Pirates of the Caribbean: Snack Attack

Recently, I stumbled upon one of the strangest vending machine foods I've ever seen: a mysterious bag of "Pirates of the Caribbean." At first glance, I couldn't even figure out whether it was actually an edible selection, or whether it was just "dummy product placement" for something that couldn't even be purchased. But alas, I couldn't resist the allure of a blockbuster movie in my mouth, so I whipped out my gay change purse, stuffed that bad boy vending machine full of silver, and AAAAAARGH!, out popped a bag of "Pirates of the Caribbean."

And you'll never believe what was inside.



Unlikely Things I Found in my Pirates of the Caribbean Fruit Snack Pack:

- A "Get out of walking the plank free" card.
- Script for Pirates of the Caribbean: Aaargh, Another One?, aka Pirates of the Caribbean 13.
- Jerry Bruckheimer's wallet, stuffed with flavored condoms.
- The curse of the pink clam.
- Johnny Depp deep in character with a banana.
- Kellogg's Gummi Flakes.
- Lawsuit settlement papers from Sir Francis Drake.
- Walt Disney in Orlando (Bloom).
- A hook for P. Diddy's next smash R&B single.
- Remnants of a Toast Chee wrapper torn to shreds.
- Traces of Geoffrey Rush's last orgasm (thanks Keira Knightley).
- Fruit flavored gold Johnny Depps dipped in hot caramel.
- A treasure map detailing a path leading to an X at E8.
- An FDA label stating, "Contains 5% Caribbean."
- J Lo's booty.
- Preview for Snakes on a Plane fruit flavored venom energy drink, available on DVD January 2007.
- A dead man's chest hair.
- A 45 cent refund.

I guess now we know why the movie grossed so much.

Here's to another yummy sequel!