How to Rob a House

Burglar robbing a TV inside a house

There is a substantial subset of people who find PIC through Google searches. Two of the classics they often stumble upon are Nate's "How to Be a Drug Dealer" and "How to Get Away with Murder" articles. No doubt two very important occupations (drug dealer and murderer) that would send the majority of news organizations into bankrupty were it not for the host of people completely unqualified to work them.

Most of the people reading these guides leave ridiculous comments with their own 2 cents on the matters, or a thumbs up, or some retarded additional tips. But until now, not a single person from this subset has offered a new guide in a related field.

So today, I am proud to present you with the first unedited article submission tackling another illegal profession: robbery. Don't read too closely, for those of you breaking and entering will likely need a lot more instruction before making this a career.

-Court



HOW TO ROB A HOUSE

first of all, this is my first artical my spelling is not that good but i know how to commit crime and thats what im hear to help you with.

depends on the situation but you will probably need face mask, wepon, bag, beach towell....WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED PHONE,WALLET,HEAVY CLOTHING,JEANS ECT anything that will slow you down or leave evidence!

SUS EVERYTHING AROUND AND IN THE HOUSE.

b4 you get down and dirty, you must sus everything around and in the house example "neighbours, people, dogs, and ect.

HOW TO TELL IF ANY1S HOME.

now if you dont do this well it can turn up being very ugly. first go to the front door knock and wait and remember waiting is important. if someone opens the front door be nice and polite and say "hey i was wondering if jake there please" you pick the name anyway you get the point what im trying to get threw is ask for someone who is not obvisouly not gonna be there when the person says no sorry i think you got the wrong house react like your surprized and say the the number a couple of houses up or whatever.

GETTING INTO THE HOUSE.

now this is the part where everyone get's nervous and its also one of the hardiest, most people who own a HOUSE will leave a window or a door or somthing open you must sus this out b4 jumping to the next idea. if you cant find anything then find the most sacluded window a.k.a where know one can see or hear. find an object that will break the window and this is where your beach towell will come in handy.lay the towell under the window this way it will avoid the noice of broken glass shattering all over the floor then break the window p.s dont hesitate to throw hard if you do it in 1 turn the betta. you might then want to go back outside across the street ect, and chill and see if police or neighbours rock up if not scrap a tool or wepon across the bottom of the window this will avoid cutting youself and then place the towell over it and jump in. if your with mates to avoid them making more noice or whatever first one in threw the window should open the back door or easy entrance for them.

WHAT TO GET?
plain and simple best thing are jewllrey, money, gaming consoles, eletrical apliances, ipod phones, games, computers.

SAFTEY AND AVOID BEING IN JAIL DO THESE THING!!!
IMPORTANT!

1. WEAR GLOVES
2.BRING WEPON
3.DONT BE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANYTHING!
4.IF CAUGHT DONT SNITCH
5.IF YOU FOLLOW THESE RULES AND USE COMMON SENSE YOU WILL SUCCSESSFULLY BE ABLE TO ROB A HOUSE.

Continue to "How to Get Away with Murder" or "How to Be a Drug Dealer"



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Day or night?

Daytime, and be sure to get a slow car that makes lots of noise, an ice cream truck will do fine. Also bust the tail light so the police will pull you over.

you say that sarcastically but you actually do want to do it in the daytime because kids are at school and parents are at work. at night everyone is home

shut up yu stupid bitch have yu not seen home alone 3.

lmao

holy shit this is funny lol hahhaahha

To the person who put all the steps. Listen you fucker - it is not building a computer where one should follow the steps and get it done. This is serios shit.
When I did this - i.e. rang the bell and asked nicely if Jack is home. The 6 feet guy invited me in and then locked the door behind me like he almost knew what I was upto. He then took me in to a spare room and started beating the shit out of me until I admitted what my intentions were. I still have trouble sleeping at night from that incident.

My advise - eat less but you earn it rather than robbing people. Because one day you will get caught and everything will be squared.

Cheers,
Roni

I hate to say it, but when you rob people they get pissed, grab a gun next time if your a pussy????? From, a convicted felon.

Wait a fucking minute. So let me get this straight. You knocked on the house and asked for someone that you didn't know lived there right? Okay then the guy who answered probably looked at your pussy ass face covered in fear and suspicion and naturally thought something was wrong correct? Then the owner of the house that you wanted to rob invites you in and you went in? What did you fucking expect???? Milk and cookies and gifts from Santa Clause? Your a fucking idiot and deserved to get your ass beat.

fuck me, I am a criminal. You want to rob a house? make sure fucker is not home, take the pry bar and pry the fucking door open, easy. SEARCH the fucking house, not toss shit on the ground because your scared, search the motherfucker you are already there. Put the shit in a backpack or your car or what the fuck ever you addict(smile). NOW get the fuck out, pawn it, buy heron, be happy. Good luck if your looking online for this info, you fuck.

fuck me, I am a criminal. You want to rob a house? make sure fucker is not home, take the pry bar and pry the fucking door open, easy. SEARCH the fucking house, not toss shit on the ground because your scared, search the motherfucker you are already there. Put the shit in a backpack or your car or what the fuck ever you addict(smile). NOW get the fuck out, pawn it, buy heron, be happy. Good luck if your looking online for this info, you fuck.

Wear some socks over your shoes and throw them away after

i used this shit and got caught

lolololol

thats beacus your a dum ass lol he forgot mask and at night and be on look out for nabors lol

me 2 i had to share a cell with a big black gorrila named Tommy he kept screaming about philly cheese steak pizzas

no shit but they were home i burst in shooting IT FAILED I WAS HIGH ON COKE

maybe your first move shouldn't be to burst in shooting, lookin at some good ole time

Are you black?

You said this in the beginning but I just wanted to say again that you need a bag. Preferably without a zipper and ffs not a plastic bag.

what is sus?

To suspect.

To sus something out is to figure or check it out

I cant believe it!!! It worked!!!! Can u sell de things u stole at a pawn shop far away from the place u robbed?Cus I don't want the ipad thing....

yall are some stupid boys!!!!

you just admitted to robbing something... police prolly watch these forums... dont be a dumbass man

fuck you scrap, ur retared .....NORTE::

Fuk Norputas...V.Sureños13 Gang Los DxE Diablos

omfg i was having a bad saturday cuz of my gf and now im laughing my ass off hahahaha this forums the shit bro!!

yo what the fuck is sus?
and for real you're all crack heads or niggers if your robbin fuckin houses. im the one selling you your crack and makin more flow than bill gates. get a fucking job you retards.

To sus is to pre-plan.. for e.g to sus out how you are going to break in is to plan how you are going to break in before you actually do it.. to sus out what your stealing is to know what your going to steal before you get inside.

In other words...Premeditated? I hope every one of you fucks get robbed from someone using this info. You ever hear of silent alarms, bark-less guard dogs, boobie traps, neighborhood watch, patrolled areas, CCTV, and dumb fucks. Include all of that, a prison sentence and possibly intensive care. You think your all slick, along with the hundreds of burglars that get caught on a daily basis. You think it would't happen to you but it will. It's better to get a job and save money. So when one of you fucks come through my window or in my door, I shall use my 2nd amendment right to shot you in your face. You never know who's on the other side.

Ever hear of someone scoping out your house so that they know that you have all of those things plus the blueprint of your house so they know your house better than you? They know what time you go to bed, when you wake, eat, dream, shit, fuck, work, and know what you are. Not all criminals are stupid just the ones that get caught. So when there's a nine mm aiming at your face when you wake think that the trigger wont be pulled right back at you ;)? Yeah your talking about stupid criminals no different from a stupid cop he's on the lowend and off the force right? You never know who's on the other side. FUCK THE POLICE.

not cool 2 advertise..

You called people retards while claiming to make more flow than Bill Gates by selling crack. You suck.

hahahahaha thats funny

making more than bill gates? man if you did anything close to that, even if you had a job I dont think you would be commenting on a useless forum to exspress your emotions.

