When Did Purges Get So Corporate?
Every year there’s an escalation of more and more extreme Purge spectacles. And honest, hard-working citizens just can’t keep up.
Tag: Neighbors
Jack-o’-Lantern Designs That Say “We’re Filing for Divorce”
A Jack-o'-Polyamory-Pamphlets: Nothing says, "we’re leaving each other," like joining separate sex cults.
The Inaugural Sick Day of a Workaholic
9:00 pm: Apply to 27 jobs for fun (your therapist told you that “hobbies are healthy”) and get them all.
I Am Very Special
This mug featured nine cats smiling at me and each other with the encouraging words, “You’re very special,” written in delicate script above them.
As Poet Laureate of Sunhill Knolls, I Offer My Apology
While I regret the damage to property, any who were there in person must have been moved by the shower of sparks emitted by that antique amplifier.
Eulogy for Bernard “Bernie” Lomax
Yes, to the gentleman in the back who just loudly questioned if Bernie is really dead, I assure you he is. This is his funeral. I’m sorry.
How to Avoid Bursting Into Flames Without Air Conditioning
Create clothing from frozen vegetables. People always want to wear as little clothing as possible during the summertime. That's a big mistake.
I Was Cool With the Rat Living in My Apartment Until I Found Out He Was Running a Pyramid Scheme From Under My Stove
“I see what you were doing. Building up my trust so that one day, you could get me involved in your little scheme too,” I said, holding back tears.
When Dog God Spoke to Moses, A Neighborhood Pug
If I get cream cheese on my nose, don’t dare lick it off, for The Lord Your Dog is a jealous Dog when cream cheese is nigh, and whipped cream too.
I Am Your City Council Representative, and Your Concerns Matter to Me
As an upstanding member of this community, I hope you’ll believe me that I am, definitively, a human flesh man, and not any kind of insect homunculus.
Actual Episodes of PBS’s “Frontline” but with More Interesting Plots
"Plunder!" (1990) Everything you've ever wanted to see plundered is plundered big time on this episode.
I Can’t Get Rid of the Sunglasses That Make Me See How Everyone Will Die Because the Cashier at 7-Eleven Complimented Them
What if I get a new pair and instead of being bitchin’ as hell, they are just bitchin’? Or worse: not bitchin’ at all.