The End of the World Will Get Such Great Ratings
Ratings only gonna get better, only higher with all this North Korea drama. I'm telling you, the end of the world is gonna do so well on TV.
Tag: Wars
Make Dinner, Not War: A Husband’s Plea
We've both changed a lot over the years, but we made certain promises to each other. Am I mistaken in remembering that on our first date you told me you "like to cook"?
Why Won’t My Grandpa Shut Up About Vietnam and Do Something About Global Warming?
Climate change wouldn't be such a big deal, Grandpa, if you'd stop telling me stories about enemy brush fire and start recycling.
To Please the Gods, Humans Must Make War Great Again (By Mars, God of War)
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
America Needs a Revolution But Preferably Not One That Inconveniences My Comfortable Lifestyle
The world is watching us, waiting... But can we respond tomorrow, maybe? I'm kind of tired tonight. I worked till like 6pm today and the season finale of "Ladies of London" is on.
Kim Jong Un’s Inspiring Halftime Speech After a Failed Missile Test
"You really think you deserve to destroy America after a test like that? My father and grandfather are rolling in their graves right now at the thought."
Hey Now, You’re an All Star, Get Your Helmet On, Go Fight
Hey, now, that's the call now, get your mask on, it's gas. Hey, now, you're a Prussian, don’t go blind now, go fast. It's just chlorine and bleach.
17 Signs Walmart is Seizing Government Control and Declaring Martial Law
You know something is up when the Walmart coffee is unusually fresh, and the deli features sliced human flesh of "those who dare disobey us" for $4.49/lb.
Nine of Sherman’s Lesser-Known Marches
After a long, hearty march to end the war, Sherman and his men were disappointed, although understanding, of the equally long, less hearty march back from the sea.
The King’s Speech, Morale-Killing Edition
Prince Percy: "General Haggis, lovely rousing words, but I was wondering if I might also have a word with our men before the glorious fight..."
I, Pvt. Casimir Krzyzanowski, Demand an Immediate Apology from Napoleon, Emperor of France
Emperor, after you rescued Poland I dreamt of riding by your side and feasting together. But now I shall destroy your empire with my babcia Grazyna's shoe clasp!
Why the News is Your Most Glamorous Enemy
The news has grown into an entertainment feature in and of itself, and not in a "laugh at all the corpses and thank fuck that bomb didn't go off here" kind of way.