Ha your a fucking Twat you couldn't sell meth to a graveyard shift gas station worker!

hahahahahahaha YESSSSSSS

this is crazy ,i pray noone tryes this shit.you will go to jail,u cant do wrong and get away with it.work for what u want dumasses

Hey man I've got a job, work my ass off, and still do shit like this. Never robbed a house but I have sold quite a bit of loot to pawnshops:)

YOU GET A FUCKING JOB BITCH!!!YOUR THE ONE SELLING CRACK AND KILLING MILIONS OF AMERICANS!!!!!!! YOUR PROBABLY A NIGGER

YOUR PROLLY A FUCKING NIGGER YOUR THE ONE SELLING CRACK TO MILLIONS OF AMERICANS YOUR FUCKING DUMB ASS!!!! AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING TO GET A REAL JOB YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB YOU LAY YOUR FAT ASS AROUND WAITING TO SELL A ROCK!! YOUR PROBABLY JUST FRONTIN YOUR PROBABLY SOME BIG FAT FUCK WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME GET A FUCKING LIFE

FUCK YOU PIG LICKING SHIT BOX ITS YOUR PEOPLE THAT DO THAT SHIT AND KIND NAP TO

lmao I love how everyone suspects he's a nigger and say it like its bad lol thank god im not black! :)

As a blue collar American of latin decent I find this insulting. I don't find their profession any more different than the white trailer trash and rednecks that operate meth labs. Do you? Didn't think so. If you honestly believe that this is the guy selling crack to millions of Americans then I mourn for how incredibly idiotic my once well respected nation is. Even if it was said out of context not one single fucking retard would say this in their right mind. You want to go back and re-read what you posted? Your obviously a simple minded idiot and your probably earning 7.25 at Mickey D's while Bernie Madoff steals billions from people like you and he was once the chairman of NASDAQ. Not that you would know anything about it. How about we catch those criminals huh? Oh wait it's okay because they're white. Your right lets catch the blacks and latinos that sell locally and earn just enough to eat while presidents a.k.a G.W.B. can sell a shit ton of stocks and make millions of one deal because of insider info. Go learn something you dumb fuck rather than sounding like a dumb bitch on the internet. Fuck you. P.S. I don't really like black people either but some are Gucci like my nigga Kanye.

says the fuckin crack dealer...

fucking raciset

Really. Says the genious who can't even spell "raceist" correctly.

And again.......

You spelled "racist" wrong. Don't fuck up your spelling if you are going to even attempt to correct someone else, dumbass.

you got a problem with back people bra

Hahaha tell erm fam das wah I mean ,move snow bruv break into house is dumb no lie !!

your all wrong. The number one thing to remeber, if your going to rob a house, is to leave an oversised stuffed pooh bear in their living room. its also best to take a camera with you, so you can take pictures of you dry humping the bear in the living room. leave these pictures on their dining room table. i swear you wont get caught. and if you do, dry hump the bear while singing. works every time...

Court Sullivan's picture

i always had a feeling this was the most overlooked component of any successful burglary. i like the fact that plan B is just a live version of plan A.

The best way is to just get a giant fork lift and take the whole house. Also install nos just for that boost in case someone buzzes the fuzz. Try to keep the pets, dog goes high on the asian black food market.

lulzlzlzllzzzz. good 1 mait

my comment is, i want to have a dealer who is ready to make business in ghana. i have what it takes to support him in distribution of the drug and since my country is a transit point for most of the drug dealers am ready to help every body

im ready to deal

Ok man,just give a call and with this number 23770207438 so that we can get down tn bussiness

Wow your an idiot who ever put your number on there I just reported you to the FBI gave them that number and this link there looking into you.

U fuckin grass u pussy faced waste man if I knew whoa u was I would put u in a fuckin box u bogus cunt

same here mate
fuck haters

YOU ALL ARE FUCKING PUSSY ASS BITCHES EVERYONE IS ANONYMOUS AND DONT NO BODY KNOW ANYONE YOU ARE JUS COMPUTER TOUGH GUYS THATS ALL YOUR ALL PROLLY REALLY BIG FAT FUCKS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO THEN PRETEND TO ROB HOUSES

Hook me up

you got to do it during the day you want to do it while the owners are at work therfore no one will be home also you always want to have someone being on the look out so that if anything happens he can honk and alert everyone inside if a cop pulls up say your having car trouble and you only honked to flag him down also dont take anything to a pawn shop they run those numbers take it to like drug dealers theyll give you money or drugs for it and you sell the drugs to make your money let them figure out what to do with the stolen merchandise just a few pointers i thought yall might want to know happy robbing

Us white folks unfortunately have jobs, so daytime is out for us. I'm not a racist, just a realist. Facts are facts, and if you don't like them, change your behavior.

okay so, check this out, the best way to rob someone is to scope out the house for a few days, but far enough away that noone will know what your doin and make sure your close enough to see what they do, give it two weeks to make sure, if the door has only a bottom lock, then use a flathead screw driver and pop the top , but if its got both then u need a crowbar, wear a beanie, socks over shoes, bring a backpack, and never ever just walk up to someones house if u dont know them and make sure there are no cameras because if its a nice house then its most likely got cameras and make sure to wear gloves and park your car a few blocks away and try to go in the back door if possible, and im (15).... and wtf are yall arguing for?........ shiit your not supposed to plan shit because it never works out that way and if u get money replace it with paper or somethin to look like money, atleast to make it look like the money long enough for you to be way done gone and spent it,

Make sure , if the alarm is raised, raise your knife and commit suicide to avoid capture. If that fails, rape the homeowners' pet.

fuck u

I used these tips to rob a house and when i got to the front door a little girl anwsered, i got scared and paniced. Now im stuck with a little girl in my basement. Anyone want to buy her? No shiping, pick up only.

i wont buy her, but ill have a go, trade for my little boy?

all of u ppl are sick in the head....you all need serious mental help

yo , i got a better idead to rob an house ... You get a big ass house 1 $ milion or more and you spy and do your homework to watch the owners schedule. Then u wait for the rich owner to get to work and u get in with a weapon and u handcuff the rich wife while askin her to give you all the big things .

Is that any good ?

if you need a hand guide then criminal enterprises are better left to the professionals

I don't see how bringing a weapon would help you avoid jail though...

definately wouldnt help you avoid jail. infact, it will increase your time in jail if you're caught

Brining a weapon is just in case someone walks in. You have to kill the person if you don't your in jail for years man.

Or wear a mask and tie the person to a chair, handcuff, ducktape his/her eyes and mouth shut.
Burn the mask and clothes.
Or just just threaten with a knife, tell him or her to sit in the chair, tie him or her, rob, gtfo.

That any good?

A loaded gun is perfect! Just know you "may" need to use it. Fuck jail... if ending a life or 2 keeps the drugs runnin through my veins a little longer then it's all good

Ahah Yea keep the drugs flowing through the veins. Cus Id rather dope than to fuck the pope

wtf does that mean

you all are fucking stupid. this is a website about robbing houses, not raping animals and smoking crack.

Ahahah! I Know Right, But Its Wateva!

fags

I can't believe somebody actually wrote this !

hahahaha

Always leave your name and number after the beep BEEEPP

well i tryed it then my dad woke up and grounded me for breaking the frount window and comeing in it with my jason mask on fuck u guys now im grounded for life all i wanted was to have some fun and looking up to u guys fucked my life over

you tried theifin your own house ?
you fuckin dumbass

is called a joke

Horrible article. sounds like you just made it all up. Not to mention the host of important aspects you didn't even mention.

That's what people do on comedy websites. They make up stuff. Welcome to the world of satire.

wow. gay.

if you're going to rob a house; then you're obviously stupid enough to get put in jail; because you're stupid in tha first place for trying to rob a house much less with this DUMB ASS advice. shiiiitttt. i'll admit though... the drug dealer column was on point.

fuck you crack heads

First off, don't bring a weapon, simply something that cannot be construed a weapon while still heavy enough to break the window. This prevents armed robbery, replaces with breaking in, but hey... The beach towel is half of an incredible idea, the other half is on to cover the glass window with before you smash it. This leaves the sound indoors while silent out. Watch, watch, watch, watch the schedule for at least two weeks, then wait two weeks, so that any month sensitive habits remain the same (like we go to "so & so's" house the first Thursday of ...blah blah). Run the plan out at around five in the morning, less cops and you get the freedom of not doing anything illegal. When it's time to go through with it, wait until around fifteen min after the last person leaves in the morning. {{{Do not invade a home while occupied..lets keep this at robbery and not murder.. thats another page}}}

dis article is not good "how to be a ddrug dealer n get away with murdure" are recomended.
dis one is just plain comon sence

pimpin

haha definitely found the humor i sought for

how can you get a towel to catch the glass if your on the outside

If You Have Time , You Can Duck Tape Round The Corners Of The Window and hit the duck tape bit and the full window comes out

There Was A Abondend House Up Neer Mine with no windows n shit we usty sit in it n stuff so we new our way about this house , a man with a shit lot of money hoo fixed computers and laptops and stuff set up a house / shop kind of thing and we jamp in through a window on a loward roo on a extension we usto get in the same wae when it was abondend , we got 600 pounds each , and about 13 ,000 pounds worth of equitment out it

This is supposed to be satire. Your comments should be satire as well, perhaps you might want to avoid discussing your criminal activity. I wonder if you use your parents' computer, because if you do you are fucked.

alll u fuking idiot should get a job

L0K0T3 13's picture

Use Duct tape!, cover the window with a bunch of duct tape and then brake it so it doesnt make so much noise

its also a good idea to buy a santa suit and wear it when u break in, that way if you get caught you can say you are uncle benny or something from out of town and u though this was your brothers house and u were just practicing for chrismas.s

I like the santa idea. Cause if anyone here has acutaly watched the movie "Bad Santa'' you will know that shooting an unarmed Santa would be more fucked up than Rodny King.

fucking dumb article. Yo urob drug dealers. they get doped out, you steal their dope, and sell it back to them XD

robbin houses is like prostitution, its all dirty work. what you wanna do is be the PIMP!

