9 Awesome Things About Being Gay

Originally, I almost wrote some jokes about how times are going to be tough, whether you're gay, straight, white, black, a third-party candidate in the USA or whatever.

Also, I thought about bashing celebrities and their all-of-a-sudden concern for an issue that's been around a lot longer than a week and a half ago. But shit, it's like open season on gay people in the States, so I'll try to be a little more motivational.

I'm not gay, but in the past lowlifes called me "gay," "faggot" and plenty of other colorful insults. Granted, this is only once in a while, not every day. I've also been called a "potato n!@@er" but that's another story. Doesn't mean I enjoyed it though. Even so, I can't imagine you ever grow used to that. And that sucks.

However, here are a few awesome things about being gay.

1. You can hate-fuck Anderson Cooper. I truly don't believe there's anything wrong with being gay, but Anderson Cooper annoys the hell out of me. And no shit that guy's gay. Cooper, you work for CNN. It's not like they're going to fire you. And most of your audience is gay guys wanting to bang you... and a couple of my ex-girlfriends.

2. No matter how crappy your haircut or clothes, you can just say, "I'm gay. And this is in fashion right now." And most people will believe you.

3. You don't have to deal with women as sexual partners, because they're a HUUUUUUGE pain in the ass. Unless you're a lesbian, then you're double screwed.

4. Allegedly, the blowjobs a gay guy receives are a lot better than any I'll ever receive. (Sad kc face).

5. Nobody questions your sexuality if you use emoticons.

6. You can always say, "My friend fucked (insert celebrity's name here)" and fudge with people's minds.

7. You have the opportunity to just let yourself go, get fat and say, "Fuck it. I'm a bear."

8. When it's girls' night out, you can hang out with all the girls and then tell me which drunk chicks want to bang me.

9. Maybe people will only ask you to help them decorate, not move their fucking hide-a-bed couches and pianos?

Yeah, that's all I've got. I know a couple handfuls of shitty "why it's okay to be gay" jokes isn't going to cure a lot of the pain and problems gay folks go through on a daily basis, but if I can crack a smile in somebody's face, that's good enough for me.

Some my homo homies, I'm calling it a night. Keep doing what (and who) you're doing.

kc