolchildren, football coaches and Gillian Anderson:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjVW6roRs-w

Gavin Pitt's picture

Eww. That last one is clearly trying to compete with Skittles for the Body Horror Awards. Fools! Nothing can defeat Skittles!

Playing ALIENS VS PREDATOR will kill your parents:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBZTAtSbwW4

Pete the Meat Puppet- imagine Hellraiser done as a Diesel Jeans ad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7VzWitgeU4

Australian ad for Axe Body Spray encourages cannibalism:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT64sfNWEbw

Give Homeless People a Way Out. Of their skins?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGIFi94G8fE

Nestle puts Orang-Utans at risk- and in their kitkats:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaJjPRwExO8

Andrei Trostel's picture

O.k. I'm not sure what the fuck that Pete the Meat Puppet thing was. Was that a commercial for something, because if it was I missed it. (Maybe because I was huddled in a fetal position while watching it covering my eyes and screaming, "NO! NO! NO! MAKE IT STOP!")

Speaking of Hellraiser like ads...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34_K39JRtDo

Gavin Pitt's picture

I think we have a winner, dude. Australian ad for Higher Edumacation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Am7oKBD3PU

Andrei Trostel's picture

I challenge your winner with a Durex ad.
Actually, most of the Durex ads are pretty disturbing.

http://youtu.be/Eh9XwSgCigc