Find empty houses, and for a moderate prepaid fee (say, 10% of expected robbery profits), you inform the robbers of the empty houses. if the robbery is successful, everyone wins!!, except the insurance company paying repairs (everyone wins!!), if the robbery fails, the robber fails and when he rats you out (he will, 100% guarentee), its mad easy to get out -- "Yeah, i've never met this guy before. But he's crazy, you should arrest him for longtime"

just how pimps treat their prostitutes ^.^

win win win win win LIKE A BOSS

Thats funny: to know how stupid these house robbing guys are.

That's because all the white guys have a job. Who does that leave....?

why dont you just rob a dealers house and take all his paraphanilia.

because he will kill you.
dont be stupid unless you can get the gun to the back of an unarmed dealers head
you shouldnt be trying to rob him

Brainwash their cat to steal shit for you. ;)

Knocking on the door and saying hello is jake there?

So when the cops ask around in the neighbourhood anything weird that went on thats not gonna come up?

FAIL

You fail. I'm a delivery guy and I do this legitimately all the time. People write the wrong address on the delivery, I knock on that door, ask for someone who doesn't live there.

This article is a dumb, but most of you dickheads bitching about it are way dumber.

This guide is terrible, typos, and some of the dumbest advice I've ever heard of.

First of all, to rob a house, you need to do these steps:

First - Case the Joint

Spend a few days, preferably running or some shit (make sure to change clothes, hats, etc to avoid recognition) to memorize the families and neighbors routes and habits - If one house, no matter how juicy, has a nosy neighbor from hell (or a guard dog), leave it.

Second - Preparation

You need to prepare yourself - buy a new, cheap pair of shoes (10$ would be fine), wear clothes that are light, yet helps you from being recognized, THICK gloves (Doctor's gloves are very thin and can even HELP in the detection of fingerprints), get a haircut (can be a common source of identification if a murder accidentally takes place, but that wouldn't happen if you followed step 1), LEARN LOCKPICKING (You DON'T want to have to smash in a window, it's loud and can leave small traces of glass in your clothes, possibly identifying you) so you can pick the lock on the back door.

Third - Entry

Enter the building - It's not that complicated, bring your supplies (Standard-Issue: Mask, Gloves, Bag, Weapon*, Lockpicking kit) and enter the building via a way that ISN'T open to the street yet gives you a possible source of an emergency exit (In case of unwanted company (ironic, no?) or the owners coming home). DO NOT BREAK A WINDOW, IT IS LOUD AND LEAVES EVIDENCE.

Fourth - The Loot

Search through the rooms - pay special attention to the Master and Children bedrooms - they often contain computers, jewelry, wallets, and other valuables. ALWAYS check the closet - I** once found a stash of jewerly in a shoebox. Yes, a Shoebox. Acquire things based off a WEIGHT - VALUE ratio - don't pick up a 50 lb ancient computer unlikely to get you 20$ in the street, go for slim desktops***, and laptops***, ipods (NOT PHONES - NEVER TAKE A FUCKING PHONE, THEY CAN TRACE YOUR ASS) games, antiques, rare collectibles (I'm talking like EPIC rating here, like one of the first 5 volumes printed of Harry Potter or some shit)

Stick all of the loot you can into your bag, then get the hell out of there.

Fifth - Getting the hell out

The most crucial part of a robbery is to snatch-and-grab, get in, get the goods, and get the fuck out. So many idiots get caught because they think there is something worth more than 5$ that they didn't grab.

Use your secondary exit, and run towards your designated pickup spot (where you left your car some distance away, or where your partner-in-crime is waiting), MAKING SURE YOU ARE NOT SEEN.

Sixth - Pawning the shit / Getting rid of evidence

Don't ever ever ever try to pawn something anywhere near where it was stolen. Rule of thumb : When pawning computers (If you don't want to use) MAKE SURE YOU COMPLETELY WIPE THEM - here's how - make the computer go to factory defaults, then download incredibly large amount of useless files (Encyclopedia of Britannica is a good one - it's huge!) then do it again. Why? Because police have techies than can recover data from computers - pinning the theft on you. Sell everything you possibly can on the street (without losing more than 50% value, don't sell a 3K computer for 500$), then pawn the shit (after wiping it, if a technical device - otherwise, melt it down and sell it to some gold company)

Get rid of the evidence. Burn the $10 shoes and your gloves - they can be a sort of fingerprint in themselves- and stay away from the area for a few months at LEAST.

Now you might not get caught when robbing some poor bastards house.

But don't rob:

-Elderly
-Widows
-Ninjas
-Secret Agents
-Your Drug Dealer
-Your Mom
-Optimus Prime

Or they'll come for you.

*Having a weapon in the house could cause them to retaliate violently instinctively, and you could be shot and killed. Robbery can be dangerous.

** I Admit no guilt

*** Unless the computer is reasonable light, compact, or extremely valuable, don't take it.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ACTIONS YOU DO OR ANY ACTIONS DONE TO YOU BECAUSE YOU READ THIS COMMENT

That's wat i thought HaHa ur's idea's R lke my we should steal sum time.

me and my friend are only 14 and we broke in a empty house and stole $25 ,a laptop, alchohol, and gummy vitamins cuz i wanted some and we didnt have gloves and we smashed to windows will i get cought cuz there is no evidence that it was me

Oh my god you did something like that just for gummy vitamins?You know you could go to jail.Over some fucking gummy vitamins?Come on.

except for fingerprints and probably some stupid mistakes you made cause your fucking 14.

Basically, stick with the drugs :) it's better money !!

Voy Rumbo a La Phoenikera
Mi gente me esta esperando
No han parado de sonar
Las alertas en mi radio
Chikitita no se aguiten
muy pronto estare llegando

Como anda un pez en el agua
Alegre y despreocupado
Aki me paseo trankilo
este es mi segundo rancho
Enklikado kon los grandes
Yo no ocupo de los anthros

Viejas pa tirar pa ´rriba Y
amigos de sobra gente apalabrada
los corridos suenan la banda retumba
el vino y la mota traen la panikeada..
Mi nombre es El Tamarindo me apellido
Desveladaa!!

Otra vez ando bien grifo
como lo dice el corrido
y entre tanto ahumaderon
creo k ya perdi el sentido
ya no se cuanto he pisteado
ni ke tanto me 'eh metido

Mujeres de seleccion
me stoy haciendo manoso
me aprovecho de mi suerte
dios a sido generoso!
sin verguenza no lo niego
kreo k soy muy caprichoso!

ehh umm, was that a poem or something?

ok thats good points but ill add that as for having a bag to put stuff in its not all that important to have since usually you can find a bag in the house to put the stuff in and 2 most windows now a days are thick and maybe not even real glass. well point is you might be better off with a crow bar or a tool in there garage to pry the window or door open . its also more quiet. and yes not only should you dress light but wear some good running shoes and shorts but ones that also have pockets and a cell phone is very useful just make shur you do not drop it! the cell phone can also be used as a small light for looking around. one big giveaway is a bright flashlight moving around inside a window so sometimes you might be better off just closing the shades and turning on the light. oh and back to the cell phone they are useful so you can talk to someone that is keeping watch outside someplace like in a car down the street and for double protection that person should also have a radio for picking up police signals so if they are alerted you know they are on there way and you have time to get out and gone. also if your caught and are running cut across yards and woods away from your getaway car. trust me its easier to ditch cops on foot then in a car! then once u are safe call your lookout and tell him to pick you up. oh if your fat or a very slow runner this is not the best job for you and you should maybe get a treadmill.

good iddea except....the shorts....u always wanna wear long sleeves and long pants like joggin pants and a thermo...no hoodie cuz then it'll be obvious wats goin on. but yea....u wear joggin pants and a thermo so that way, no hair of your legs or arms are left behind, no sweat, no skin, no nothin...and wear a wave cap or du rag to so no hair from your head is left behind.

