Chile, We Have a Miner Problem

Sitting around in a mine with food and water doesn't make you a hero.

I can't let this go any longer. I must confess: I find nothing miraculous, heroic, exciting, or dangerous about the Chilean miners' rescue or predicament.

Chilean miners underground photo
Six of the Chilean miners, shown here in terrible shape and broken spirits in complete darkness underground.
Somebody stop me when I'm over-simplifying this, but 69 days ago 33 ppl got stuck underground. They couldn't do anything about it so they just sat around and continued to live. Engineers drilled a long ass hole to them, and from that point on they had all they needed to survive (and more - video chatting with relatives, come on!!). Then they got in a rollercoaster and rode it to the surface, with absolutely no risk of "virgin" rock caving in. (Why do they always put "virgin" in quotes in news articles when referring to this rock? Do we distrust the rock, but roll our eyes and go with it anyway, like a hot 19-year-old?)

After reaching "precious sunlight" (seriously? The sun will be available for billions more years, let's not embellish. Plus, bears hibernate up to 100 days, and I've personally gone a week without emerging from my dark bedroom during a programming disaster), the miners await the harsh realities of life on top of the Earth: FAME AND FORTUNE. WOE TO BE A TRAPPED MINER! 


Journalist #6,349: That's actually, from a movie... Zoolander... have you, seen it?

Rescued Miner #23: Haha, you got me. After they lowered the Blu-Ray player last month, we've been watching it non-stop. Remember the part where Matilda tells Hansel the files are IN the computer, and then Hansel and Derrick start banging on it to break it open?! Luis nearly shit his pants, man! They had to lower a case of Febreze down there just to air the place out, hahah!

Journalist #6,349: ....

Rescued Miner #23: I mean, uh, you know, wow, it was all we could do to survive down there. Pretty dark and stuff when you turn the TV off.

So anyway, the miners are almost all out (28 of 33 as I write this). Don't you wish everyone was as excited to see you after staying late at work? The only way things could get any more exciting is if one of them stubs a toe on the way up. Actually, please god let one of them decide to stay down there. I'd love to see a standoff between one guy and the rest of the world for how long he can get them to feed him food and attention.

If none of this has convinced you what a "made-for-media" event this has become, read this paragraph from the Associated Press:

"As trying as their time underground was, the miners now face challenges so bewildering that no amount of coaching can fully prepare them. Rejoining a world intensely curious about their ordeal, they have been invited to presidential palaces, to take all-expenses-paid vacations and to appear on countless TV shows. Book and movie deals are pending, along with job offers."  

If you have to refer to enduring free presidential trips, exotic vacations, and movie/book deals as BEWILDERING in comparison to the challenges required by a supposedly historic survival and rescue, well then, my friends, I'm ready to get mine shaft on.

C'mon, one more:

Duuude, what the fuck, seriously, are you American ?
You don't know shit about Chile and you start blabbering all this, probably your family doesn't love you. Think a bit before talking, the miners were A LOT of time underground without seeing their families, and you compare with a bear, so then I can compare you with a blind mole.

Court Sullivan's picture

I'm actually Chilean and I know two of the miners personally. They both got jobs working in the mine so they could get as far away from their families as possible. Granted, they probably should've become astronauts or flown to China, but these guys went to great lengths (or in this case, depths) to avoid their shitty families. They had to put on quite the show for the media during the rescue in order to uphold their reputations.

I accept your comparison to a blind mole, as long as my comparison of the miners to a bear stands.

You don't really expect us to believe you'r actually Chilean right?

Court Sullivan's picture

If you don't believe me, I will be SUPER MILDLY disappointed.

Oooooh. So the soldiers that deploy for a year or more and don't see their families except for a 2 week leave don't have it as hard as the miners? They did what they had to do to survive. THAT'S IT. NOTHING heroic about it. Did they put their lives at stake to save someone? NO. Were they starving or lacking water? For a short while maybe. Whoopidee doo. Starving people around the world go without for much longer on a conisten basis and to they get any face time? Only when fat a** Sally Struthers runs out of food and mumu's. There are people who are not as healthy and worse off than those miners and the time they spent in the cave isn't crap compared to being born into that lifestyle.
Yes, I agree it sucked for them and they could've died from exposure or something. Did they? They had a TV......WTH. Someone is trapped and the first thing they do is bring them social media on TV? They had it easy. We can watch tv, we have food and water, let's take a small jog around the cave so they can just get us. Let's NOT do anything from our end to help us get out.
REAL Heroes, go above and beyond for someone else, without regard to their own lives. They were nowhere near being heroic for doing what comes naturally. If trapped somewhere, who's gonna be the smart ones and start looking for a way out? OR OR.....who's gonna sit on their tails and whine about how bad it is?

