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I know all of you probably get plenty of head, but a little more
never hurt anyone, right? While I would love to write an article
directed toward girls about how to improve the art of fellatio, I do
not know the names of any fancy tricks, and I think "don't bite" is
pretty much a given. Instead I thought I would give guys a few tips
on how to receive it better. (You shouldn't be so lucky,
right?)
I'm not saying this is going to get
girls flocking to your penis like it’s attached to
Brad Pitt's body, but if you follow this advice, who knows, next
week your girlfriend may be feeling slightly more generous.
Tip #1: Don’t mistake the
blowjobs you are receiving for those you are observing on
facefucker.com.
A mouth is not a vagina, and not
all girls are able to fit 4+ inches of rock-hard man down their
throats at eighty miles an hour. There is also something called a
gag reflex; unfortunately we do have it. Shoving your schlong down
your girl's throat like it’s the never-ending hole of glory won't
get you off and might even
get you thrown up on.
Tip #2: Your woman's hair is not
to be confused with "handlebars" or anything of the sort.
Pulling gently on your girlfriend's
locks is one thing. Shoving her head down like you’re trying to
drown her in a toilet bowl is another. She knows it's there, and
when she comes up for air, chances are she's going back down. A nice
alternative is to hold her hair out of the way so she's not eating
that along with your dick.
Tip #3: Spit or swallow, you're
still getting off.
I know it would be a lot nicer if
you didn't have to pause right before the finale. Most girls that
I've spoken to don't have a problem with adding a little extra
protein to their diet, but for those who do, cut them a break. Your
man milk doesn't exactly taste like butterscotch. Also, a little
warning is nice. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you’re even
finished. We need more than just a flinch. Two words, "I'm close,"
should do the trick.
Tip #4: There are numerous ways
to let your flavor of the week know that you are in the mood for a
blowjob.
The “oh so popular” pushing down on
your girl's shoulders while you are making out is getting a little
old. After we feel the slightest bit of pressure pushing downward,
trust me, we know what's going on. Continuously trying to shimmy up
and scoot us down can get aggravating. I'm not saying don't let us
know, just give us a minute. Nagging is not hot in any way, shape,
or form. You could try simply asking; however, make sure to stay
away from coming off sleazy. As soon as your girl hears, "Baby would
you lube my tube," I can pretty much guarantee she'll be heading for
the door. You might even want to try a little reverse psychology.
Girls like it when the ball is in their court. Try telling them you
don't want them to feel like they have to give you head, and you may
be surprised how quickly they get down there.
Tip #5: If you’re open enough,
give her advice.
If your girlfriend gives head like
she eats an artichoke, you could be in for a pretty painful
surprise. Most girls won't take offense if you tell them to go a
little bit faster, use both their hands, play with your balls, or
wear a mouth guard. On second thought, maybe keep the mouth guard
comment to yourself. If she doesn't know how to improve, she won't
be able to. Some people take constructive criticism very critically,
so choose your words wisely. Also, while you are critiquing her,
it’s always good to encourage. If she's given you good head, tell
her; it will make her more confident, thus increasing the chances it
will happen again sooner than later.
Tip #6: Return the favor.
I'm not saying you have to every
time, but it’s nice to know that the road goes both ways. After all,
blowjobs are not as easy as they may seem. And to quote Sex
and the City, "They don't call it a job for nothing."
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