**i take no credit for wat occurs after u read this

Wow this is crazy... why would anyone rob a house! Gosh. I just came across this in ads and it seemed interesting but its horrible. IM LOCKING ALL MY DOORS AND WINDOWS TONIGHT!

don't you always lock your doors!?

i know who's house i'm coming after :)

Bringing a weapon is useless. What are you going to do? Kill somebody? That's just going to get you in more trouble than you already are. Even if you don't kill somebody, possesion of a weapon will add to the charges.

its for protection just in case someone does come home.. if its someone bigger than you they could easily over power you and in some states, legally kill you where you stand.. it will get them to back off so you can get out safely .. of course you shouldn't actually use it.. unless it turns into a fight for your life, then self-defense kicks in

every one knows your supose to wait for them to get back then knock right when they get home and tell them it looks like some one broke in do u mind if i take a look//// do the wallet flip trick//// go in and take the stuff for evidence

What a moron. Learn how to spell and use proper grammar.

Rob only the corrupt rich who has lots of ill gotten money. None of these "How to Rob" articles up to the mark they are either stupid or mostly misleading.

First off, learn to spell motherfucker! A mind is a terrible thing to waste, but in your case we will make an exception. All burglars are fucking stupid idiots to begin with, "The I was wondering if Jake lives here???" Is a fucking joke!!!! Hee Hee Hee... I will know right off the bat you are trying to see if i'm home!!!!! And if you happen to be in my neighborhood Mr. Court Sullivan, come on in, I will have some milk and cookies for you, and a 12 gauge blowing the back of your skull into fragments.

actually, thats not a joke at all, fool... How else can you be sure no one is home? the idea of knocking on the door is that no one answers it.. but if they do, at least you can have a semi-reasonable story then saying 'oh, i was checking to see if you were home so i could rob you", or just plain running away.. Instead, You'd say something like..
"Hey is Brian there?"
"Uh, I'm sorry no one like that lives here"..
"Oh well he told me he lived at this address, 345 W. Maple"..
"im sorry son, but this is 345 EAST Maple" ..
"oh my bad.. how do i get to East Maple?... actually no, nevermind, I think i can pull up google maps on my cell phone, sorry for the inconvenience"

Then obviously do not try robbing that house again

fuck u bitches, yall haters... this guide is legit and if you can't rob a house then the game aint fo you

I JUST LUV WHEN NIGGERS USE SLANG, THEY SHOULD REWRITE THE AMERICAN DICTIONARY, "YALL HATERS" SAID THE NIGGER, AND "THE GAME AINT FO YOU" I WONDER IF HE USES AINT ON HIS JOB APPLICATION??? OH YEAH, I FORGOT THIS NIGGER DOES NOT HAVE A JOB, HE FI'N TO JACK SOMEBODY (ROB) SO YES MY WHITE FRIENDS HIDE YO DUCKETS (MONEY) FO RIZZLE (FOR REAL) ALSO FOOD IS ANOTHER CONCERN, HIDE ALL YOUR CHICKENS, WATERMELONS, GRITS, JUST LEAVE A LOT OF PORK IN THE FRIG MOST NIGGERS WON'T TOUCH THAT. AND YES MY FELLOW AMERICANS DON'T FORGET TO LOCK YOUR DOORS AND WINDOWS, IT'S ALSO A GOOD IDEA TO PUT A NIGGER EATING DOG IN THE BACKYARD JUST IN CASE HE HOPS THE FENCE.

fuck you bitch ass fagot cracker ill fucking murder you bitch moutherfucker

wow.
racism is so childesh, and stupid. not all black people talk like that (im black). and if thats the case, since white people also rob houses, my black frineds, hide your tobaacca and spittin can (tobacco and bottle) and take all the deer meat, salad, squirrel meat, coon meat (raccoon meat), and your rabbit meat because the crackers are coming for it.

lmao good one fuck that racist ass white boy

For real man there are a lot of racist assholes on PiN. I'm white, but damn that is the most racist shit I've ever read on a forum. Not all black people rob houses and love chicken. True, stereotypes all come from somewhere, but being prejudice (judging a race based off one person) makes you an ignorant, racist, asshole. So why don't you suck a dick and stop saying N****R.

Smoke Weed and Stay Happy

lmfaooo ive done this before
its so easy
just knock on the front door and if nobody answers look for an open window or something
if nothings open, break the window
get in and take as much as possible :D

andy you are such a moron why break a window?? most neighbors will hear that shit!!! And have you ever heard of silent alarms??? Lots of dumbshit burglars been caught from these things i've mentioned. Next time leave it up to the pros like me!! _|_

thats why you case the houses next door out too and make sure no one is home there.. that way the window won't be heard.. though i wouldn't recommend it.... You also check for the ADT sign.. most houses are stupid enough to announce that they have alarms

lol a nigger eating dog, I went to the pet shop and asked for one and they told me to leave.

all you idiots dont know shit about robbing a house, the best way to do it and not get caught is to tunnel that bitch, spend a few months digging a tunnel so you pop up right in their kitchen, make it a few metres wide and deep, then you load up their car with all their expensive shit and drive that cocksucker out of there

I'm Jake, who the fuck are you? And why are you wearing that mask?

Ok, bringing a weapon to a burglary makes it a capital offense, you get caught you're doing 10+ years in prison getting raped by big Bubba. I should know because I am a police officer.
If you want to rob a house successfully, then rob a 2 story house. Watch the house for a few days/weeks and find out the owner's routine. When you know they will be gone, get to the second story. Most houses only alarm first floor doors, windows, etc. Break into a second story room, and rob the entire upstairs.
Leave the way you came. Don't do crimes with other people. The worst way to get busted is getting ratted on because your friend snitched you out after getting busted buying a dime-bag, to save his own skin. Tell nobody about your escapades, and last but not least, don't pawn the shit! Omg, just keep it, or trade it off to the dope-man. If you desperately need the money, go to the next county over and then pawn it all. Most cops don't check pawn shops outside the county a crime is committed in.
HAPPY BURGLARING!

You are obviously a "bent" policeman, I hope someone uses your info and breaks into your home and rapes your wife.YOU IDIOT.

Great advice, my father would always tell me the same shit about doing things on your own and not talking about them. One time i made the biggest mistake ever and done something with someone i thought i knew. It was some pussy mother fucker that ratted me out and the shit we done was his idea. My lawyer showed me his statement explaining how we done everything to the exact way, so i took it too him and he got scared as hell and tryed denying it, so i beat the fuck out of him and ran into him two years latter and put a bullet to his dome. That punk mother fucker. Hell whats even more crazy is that im fucking his younger sister now! Makes me feel good when shes riding my dick and knowing i killed her brother who snitched on me. I hope he's watching from hell.

im too stoned for this shit. wow.

i read all the comments, still laughin' bout "sus " in bold letters

hey guys this is not funny my house has been robed at least three times by my crackhead neighbor or one of his buddies, he's in jail for running a Meth lab in his garage. before you ask or comment my sister owns the house and pays the bills on it. I'm on disability I'm legally blind (its not as bad as it sounds I actually see better than you think) and yes the house will be sold and I am going to move to a safer neighborhood. Listen here you poor excuses for human beings In the city where I live the police don't suck they would have to work up to that level and they are worthless. Oh we can't afford more policemen because the city doesn't have the money because of the economy. First all members of city government should be shot with no less then a 45 cal weapon and all police should be publicly and cruelly exterminated on live television like the worthless and useless garbage they are. afterwards if you come near my property, self, friends or family I will exterminate you.
you respect others and their property if you don't
you aren't fit to live around civilized people, so forget
the politicians, the police, and the courts they are all
useless and worthless. We the people We the public
we will solve the problem. we will exterminate you maggots. one way or another there will be law and order if normal methods don't work then vigilante methods will.

GE's picture

I love the pure madness factor of articles with anti-morality. Even the "moral" people are completely crazy. Though, I would probably never write an article like this one and put my name on it.

lol lol this is funnyer than rape jk im 14 and i can probably pull of a better crim than this artical white power just kiding lol but searsly if u get cagut you will go to jail dont do the crime if you cant do the time but i suggest if u pull it of blaze it affterwords thene have crazy donky sex

You guys are all selfish! How would you like it if someone stole something precious/valuable from you?!

you're a fucking illiterate idiot, hope you rot in jail for fucking up a B&E..... dumbass

I have just bought a very expensive house,(empty for now) and some little fucker like you keeps breaking in, and I am sick,you should be prepared to come face to face with a very angry home owner and a shotgun.You will never break into a house again because you will be killed,dismembered and burned in my garden.Get a job you sad fucking scrounger,people like you are everything that's wrong with this country.

You burglars are so thick that if i said "yeah, that's good advice,can we meet to discuss further" and you would say "ok here is my adress" you are very stupid uneducated morons.May you receive all that you give.

