One Time I Fell Out of a Tree
The tree was right there the whole time, but it had never before occurred to me that this tree's purpose was to be climbed. And who wants to disappoint a tree?
The tree was right there the whole time, but it had never before occurred to me that this tree's purpose was to be climbed. And who wants to disappoint a tree?
Anna-Shaleen relations rapidly deteriorated during our first lunch shift. I realized I'd officially gotten on her bad side when the question of gun control was raised.
I strive to avoid two things: inconvenience and brainless idiots. Yet somehow I managed to find a place with both under the same roof: Oil Can Henry’s.
"Oh my dear sweet literal fuck that is a volcano I am on a volcano oh fuck a volcano is steaming under my feet and I am not a lucky person I am going to die!"
The number one rule of bullshitting: If you know you don't have the tools or experience, think of someone who does and pretend to be them.
With your know-how of American tax code, you end up saving the Joneses seventeen dollars and a mandatory Dane Cook concert. If only that was reward enough.
All I wanted to do was to use the bathroom and get back on the road, but a lovely woman working the breakfast station approached me and said, "Come grab a bite."
I'm Vice Principal Rudd. Welcome to Porter Potter Elementary School's annual Spring Thing Carnival, honoring the founding father of our fair city, the inventor of the PortoPotty.
It's hard enough to cook Indian food that tastes good, but to follow up a lousy meal with a gassy pole dancing class in front of real strippers just adds insult to injury.
If Obama-nation thinks he can be a dictator in the U.S. he's got another thing coming. We'll be right there to stop him. You and me, and our right to bare arms.
Scott Willard didn't look at himself as a 58-year-old guy in just any clown suit. He was THE Ronald McDonald; a beloved, recognizable icon more popular than Jesus Christ.
The guy who used to make the popcorn, who is now Bruinhilda, the Spectacular Dancing Bear of the Mysterious Gypsies, tells me I got lucky.