To Please the Gods, Humans Must Make War Great Again (By Mars, God of War)
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
Tag: Wars
America Needs a Revolution But Preferably Not One That Inconveniences My Comfortable Lifestyle
The world is watching us, waiting... But can we respond tomorrow, maybe? I'm kind of tired tonight. I worked till like 6pm today and the season finale of "Ladies of London" is on.
Kim Jong Un’s Inspiring Halftime Speech After a Failed Missile Test
"You really think you deserve to destroy America after a test like that? My father and grandfather are rolling in their graves right now at the thought."
Hey Now, You’re an All Star, Get Your Helmet On, Go Fight
Hey, now, that's the call now, get your mask on, it's gas. Hey, now, you're a Prussian, don’t go blind now, go fast. It's just chlorine and bleach.
17 Signs Walmart is Seizing Government Control and Declaring Martial Law
You know something is up when the Walmart coffee is unusually fresh, and the deli features sliced human flesh of "those who dare disobey us" for $4.49/lb.
Nine of Sherman’s Lesser-Known Marches
After a long, hearty march to end the war, Sherman and his men were disappointed, although understanding, of the equally long, less hearty march back from the sea.
The King’s Speech, Morale-Killing Edition
Prince Percy: "General Haggis, lovely rousing words, but I was wondering if I might also have a word with our men before the glorious fight..."
I, Pvt. Casimir Krzyzanowski, Demand an Immediate Apology from Napoleon, Emperor of France
Emperor, after you rescued Poland I dreamt of riding by your side and feasting together. But now I shall destroy your empire with my babcia Grazyna's shoe clasp!
Why the News is Your Most Glamorous Enemy
The news has grown into an entertainment feature in and of itself, and not in a "laugh at all the corpses and thank fuck that bomb didn't go off here" kind of way.
12 Veterans Who Never Got the Credit They Deserved
On this Veterans Day, I want to thank several veterans in particular who stood in defense of this nation, but who were often otherwise overlooked.
How Rocky IV Ended the Cold War
Some say Reagan's policies helped end the Cold War, others say the Russians just realized how hot their women were. But none of that is true.
Ghosts of Cold War Past
Children. There's the siren. You know the routine. Under your desks! Be careful. The snake got loose again. Old Rattley is on the floor somewhere and bitin' mad.