LET'S PLAY A GAME, ALL THE PEOPLE READING THIS PAGE NEED TO FIND OUT WHERE THE WRITER LIVES, i,e WHERE'S WALLY, AND BREAK INTO HIS HOME, THEN TELL US ALL WHAT YOU GOT JUST TO SPITE THIS IDIOT.NOW THAT WILL BE WORTH READING.

wow, this is completely retarded. idk how a beach towel is gonna stop the glass shattering noise on the ground when your throwing something at the window. if anyone follows this dumbass article they'll be doing 2-3yrs. in a county jail

People Just Get a real job please its not worth it doin sumthin stupid. one day u gon prolly run up in da wong house nd get fucked da hell up. dont go by this BULLSHIT..

God, this is fucked up shit, but I love it! God advice btw, but wouldn't it be helpful to do it at night, mayb when the owners of the house on holiday? u could get in and out, no problem. Any tips on how 2 get hold of sum drugs? i want 2 try it. :)

Hello WouldntYouLikeToKnow!
I have a strange feeling we know eachother!?
I agree with you,it is good advice! ;)
There is also a story of how to get away with murder! If you robbed them during the day, that article could come in handy! :P
We should do drugs together sometime! :D

Heyy there BFF! lool Yeaah, i think i know youu too!! Strange.. :P
IKR! That articale is AWESOME! I read it, it, im just like "wow! LoL" we should meet up sumtime, get sum crack... :P luv ya x

its simple to rob a house.
all u have to do is wear latex gloves, have socks over your shoes and plastic bag over your entire foot (or wear shoes that have no tread under it or some vans and just have a pastic bag over it), wear nylon clothing so no fibers can easily fall off your clothing but also something casual, and have an escape path behind the house already planned so people dont see u walking around to the front leaving. then have someone pick u up on the other side. now before all of this, for example i have a ballys membership, sign in and talk to a couple people there and leave, then go rob a house so now people can vouch for you if anybody asks what your alibi is, u have one. and if u dont have a ballys membership, go to the theater and get the next ticket for a movie thats already playing (usually halfway through they'll ask u if u want the next one and u'll prolly have like 45 minutes to rob the house) and anticipate how long it would take for u to rob a house and show back up at the theater once ur done robbing it.
and if that isnt solid enough, have a friend at ur house playing like world of warcraft or some shit and if cops suspect u, u can tell them to check the online game logs and stuff by calling the company or whatever, just dont let anyone know that ur friend was ever at ur house or had contact with or anything.
but its also dumb to rob a house.

Bro you're not trying to plan a murder... as long as you aren't killing someone.. no one is going to do freakin forensic and DNA testing on a bloody minor burglary... You don't need an alibi, the only way you are going to get caught is if you get caught in the act.. as long as you don't do something stupid like drop your cell phone or wallet or have your get away car close by where someone can read the tags... and as long as you don't pawn all the stuff in the same county

LMFAO U KNOW WHAT IM YUNGER THAN 20 YEARS OLD BEEN DOING THIS FOR 3 YEARS AND IF U WANT TO GET AWAY WITH THIS THIS ARE THE PERFECT STEPS TO TAKE . I CANT BELIVE THEIRS SOME ONE ELSE OUT THEUR THAT THINKS THE SAME WAY... AND DONT HESITATE TO TAKE THING UR AL READY DOING THE CRIME SO GRAB ALL THE SHIT THAT U CAN PLAUS U CAN MAKE WAY MORE MONEY IN TEN MIN. THAN WORKING ALL FUCKIN WEEK !!=}

what about the alarm system?.. one important thing before going into that bussiness is to be insured cause you gonna get caught and you gonna die, so your family wont have to spend their hard earned money to bury you

I GOT A ROCK!!!:P

Bring a gun,bag,mask,gloves,crowbar and a getaway car.Park your getaway car in the alley,and try and see if anybody is home.To do that,knock on the door and wait a few minutes.Nothing?Move on to the back door or a window,and try to pry it open with your crowbar.Once your inside,look for something to take.Fit everything you can into your bag.Once its full,run for your getaway car.After you get away,you can keep what you took or sell it to the pawn shop.

why robin a house?, if u wanna do somthin better to do somthin bigger , but if u know the house owner and his possession its not bad to have a exact plan, spacialy when u r high, more excitin

Am I the only person on the planet that realizes this is a joke? As in, why are you taking notes this isn't for real. Look around the rest of the site and prepare to feel stupid. Today's word is "context". Bad advice? He's making fun of you. Can't spell? He's making fun of you. wen i tipe lyke thiss, this iz me callen u dum.

Mike Lamb's picture

This was my comment before I got an account. I'm claiming it just for "wen i tipe lyke thiss, this iz me callen u dum." I'm gonna have to use that one again in an article.

dont bring a weapon ever. during the case you do get caught youll get b&e with a weapon. not cool

The best way to break a window to gain silent entry is to cover it with a laminate sheet, hit the window with a heavy object, there will be a sharp cracking sound, but it sounds nothing like a window breaking. Also bring a guitar pick or something similar to peel it off with, or leave a corner unstuck. Do not bring any weapons with you, this turns your crime from breaking and entering to armed robbery, just in case you get caught. There is also no point, if you do your homework there will be nobody home, and therefore a weapon is useless, it only adds to the risk. Even if you're sure nobody is home, whisper and tiptoe until you've checked inside the house, in this day and age there are a lot of shut-ins who don't answer doors, and being shut-ins no matter how much you case the place they don't go in or out, so your casing becomes useless. Bring cable ties for these fuckers hands, they are shut-ins, and don't have enough confidence to fight back. Bring only the essentials. People lose things that can lead to their identification, I recently read a news report of some silly fucker who left his phone in the house he robbed with pictures of him on it. To finish, I'd say the best way not to get caught robbing a house, is... dun, dun, duuuuun! Don't rob a house! You've got to remember that these are people you are robbing, you don't know them, and they could be the nicest people in the world for all you know. If you wan't to steal tings but want a clear concience do commercial robbery, they ALWAYS have insurance, so it means sweet fuck all to them.

I hate myself for even commenting but this guys right do commercial, I'm a "retired scrub" who's used a good portion of the advice on here....after my crimes had been commited i began meeting the people that i had victimized and no matter how hard you think you are robbing a home girl by accident is not a good feeling man, and it puts alot in perspective. i don't even endorse commercial but its better..do a warehouse at night, study, make $400,000 in a night. that way you can retire and the only victim is an insurance company employee who gets some overtime. really people stop hurting each other when you can make alot more money and be rollin hiiiigh without taking someones rent money...just sayin.

man the guy who wrote dis is a fucken complete moron why are u even breathing bro

So you're the editor? Who proof reads this stuff? Spell check is key. This is also one of the most laughable "How to" articles I've read. Have you ever actually broke into a house or are you a armchair quarterback that sits and watches COPS and says "Awww man I could do that better."? I'm willing to bet you haven't even so much as jay walked in your life. Stick to what you know. Being a criminal isn't it.

And make sure it doesn't have an alarm system!

ok do not bring a weapon. That is just asking for new charges. If your stupid enough to break in the house an someone happens to be there LEAVE dont be tony montana it wont work an plus if theres someone home the felony is tougher. First do not steal from ppl you know its stupid youll be caught. Do not rob a drug dealers house youll be shot unless hes a bitch with no balls. This IS WHAT YOU DO First befor you even go scooping houses change ur car plates u can get plates from junkyards they always forget to take them off. so now you got differnt plates go scooping best places subburbs where all the houses look the same chances are the neighbors dont know each other. So they wont be raisin an alarm. Once you found your house buy a fake direct tv shirt from goodwill get a clip board an go knock on the house door. Wait knock an ring the bell. I shouldnt have to say if there are cars there dont bother. Well now you know noones home this is where most ppl are stupid dont break windows do not try windows or back doors u look sketchy. Get a master lock pick set or visit ur local locksmith an complain about ur key never working most will give you a master key kit which is illegal to own but for some reason easy to obtain if you can lie an look sincere that means dont wear ur nikes or fucking coat with the fur. so now ur at the door take out ur shit work the lock it takes 2 minutes once open shut an lock it behind you in case someone comes home. Ull need the time. So ur inside send a buddy on a jogwith a walkie talkie to play lookout have him wear some jogging gear just to look legit. First thing you do go to there bathroom i should of mentioned you should be wearing gloves duhhh. You get to there bathroom grab at least ten towels. YES TOWELS an go to the grage an lay them down an open the garage so ur friend can drive in an his tires only touch the towels you dont want tire marks cops love that shit. shut the garage door. now you an ur buddy are in. Your job grab everything that looks expensive an set it in a pile your buddys job running from the pile to his car to load the shit. Dont bother with little things get all electonics besides laptops they got tracers people an never take a cell. Everything eles is game. THINGS TO TAKE FOR SURE the silverwear yes there fucking knives an forks some of that shit is real silver which is good money take the good china its expensive an theres no way for the cops to trace it. Always check the wifes undearwear drawer most family keep cash an things like that there cause they know there kids wont be looking in mommys underwear drawer. ok so now the cars loaded up open the garage door ur buddy pulls out PICK UP ALL THOSE TOWELS AN TAKE THEM. drive down the street to pick up ur lookout. NOw go somewhere safe an park in the garage switch ur plates back to normal. burn the gloves do not go to a pawn shop for two weeks if you do you should be caught fucking rookie. Now what can you sell at a pawn shop thats easy anything that does not have vin numbers if your 7 an dont know what a vin number its like a unique code thats on most expensive electronics. so sell the china an anything small that is not worth over 2000 dollars an ull be good. the other shit rub them vins off with a flat head screwdriver an sell shit on ebay from a fake account or to your friends who doesnt want a 40 in flat screen for 250 dollars. lol. so now the shit is sold u got ur cash split it up an now never talk about the robbery again or even brag about it it will only bring trouble. Now if your ever caught deny everything dont even admit you have seen that house befor in ur life act stupid never admit to anything cause in the usa they need to prove you enetered the house anyway that happens if someone opens there mouth or you admit something. SERIOUSLY tell them nothing your just an innocent citiven who never would do such a thing. well i hope this basic guide to be a thief has helped i know what im talkin about. You really want make skrilla rob a pawn store but that you an ur team need to know every trick of the trade. If anyone needs help getting a lockpick set or master house keys simply reply to this. side note they always make master keys for every single car there illegal to have but easy to obtain. WELLL HAVE FUN