I don't think it's like that - they really have to go through depression or post-trauma, it isn't as easy as you say it. They didn't ask for the fame, the shows and pre-paid vacations, it just happened to them.
Don't be so harsh...
I bet you're angry, because all your "hard work" as a blogger hasn't seem to have gotten you to fame, like "spending 69 days in a hole, watching Blu-Ray movies" has.

PS - if you become a miner, I would recommend going to Chile, so you can get your own share of fame, haha ;)

Court Sullivan

You are a TROLL> a person who is trying to get some attention by trying to make other people argue.

If you are craving attention so much, do something that will make people like you, not hate you.

Right now i think that you are a troll, your mama is a troll and your papa is a daddy-troll.

Court Sullivan's picture

At least it all makes sense, genetically, why I'm a troll.

Grasshopper's picture

HAHAHAHA. snapped em like a dead man's last erection has to be so he'll fit in the casket

What happened to the odorless undergarment contributed by some Japanese Company? Do the miners Do odorless? Or are they damn smelly?

Well... there was nothing heroic about going to the moon when a highly trained group of engineers and scientist told the astronaut what to do.
Just saying.

Well said

They did spend the first eleven or twelve days in total darkness. Your brain does too, except you don't seem to be able to 'force' any kind of growth towards empathy with your fellow human beings. What a crap article!

Court Sullivan's picture

At no point during the 69 days were the miners in total darkness. Their headlamps worked until day 3, when the batteries finally went dead, and after that they used the headlights of the two trucks they had for light.

From the first interview with one of the miners,

‘The batteries in our helmet lights faded and then they went out completely on Day Three.’ The miners had a Nissan pick-up truck, a ‘scoop’ – a mechanical digger – a small cargo truck and another truck with a lift attached which is used to reach the roof. Mario says: ‘We used the vehicles for everything while we were down there. Some men slept in them, we used them to move stuff around and to explore the tunnels beneath us to look for any possible escape route going up.’

He says they spent much of the time in darkness but would use light from the headlamps to work by. They never totally ran out of light because if the battery in one vehicle went flat they could recharge it by running the engines.

This is a pretty douchy post. Sure I don't think they should have recieved all the publicity. They know the risks involved with working a babillion miles under the earths surface, but come on. Find something else to complain about. I would shit my pants twice if I were stuck in total darkness for 17 days not knowing if I was going to survive. Give em' a break, they didn't ask for the publicity. If anything, point your finger at the endless supply of shit that the media seems to get ahold of and put on our televisons.

A "babillion"? Is that much further than a "bazillion"? And is it anywhere near Timbuktu?

Brian Jones's picture

...Well at least I enjoyed it.

I agree that they shouldn't be called heros, more like survivors. But the rest of this article is bullshit, I hope you fall down a well and no one finds you...

I couldn't agree more. This writer is a douche.

what dude would u like to be stuck in a mine 4 nearly 70 days in horrible conditions no ididnt think so

They never said they were in the dark with no food idiot haha of course they had food, and telephones to talk to their families and all, you should read the whole news and not just last paragraph :/ the shitty thing here is that they were down there a long time and for a period of time nobody knew they were alive. And of course they're not heroes, I guess the heros were there the people who rescued them.
And well they received that kind of attention because it was company's and government's fault that the mines weren't safe enough for the miners to go work them.
And come on, americans call a "hero" to anyone you should know that.

Just like someone already said about them not being heroes, but survivors, i agree.
And also i dont think that they deserve all the fame and money that might come pouring in soon, but they can never milk the media as much as the media milks them. Usually people dont get what they deserve so how would this be any different?
Also it is not away from me if someone gives something to these miners, or praises them.


I´m from Chile, and I can´t stand it.

You´re totally right. It´s like the Timmy O´toole episode from The Simpsons. (check out the first qoute please). By the way, I was watching this episode while all my country was watching the rescue xddd

I could write a lot of bad stuff (what I think), but i´m not the blogger here.

Well, you´re not alone, even a few people here in Chile think the same thing.

survivors they are....heroes, no.
A hero is someone that will risk his own life to save another from, pulling two babies from a house-fire and return the second time to get the mother out.
Oh wait, that would be me....

they are no heroes.. but u should have been the one caved in and.. and the the miners should be the one to call it a fuc*ed up event.

Court Sullivan's picture

I never called it a fucked up event, those are your words. I just said I don't find it heroic, exciting or dangerous. But I'm glad you think it would be just as fun to bash someone trapped underground as I do.

I get what your saying here, but I have to agree with the others. They were survivors and the fame was pushed on them through the media. I guess it's because they were strong about it. Just my opinion, but I'm not gonna bash you for your opinion.

Court Sullivan's picture

I think you're agreeing more with me than the others, or maybe we're ALL in agreement: this was a basic, non-interesting case of survival that the media made into a circus for its own benefit. Of course, once the miners realized they could milk this for a lot of money (probably about the time they HIRED AN ACCOUNTANT WHILE STILL TRAPPED IN THE MINE), they had no reason not to exaggerate the danger and embellish every bit of their story. Does this make them douchebags? Yes. Does this make them rich? Yes. Does this make us all feel like fools for getting overinvested in what has basically become entertainment? No, because most of us don't grasp that that's what the majority of this was.

