Just Caught My Son Crandley YouTubing BMX on a School Night
Some nights I lie awake, wondering, is my son a nancy ass? Now, I fear the worst?: that he harbors dreams of a future in social work.
Tag: Satire
PRESS RELEASE: Kellyanne Conway Clears Up the Question of the Michael Flynn/Russia Controversy
If the Mike Flynn Russia call did not take place in our Presidents sense of reality, either there is no issue as this is the only reality that now matters or it is not.
The Incredibly Intimate Hulk: Confessions of an Aging Superhero
I have a confession to make: I'm the man behind the Incredible Hulk. But I've gotten older and my angry shenanigans have become tiresome over the years.
I’m Totally Against Abortion, Except in Cases of Ugly Women
We all know abortion is wrong. Bad. But sometimes the mother is so disgusting and fat from being pregnant, we really don't want that baby.
Ask Dracula Anything
Hello, it is me, your unholy host! I am here to answer the questions of the living, the dead, and the undead. Call in now while the moon is still full and the sun is yet to rise…
I’m Positive My Origin Story Means I’m Going to Be a Wizard Anytime Now
The postage wouldn’t stop coming and my uncle moved us into a motel, but the wizarding world still found me.
My Boyfriend Was a Hipster and I Had No Idea
There were days when it'd be hot outside and he'd wear a beanie, and not just a light one—stitched wool with snowflakes and reindeer patterns.
Guy Fieri’s Forensic Files
Hi, everybody. I’m Guy Fieri, and we’re rollin’ out, lookin’ for America’s greatest solved murders.
Jesus is an American and I Won’t Hear Otherwise
I will dispel the pseudo-socialist notion that the Messiah is from the same place as Wilmer Valderrama by shout-typing my evidence in your face.
Not Only is My Jacket Cooler Than Yours, Your Jacket is Absolutely Awful
I haven't been paying that much attention to you - but what I can say with complete certainty is that your jacket is not as cool as mine.
5 Reasons Why I Will Continue to Give All I Have Coaching Water Polo to Youth
I stay up nights worried that my boys will not strive to be anything more than the chairman of the board of directors for a Fortune 500 trans-Atlantic conglomerate.
To My Family: Yes, I’m Donating My Body to the College of Liberal Arts
I don’t need my dead body being jabbed into on a cutting board by doctors. I'd rather help the humanities with their flow of corpses.