what the fuck you people are dumb if you need to look up crime on the internet you need to leave crime alone your gonna get caught fucking amatures enjoy ur jail time

WHYD YOU LOOK IT UP? so you could feel good an tell others how stupid they are? sounds like you might be someone who is an idiot in real life an needs to feel better then some people on the internet.Bravo sir you did it. Yes robbing is stupid but if your going be stupid might as well be educated on it.

It's not like everybody here was looking for advice on how to rob a house. Some people just read this because they have read previous articles from the author. The way you type/write doesn't really make you look very intelligent, so I'm going to assume that you are being retarded. You ignorant Nazi.

lol ignorant nazi huh. sorry my computer skills arnt as savy as yours are sir. OK ill take your observation that yes people may have read other things by this auther an happened here by chance. But why comment it? Do you send a letter to ever tv show you dislike? No why would you go threw the trouble? same point applys. Now to address me being a nazi yes i am tall blond hair blue eyes but no sadly im not a nazi. An question have you ever encountered a nazi good sir? Proably not unless you where in prison an that would make you retarted.

hahahahaha how many cops read this?????????? n ur all supposed to be criminals rule number 1 dnt leave a trail u all fucked that one up dint ya

alright smarty first off the cops can read this go ahead. House robbery isnt big time crime the feds wont be involed meaning there not going check every person who posts something on the internet get there ip address an track them down. to much time an money an considering 98% of people lie about things they have done. It is a waste of man power to track down every 13 teen year old an see if he ever broke into a house just to find out he aint smoked a dam joint in his life.

Everyone on here is crazy

well another dumbass is in jail. Don't believe me check out Utah fox new www.fox13now.com. This dumbass was arrested for breaking into house and was identified by someone who was home when he knocked on the door. The police do canvass the area a crime is commit in. Dumb dumb dumb. Told you all I'm a retired criminal I did my six and a half. But if you dumbasses don't want to listen don't. I was just bored when I stumbeled across this site and it peaked my interest. I tried to give you the benefit of my miss spent youth the do's and don'ts of crime. So now I'll lay some prison eddicate on you skiny little white boys. And I know cuz I was that skinny white boy. You're going to have turn in to a skin head if you don't want to be some bodies bitch. I mean tatts and all. And all this will get you protection from blacks and mexicans you still have to worry about you're peni or ab brothers turning you into their bitch

all u lil fucken white bitches don kno shit yall r stupider thn shit

If possible always try and rob out of your state. Keep the stuff you steal unless you really need the money. Do not go to a local pawn shop or pawn it all in one place. That just raises suspicion. Do it by yourself too. Other people just means less money and a higher chance of getting caught. Also don't tell other people about your thievery. Someone will snitch on you. Do not be under the influence of anything. Do not stay in the house for longer then 10 minutes. Only take the things of high value. Check to see if they have alarms.

The best way to rob a house is to do it to people with whom you are already friends. It is a lot easier to know someone's schedule if you are friends with them (family is even better). Don't do it while they know you are in the house. You have to do it while there is no one home.

If you want to perform an armed robbery,(only for strangers) simply go to someone's door, with a double barrel shotgun tuck underneath your coat, knock, when the home owner opens the door show them the shotgun and tell them if they yell you'll shoot them. Sit the down on the couch and tell them not to move. Proceed to tell them that you don't want to hurt anyone and that if they just give you (insert $$$, items) that you will not kill them, and that they should remain calm. Also, make sure to inform them that you are part of a larger crime syndicate and that if they squeal, they are going to get a visit from people that will come and kill them and their loved ones. But, reiterate that all violence can be prevented if they just calmly comply with your demands. And there you go, a successful armed robbery. :)

retard

To sucessfully rob a house, first make sure nobody else is nearby. Then knock on the front door. If it opens, blast the guy's head off, and kill the rest of the others too. If it doesn't, blast the front door open, kill whoever is inside and take anything you want. Also, wait for the owners to come home, then kill them if the house is empty to avoid a police report. Or you can hold them at gunpoint and put them in a Jigsaw trap. Same thing, they're going to die anyways.

I think these comments were more entertaining than the article itself!!

make sure to pee on the floor when done

That's right...why don't you do that...it's always good to leave some DNA for the cops!!!

if you find a lady in there say i am the sex master then put your penis in her vagina and pee in there she will scream and yell then say i will stop if you give me your money and play strip poker then play get her naked piss on her tie her to a tree outside near a road [alive] piss on her put a sign on her saying i want to be arrested and then put tape on her mouth then run

if you are walking down the street and see a person and she is female make sure you have rope tiee her to an tree make sure you BOTH get naked piss and fu-k on her have sex run away naked then go find a cop car jump on it and fu-k on it kick the cops a-s run away get a whole bunch of people to help you then go around fu-king on people and take over the fu-kin world

Hahahaha omg LOL I smoke weed

You are all a bunch of fucktards...Do you know that??? You're always gonna get caught no matter what. You all think the cops are stupid, don't you!!! Get your heads out of your asses & get a real job!!!

Your all ignorrant more money then bill gates ha ha get the fuck out of here

I can say to everyone in this forum that robbing houses does make you money but it is not worth the hard work. trust me i deal drugs and it's much easier than burglary. i got arrested for burglary the second time i did it in two days.

i was posted bail then wasn't charged. but i have been dealing for two years and havent been caught once. i make over £300 everyday and unlike buglary you make contacts and give people what they want/need making them happy but burglary you make people miserable.

i'm not black and i did go to college so for everyone who thinks you have to be black and uneducated to be a drug dealer your wrong you have to be smart not just academically but street smart too. you have to be good at maths and measuring and you need protection and back up.

most people make their first £1000 at 20 i made mine at 16 in one week.

Cops are smart for everyone who thinks their not i'm just smarter.

Mike Lamb's picture

Good at maths? How many maths you good at? What kinda maths you learn at white boy drug college?

Maths is British for math fuckface

Mike Lamb's picture

Why thank you, helpful internet stranger.

Yea well this is an all in good article i guess, but imagine if someone was home. You might want to take the risk that you could be seriously injured or killed by the home owner. The home owner could have thought his life was in danger.

Why on movies people throw amonia on crime scenes

Has no1 cloked that the Feds probably monitor all these comments some dumb people on here

Drug Dealing Is Were The Money Is. Marijuana Is The Only Thing I Sell On A Daily Bases. ( I Don't Want To Get Caught With Anything Stupid) I Love Doing It, I Make Very Good Money. Cops Are Very Smart, And These Days It's So Easy To Get Caught, I Wouldn't Recremened Robbing House, But Sell Some Weed If You Want To Make That Money ^-^ :D

Dude....If you throw something at a window the glass is going to break and fly inside. putting a towl underneath the window will not change the noise. Neighbors will hear and probably alert the authorities. Usually K3Y1NG Doors, look for hidden house keys, basement windows.