Hey dude I liked your article.
I found nothing heroic about that either! It's only 70 damn days. It's not like they were trapped there for years.

70 days with all the supplies they needed, family chat, food, T.V ...etc
And yet they are only 33 guys, with all my respect to each one of them, BUT what if they didn't make it alive? A bajillion people die every single day starving, in wars and even in tsunamis, not much people care!!.

If you ask me, I think those guys enjoyed those 70 days more than they enjoy the regular working days.
Oh, they are away from family, oooh the big deal, 2 months not seeing your family is very usual even if you live in the same neighborhood.

huhuhu if u say trapped for 70 days are something enjoy, why dont u tried yourself. i think u wont dare to do it ^^

Yes all of you are right
Heroic is to make wars all around the world killing people everywhere from Vietnam, through Colombia, Chile, Argentina, Indonesia, and nowday Afghanistan Iraq and so on!!
Next one? i guess Iran or maybe Tobago Island because they use to drink Perrier (french water) instead of Coke!!

Bill Dixon's picture

Oh wow, Court! The internet is mad at you and America for joking about a situation where no one died, no one has broken legs and everyone will be compensated handsomely for their participation in the event and called them not heroes. Yeah, you're such a prick.

Am i taking fucking crazy pills? If they were down in that hole to rig C4 to the core of the earth to save humanity but at the same time destroy themselves, than yes they would be fucking hereos.

We'd call them heroes for 3 weeks if they fucking died, then everyone would forget who they were. But now we have to see there big dumb ash and Oakley covered faces for the next fucking month before everyone resumes not giving a shit about Chile.

You know what will make them heroes? Turning down Good Morning America and a $200,000 advance from Penguin and deciding to go on NPR to talk about what it was like to me trapped inside the American Media Meat Grinder for 2 months. Going through that without becoming a whore is fucking heroic.

Fucking Oakley's? Really? Jesus.

sorry for my bad english......

Are They want to be said a hero?
every person who tried to survive I call a hero. because it is difficult to survive.
let you experience the same situation, what would you do?

one more thing

man who fought to kill another human being can never be called a hero.

Paul Frank's picture

I liked the old title of this better...

Superfresh's picture

Despite the somewhat trolling tone this was written in, it rings so true.

Funny how many people don't like to hear about how their media heroines are false idols lol

Nidjo's picture

I have a feeling a lot of the early comments were made by one or two people. The language and message were too similar to be individual posters each time.
Either way, I'm with you on every level. Being trapped underground = very shitty. Being found, knowing you're going to get rescued, having enough room to excercise, shit, and watch TV!!! is hardly the worst possible senerio. I mean, unless they were pumping "The View" down there.

Someone should throw you in a fucking hole for 70 days, and see how you make out. Hell, I bet you wouldn't last a week without your computer. To compare being stuck 700m underground, to staying late for work is borderline retarded. I'm actually upset you even felt slightly compelled to express your feelings. My intelligence level has dropped significantly as a result.

Thanks for this marvelous post, unknown author.

Court Sullivan's picture

Hello, my name is Court Sullivan (known), and my whole point is that I would gladly "endure" 69 days underground in exchange for fame and fortune. I'm sure the fact that I'm a claustrophiliac would only add to the enjoyment.

Glad I could both upset you and make you dumber at the same time. Read more of my blog and die.

ahahahaah wall text of crap!

court sullivan... pathetic..

Dude, what would you do if that hapened to you? Would you run arround, dance, sing? If you didn`t experience something better shut up than say something stupid and idiotic. Thank God they made it out alive. Cheers for the Brave Chilean Miners

Court Sullivan's picture

Chilean Miners: Still greedy cowards!

personally. I think it's a miracle they are discharged alive!

faisaint in the hole. the mine could collapse. then it's a miracle they are released alive. they are not heroes but the miracle of life. their lives have changed forever

I see all the hatred coming from the comments, but the fact of the matter is they aren't heroes, they were victims. The rescue teams working day and night, wives and ex-women (of the wife and ex wife type) were bigger heroes than the guys down there because they stayed up day and night with rescue teams to get these guys out of there...

while you guys complain about what Court was talking about, think real hard about the people who got no credit for the event and don't get the presidential trips and book deals etc. The people who worked day and night to free them should be commended more than the Miners themselves.

On that note, I'll say that the hardest part they dealt with upon reaching the surface was dealing with the light...but they got some pretty cool shades out of the deal.

So, author, how long has it been since you associated with the rest of humanity? Would you like to make any cracks about 9/11 survivors while you're at it?

Court Sullivan's picture

It's been a long time bro, good to hear from you! Here's the info you requested: