Show your dream company your most impressive work by hanging your greatest taxidermied prize outside their window.
Your war gets into Yale, just like its father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. Your war is a C student, just like its father.
Painting’s fantastic, because over the years, we know of hundreds of aircraft taken out by Stingers. And we’ve painted many, many, many of them.
We are looking for an energetic, passionate intern approximately 80-83 years old with an ability to learn and grow with the organization.
Super Male Vitality: We went to a gas station and bought every dick pill that we could. Then we crushed them up and put them into a vial.
A lot of people will call into question whether or not attacking robots in a theme restaurant can be considered a sport.
A handy guide to deciphering which deep sea submersible to pick when running away from the ill-advised Sunday brunch plans you made.
Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It, Is to Get My Stepson Keith to Stop Yelling “You’ve Got That Silly Putty Dick” at Me
You’re the best goddamned spy we’ve got in the service, but the day you TRULY become a spy is the day you get my stepson to show me some respect.
And when you asked what this mysterious doppelgänger’s name was, your barber quickly said, “That? That’s, uh, Comb McScissors.”
Please Do Not Bring Your Three-Eyed Troll to My Keynote Address at the National Three-Eyed Troll Association Convention
If a troll eats my head, how will I spread the message that wielding trolls is a God-given right?
Aristotle: “Man, when perfected, is the best of animals,/ but when separated from poppies and almond trees, he is the worst of all.”
Multicolored flames shoot from the crumbling gold tower, as he drips glazz on his eyeball and lights it on fire (this is how you do glazz).