Looks suspiciously like useless, common sense info about robbing houses by someone who has never robbed a house. The fact that you stated to bring a weapon makes you a moron and a phony.

yeah bro you just might want to add 1 more, thats the one i got cought up wit durning winter or when its rainy u try to go through a window but than the people have real nice carpets that leave footprints huh?? shit next time i make a hit ill always wear bags under my feet now, lol ive learned my lesson..

and trust me ive gotten away with burglarizing 7 homes and buissnesses

i did exactly what you sed... i robbed a house :) got away to... then when i came home.. i found out ive been robbed!... oh shit i robbed myself >.< FML

I once broke into a house for fun by breaking the window and climbing in, and didnt get caught..
Even though the house was in the middle of town and it was broad daylight.
..Maybe i didnt get caught cause noone suspects an innocent looking 15 year old kid :)

This is just horrible :(

Ive been robbed n the robbers got away with it, im sure most robbers get away with it unless there dumb !!

I am so doing this !! need money easy

This made me laugh.... anyone thinking about robbing a house should google "castle doctrine"

Just rob a gas station u get more money u get a gun u get alot of blunts and cigs and and alchohal lookk for the oldest running gas station u can find go in ther make sure u buy somthing wen going in ther take ur time act like u kant find wut ur lookin for and wen the cashier isnt looking look arond and c wut kind of security they have camares motion sensors etc, if they only have camaras then u should be good just to make sure theres no security try and find the phone line cord and cut it then get all ur supplies make sure u have a croebar wen doing this the worst yhing u could do iz break a winddow or crack open a door unless its a bakdoor then ur good I use a crow bar to pry open a wall cuz obviusly its an old place its actually preety eaasy once in take no longer than 10 mins I have done this seveal times so I have perfected my pkan to put on top of this im only 14 so if I kan do it u can do it and most of yhe time they go outa buisness wen they get robed so mite as well take as much ss u kan

i love fukin big dickkk im gay:)

ay man, fuckken i got rolled and nearly shanked by this lad for an ifty and my mum called the cops (i told my mum that i lost 30 buks) i didnt give the guys description but i said to the cops where he lived. if he turned up missing would they be able to trace it back to me, im only 14 so im not that sus

dese is just internet tha streets is a different place...trust me u can get away wit murda u can get away wit dealing or robbin but karma is a bitch nd it will come bacc to hunt u on sum real shit. ....nd trust me it aint no game out here. one gunshot anotha mothfucca dead

What a bunch a Kindergarten idiots!

Dont rob people... If yerr seriously that desperate ferr money, sell crack!(: before Yuu rob someone, think. Yerr house is getting robbed right now& there's some strange person inside your home taking your personal items. Now please dude, just sell crack haha population control (:

If ya wanna rob a house go to a small town and hide in the alleys like a fiend and wait for the ederly to leave then hit the medicine cabinets!

heres what i do i knock the door and pretend to advertise sum thing and give them a flyer ( i find them everywere in stores) i stay and watch the house from a distance and make a head count of how manny people live in the house weather they have a pet i watch to see what times the house will be empty just by watching them and me and 3 of my niggaz bring the car to far end of the street with dirt litteraly couvering the licenses plates and we take everything and i mean nothing is left in that house its like they moved out. heres my steps

step 1 - watch and a obsurve the hours when the house will be empty watch from a far but close enough distance. absurve them so closely that u know what day of the week theyll be gone and always time there arrivals count how manny people live in the house * important dont do the job untill u have watched them for 7 days*

step 2 - have a car ready and put dirt on each # and letter of the lisence plate drive away from that area and take the dirt of ur lisence plate and get all that shyt u have to a buy and sell if u wanna get rid of it quick and easy

step 3 - if the owner has a big dog in the house before u pull the job make a big stake and stick sleeping pills in them and break a window and throw the stake in and always keep track of the time so u knoe when the hell to get out of there u always leave 20 minets before they arrive to give ur self efficent to time to get away.

Heres how to rob drug dealers houses Gun point muther fuker period aint no rules to it mother fuker gun point nigga says no i have his head flying repainting the walls with his blood bitch!!!!!!!!!

Y'all are all stupid lol if you want anyfuckinthing done right you gotta got it your self

my friend will have a wonderful birthday

hahahaha really house's thats sad i live in the uk i rob shops at night with alarms just smash a window and wait round the corner fo police if no 1 coms its all yours the rest is just commen sence
never do houses thay carry years as shops carry just few mounths and in uk police use dna for silly crimes im high right now fuk you haters who will diss my spelling go fo the ATM'S thay carry at least 5 grand at most 14 grand :D or just go to a pub walk in tie up the ATM with a chain and tow the fuker away on fake plates

oh yh sometimes ATM'S have just 40 quid in lol i sould no

First of all people robbing a house isn't murder, you don't need to go to extremely durastic proportions not to get caught.

EQUIPMENT:
- Black Ski Mask
- Black Hoodie (covers most of skin)
- Black Gloves
- Black Pants
- Black Shoes
- Fake/real Gun (Intimidation)
- Towel
- Big black rubbish bags

METHOD:
Day or night. (Day=kids at school, parents at work - Night=could be home, but likely you won't be seen) Check if anyones at home neighbours are outside in view of back of house. Check for alarms, security cameras and sensor lights on house. Go to back of house a break a window carefully a as quietly as possible. Tap away any glass still in pane with your fake gun, enter the house and fill the bags with small, valuable items that are easy to carry. Only stay inside house for a short ammount of time and then get out. Run to a park whilst taking clothes etc. off and hide bag in a bush, get it later. If you have a car use that to get away, park it a block or two away and drive normally to your house where you can sort out your loot.

TIPS:
Work alone, nobody to snitch
Don't tell anyone (friends) what your doing
Have spare clothes for after

Iv'e done this plenty of times, just stay calm and you'll be fine, the gloves aren't even necesary, the feds don't look for prints or DNA unless someone died or it was a serious crime.

Phone a locksmith,

Locksmiths dont ask for id, just make sure you have money to pay him after openning the door,

And say you have a spare key in your kitchen inside, once your in get to work.

Man I'd never rob a house, and I hate people that do, because they earned that shit themselves. But I wish I could rob a house once, because I could easily do it as I'm not some crack-head that doesn't think things through and just rushes in. No I would stake this shit out and go in for a killing. I know theres hundreds of people that are just like me that are smart enough to not get caught, but those people are smart enough to make their own money and not rob a house. Only the dumb-fucks screw up enough to have to do this shit. Still wish I could rob a house then be like haha I got-cha! And then give em their shit back.
It's like when I watch some murder movie and they get caught and your like "YOU DUMB FUCK I COULD DO THAT SHIT" but I would never kill anyone. Fuck that shit man. I really hope these articles are just for fun and not meant to actually assist people in murder and robbing. That's just fucked up. And fuck all you coke heads. Smoke weed ere-day!

1 out of every two murders goes unsolved. how about a murder you tell people you're going to do but not have any evidence after doing it? think it's possible to telegraph a murder and walk away from it?

you americans, you are all suck!

haha.this is funny as fuck..BTW.burglary should only be done in order to raise the initial capital to go into drug dealing.

Take any laptops you get out into the middle of nowhere before you power them up. Never power up a laptop in a residential neighborhood. As soon as the computer finds a wifi connection or you connect it to the internet then it will trace your location through the IP address. Most computers are equipped with Lojack tracking equipment so make sure you find that out first. Even if you wipe the hard drive clean the file is still in the BIOS.

Find a house with a car in the garage and hide and wait for the family to leave while waiting drop some cheap salvation army clothes in a close bush or some shit and when the garage is closing.. Dive for that bitch and roll.. Better in the dark. Have gloves a laundry bag a mask a fake key and just in case and some running shoes ( new balance ) take anything valuable NO BULLSHIT like tools or wires. When you move stuff around.. Put it back how you found it. People notice that shit. When your ready to go slightly peek out the window and see if any neighbors are watching and if they are just simply walk out the front door ( locking the bottom lock and fake locking the others behind you ) waving into the empty house as if someone is there and if no neighbors are watching, walk out the house and walk to the bush with the clothes and put them in the laundry bag then walk to the nearest corner and turn then turn the opposite way at the next corner and walk calmly. If you listened nobody will know you stole anything until a long time or they will think they lost whatever it is they cant find.
P.s for the fake key they have them at walmart and sears just grab one and be out for a five finger discount. Lol the one the guy posted is dumb pleaae dont follow anything on the "how to rob a house" instructions because you will fail

