I’m an Obnoxious White Hipster Who Never Really Liked Prince, Now What?
I fit every criteria for a stereotypical Prince lover: I'm white, and I'm an obnoxious hipster. But I can't help shrugging and letting out a pithy "meh."
Tag: Music
Hey Now, You’re an All Star, Get Your Helmet On, Go Fight
Hey, now, that's the call now, get your mask on, it's gas. Hey, now, you're a Prussian, don’t go blind now, go fast. It's just chlorine and bleach.
The 7 Most Important Cosplays
Some of these cosplays are "sexy," some of them are damned impressive, but all of them are just cool to me. And that's what makes this list important.
Which Member of Willliamsburg’s Autoharp Ensemble “Zither and Yon” is Fucking My Wife?
If the state of my pillow covers means anything, this douchebag uses a ton of mustache wax. That narrows it down to eleven out of the fifteen band members.
Cat Hate Metal
I’m Washing My Butt! I’m Washing My Balls! Dogs are Gay! Humans can stiff my Litterbox! Cat Scratch Feces! Give you Brain Damage! I Hate Fish! I Hate Birds!
Rising Indie Band Seeking New Bandmate Who Interviews Well
We need a new bandmate who can lead an interview. WE CAN'T DO IT!! MUSICAL TALENT IS NOT REQUIRED TO JOIN THIS BAND. In fact, please ONLY be charming.
The Donald Trump Rap
"I will build a great wall - nobody builds walls better than me." Take a look around, "I am the least racist person there is." I simply think black people shouldn't have kids.
Hip Hop Tips for Tax Season
Taxes can be complicated, but most people don't realize there are tons of benefits they can receive that H&R Block won't touch with a wooden stick! Haha! Hova!
An Honest Spotify Commercial Interlude
$9.99 a month for practically infinite music at your fingertips is a luxury YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD. Now, tell me, what do you really see in so much Pitbull?
Drunk Playlist Generator (Just Add Vodka)
I've configured my playlist according to wordplay generated from wildly-named music artists, creating one continuous musical mash-up matrix. Just add more vodka.
Your Band Literally Rocked My Face Off—Now What?
Dear Crimson Caricatures, long-time fan and former face owner. That's right, your first song's guitar solo melted my face clean off my skull.
I am the Mysterious “6th Beatle”
The world knows George, John, Ringo, Paul, and the apparent nine "5th Beatles." Well I am Henry J. Bradleighman of Bangladesh, the mysterious "6th Beatle."