I Voted for Donald Trump Because I Thought He’d Help Me Win Sandra Back—I Was Wrong
Of course, he was pursuing a shoddy, ill-conceived attempt to normalize relations with North Korea: it would be a great honeymoon spot.
Tag: Satire
Escape Rooms Inspired By My Mother-in-Law
Can you stop this off-key, off-off-off-Broadway show before the woman who says you aren’t good enough for her son plugs in her karaoke machine?
I’m Writing Today to Recommend My Student and His Viral Fail Video
Though the dance move students modeled after “Bouncy Ball Fail” resulted in concussions, students all across the district are following their lead.
Stern Letters From Health Inspectors to Musicians Who Sang About Food
Re: Truffle Butter. Dear Ms. Maraj et. al, We have looked up what this phrase means on Urban Dictionary, and we do not like it.
r/Relationships: I suspect that my GF [33] steals monuments
Every time I ask who such-and-such is, I get a ludicrously fake pun answer like a G-rated version of a Bart Simpson prank call.
Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, Will You Give My “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” Spec a Read?
You’re talking to the guy who read a few passages from Aristotle’s “Poetics,” but also read the Wikipedia summary several times.
How I Failed at Being a Gilmore Girl
Thanks to my newly acquired need for a speed supplier, I finally found my bad-boy boyfriend. He also cooked meth on the side and almost blew me up once or twice while I was asleep.
Your #MeToo “Apology” for Yom Kippur Has Been Rejected
If your apology statement ends with a pastry recipe, please expect an automatic rejection. Do not include a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon rolls.
How to Make an Atom Bomb While Your Roommates Are Out of Town
Use a plastic spatula to separate the heavier U-238 isotopes on the outside from the lighter, fluffier U-235 isotopes in the center.
A Massive Storm is Barreling Down on my Family and Conversation with Them Has Never Been Easier
This storm has brought my brother out of the bomb shelter to face his family to then grab them and bring them back into the bomb shelter.
Don’t Blame Me, Blame the Stars!
I mean who hasn’t punched their roommate’s mother because Saturn was in Cancer? I'm not sure how else anyone would have expected me to act.
I Read Your Guidelines, But I’m Submitting This Piece That Clearly Isn’t a Fit for Your Publication Because, Well, Just Read It and You’ll See Why
It's basically the best thing since Gravity's Rainbow. Think of it sort of as Infinite Jest but more like Pirates of the Caribbean and with robots.