Fucc yea man I do that shit all the time

first of all if you got caught you dont know how to do it. make sure no dogs cameras or people watering grass ect. (commen sense) watch the house just a couple of days not much(no one likes new people who start hanging around alot,its suspicious)see how many people go in and out. find out how many people there are see when and if they leave, when do they come back. are there kids do they work or are they stay at home people.dont have your dogs hair on you, they can find out what kind of dog it is and will go around asking(depending on how seriouse. go to rich neighborhoods(but not to rich). my cousins house got robbed they live in a nice neighborhood but, dont bother with alarm systems(in realy wealthy neighbor hoods everyone has alarms. watch the house to see if before they leave if they arm of disarm the house.change your voice even if you dont have a voice changer alter your voice even if it sounds weird. police sometimes give you a phrase in a line up so they can see if its your voice. where a beanie to make sure your hair doesnt fall anywhere(people lose and grow hair 24/7, and it is not uncommon tho leave hair) also where a headband, or bandana so you dont swet. i just pull the beanie over the bandana on my forehead, i also use sun glasses and another bandana. its better not to have a mask because of evidense you dont want to be pulled over and the cops find a ski mask and money, jewlery, and electronics on you. whether your driving walking or biking. its also better not tol let your skin show. where boots to make you taller or put a small block of wood on your shoe. you dont want them to know your height, skin color, eye color, voice, or car, liscence or even bike graphics. you can use binoculars and sit across the street about 50 yards away. watch them let one person stay and see if anyone else leaves. follow them to work and back, see where and when the kids go to school or the babysitters to avoid tramitizing events for the child(also parents will be even more angry if there are kids there) lookup the kids school and make sure they dont have the day off. less people are at there own house in summer or holidays usually people in a family gather at one house. it is better to rob people in the hood because theres less snitches. if they here broken glass or screams its just everyday life. car alarms go off all the time and peoples cars get stolen alot ( like 4 times to people in my family) and theres always house robberies and police helicopters and sirens and no one snitches or bothers. there is an exception sometimes there is the neighborhood snitch usually people know who they are and leave them alone. make sure you take a shower before and after alsowere latex gloves under leater gloves or other glove.you can by latex gloves anywhere like home depot also at army surplus stores they have leather shooting gloves with hard knuckles. you can also buy a security uniform hat and all. in gated neighborhoods they have security that goes with police flashlights and inspect the houses. in chino hills snoop dogg has a house up there(he has alot of houses) and he has security 24/7 watching his house, but he is rarley there. its a modest blue house, but thats just one of his many homes. never have shoes uncovered they will take a picture of the foot print and analize the length and width. also they use the print on the bottom to see what kind of shoe it is and can easily find store that sold that item and can get reciept copies(depending on severity) also never use credt cards. if people are the diguise your voice, and advise them to stay quiet and calm.assure them that if they cooperate they will not be harmed. also say that they must stay either in seperate corners noes and toes to the wall with someone watching, of have them lay flat and dont look back. make sure they dont look up. (dont be a menace while drinking your juice in the hood) you dont wanto be like (clockwork orange). never rob a gangsters house, even though they pont snitch they have (pistol grip pumps on there lap at all times) if you rob them you can likely be jumped or disposed of like in (good fellas) or (the casino) no one wants lead poisoning. they will probaly hunt you down and shoot you like a deer. the last thing you want is some hollow tips in your face and chest, or 30 tech 9 shots scatered all over so you look like swiss cheese. also see if they have any hidden keys, some times in gastanks dirt, pottery, ledges or false rocks(stupid because everyone uses them). some people leave a back door open or window (not everyones paranoid). make sure your accomplices understand not to snitch. no matter wat they say it wont help you in your case. and if it does youll be in the witness protection program of at the bottom of the ocean in a bag held by ropes and cinder blocks like (the kiss of death) they also have knives at big 5 that come witha glass breaker and seatbelt cutter. if your mor 007 style they have glass cutters, survival straps that when you pull it it untangles and can be used as a paracord, you can go down some chimneys especially make sure you have some thing on the bottom of your shoe beacause the ash is very easy to see tracks in. in you go down the chimney use the paracord or you can use your back and feet to slowly climb down(easier than you think), also if you use alumn(unsure about spelling) like (ace) you can buy it from grocery stores. its a powder that irritates dogs noses so they cannot sniff you out and like the jews sneaking in to sweden from germany you can sneak away while the dogs nose stays irritated so he cannot smell. also if there are any cameras you can either use spray paint to block vision, or cut the wires usually you can acces near the camera or on the roof, you can also have a camera that dispenses the picture automaticly like the old ones and place in front of camera so it sees that picture, you can also get the tape once your inside unless it sent via satelits to another source unlikely unless wealthy. also if you get small lcd lights put them on hat or beanie(doesnt have to have batteries) the lcd creates a bright glowing orb like light when viewed in camera due to uv rays. it will be so bright they cannot see your face. i whould take several screw drivers just in case you need them to unscrew a door hinge open or remove a safe that is screwed in unscrew a flat screen or something else that is screwed in. also a crow bar is usefull but heavy. it is best to keep stuff that can fit in a brief case or backpac. there are more ways but this is already to long. I DO NOT ENCOURAGE PERMIT OR ADVISE TO COMMIT A CRIME, THIS IS JUST FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES AND I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY STOLEN DESTROYED OR MISSSING PROPERTY, I AM ALSO NOT LIABLE FOR ANYTHING YOU DO AFTER READING THIS. ( ;
- Tony Montana AKA scarface

Fuck yall niggas

Fuck yall niggas

Fuck yall niggas

Fuck yall niggas

Fuck yall niggas

Fuck yall niggas

First off, some of your ideas are alright but lets use common sense. If you think you could get caught why take the chance? It takes alot of money to your dumb ass outa jail. So be sly, and also if you live in an area that has pot growers take their plants! I meen seriously, they cant tell on you since their federally illegal. And a lb of pot is nice cash, in California theres not to much money in it but if you can get it into another state fuck yeh! You can make thousands off a couple pounds. Also im 17 and i dont do illegal shit and i dont break into houses and i dont sell drugs and so on, so dont fuck with me. Id just go for liquor and electronics. I dont know where the fuck to sell jewelry, i can drink the alchohol (that is if i was 21 of course), and who doesn't want the newest, xbox 360 with Modern Warfare 3 for free? You could always gift anything you cant sell. Fuck it your a theif be a re-gifter too. P.S. Lets try to spell everything correctly alright guys? I dont think the U.S. looks very intelligent when everyones using terrible grammer, come on i like intelectual stimulation! Mmmm..... mmmmm i like mind fucking "ya'll". Talking like a fucking hillbilly, jesus what has happened to this once glorious nation. AMERICA IS DIEING BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT. Join the Marines they pay well, and you can let your anger out on random shit. Good night/day/morning to everyone!

Always keep what you steal in your car. Cops are not allowed to search in your trunk even if they have a warrant.

I shot the nigger and took his watch and his penis i ate it

i stomped on a cat once

I followed these steps and im typing this in jail

What you want to do,is bring a crowbar,a big bag to store stuff in,and clothes that can't let you get tracked down,don't forget a getaway car in the alley.Now you need to pry open a door-window with a crowbar,and get inside.Don't take electronics that can be traced to you,and don't bring a gun because if you get caught with it you'll be going away longer for armed robbery than just breaking and entering i don't know how long.Now that you're in,oh i almost forgot make sure nobodys home.If someone is,gtfo.Moving on,don't stick around too long,take stuff like jewellry,lemon pledge,tools anything valuable.If you get caught you're screwed.

tits

Let me tell everyone this. The steps explained are pretty accurate except the fact that in my opinion it is better at night. Sure, a lot of people are home at night but there are a lot that are not. Canvass the neighborhood and know your surroundings and before you even start the mission make sure you have an escape route if someone comes home. Make sure you have an exit ready and available out the back and if you have a car park it where they would not see you running to it if they came home. Also, I have done plaenty by myself but it is always better to have a partner becasue you need someone starring out that window looking for suspisious activity outside or if the people come home. I have done the window thing but I have also used the back and front doors. Kicking them in or prying them in. Usually if I have to kick the door in I might do that then come back in 20 minutes to make sure the cops were not called or the people were not home. Sometimes when you go to a door the people may not answear cause either a they do not want to or b they are sleeping or can not hear the doorbell or knocking. Your main objective when doing this is not to get caught and being careful and aware of your surroundings is your best bet. I have robbed over 250 homes and have not got caught once. I have had some very close calls but always got away. I have done time in the joint and that is in one instant because my partner told. Make sure if you have a partner they do not snitch and are not scared to sit in a cell for 72 hours. I have been guestioned numerous times but before they charge you they have to have some solid evidence. I beat a jury trial out on one charge because there was not enough evidence. FUCK IT, this is a dog eat dog world and you gotta do what you gotta do. I am struggling to get another job and broke and have a son and as much as I would rather be working sometimes you do not have a choice to do what you gotta do. I am actually getting ready to handle some business today because I have hardley any food in the house and my son needs some pull ups and shoes so I gotta do what I gotta do. Fuck yuo if you judge me and think I am wrong. If it was not me it would be someone else and most people have insurance so fuck em'!