This Fearless Cover Letter Almost Got Me Hired By Bill Gates
You know what I see when I look at you, Bill Gates? I see a guy who didn't need Networking Parties to build his empire. I see a guy who looks like me, except a bit toadish.
Tag: Tech
The iPhone 43 is Finally Here
Tim Cook's voice sounded almost dreamlike as it reverberated off the pillars and buttresses of the repurposed superchurch that served as Apple's Announcement Pod.
Young Wizarding School Orientation Speech
Rest assured, students do not learn teleportation until their fourth year. We had some minor issues with spontaneous combustion in the past, which is why we pushed it back.
Quiz: Have You Met the Girl of Your Dreams on Tinder, or HPV’s Patient Zero?
Mere moments after meeting her, she begins choking violently. A quick Heimlich produces an unsettling amount of used condoms. YES / NO
I’m Finally Going to Get My Shit Together and Back Up My iPhone
This time I'm really going to buckle down and clean up my digital clutter. But not before I add some dream vacation spots to my Pinterest board.
How to Troubleshoot a Sump Pump, Sponsored by Marque de Mode Luxury Handbags
Flooded basement? Fashion purveyors Marque de Mode have you covered with some simple tips to get your basement dryer than a martini at Café Montague.
Trump Explains His MySpace Top 8
I was going to make Jared Kushner my 7th top friend, but then I remembered that having family members in your top 8 is LAME.
A Diplomatic Mission to My Nephew’s Minecraft World
I had long heard rumors of Ben's virtual atrocities, but I needed to see proof of them for myself. After all, he's 10, how bad could it be?
A Response Letter From Mark Zuckerberg’s Newborn Daughter, August
Hey Dad, I just want to reassure you: I'm not worried about the future. Not even the tiniest amount. Because I'm going to inherit billions of dollars.
Take Your Eyes Off Twitter and Do Your Fucking Lifeguarding Job!
A new problem is on the rise in this techie world of ours: lifeguards texting at public pools. Get the hell off your phone and back to your minimum wage toil!
Donald Trump’s Google Search History
Go citizen voyeur incognito mode on our president's Google search history. Inhale, breathe, ponder deeply, wonder, pass out.
No, I Definitely Said Netflix and Chili
Oh, hey, hi! No, I'm not mad you're half an hour late. But I'm not sure why you're standing there holding that ginormous box of condoms.