Murder | Page 14 | Points in Case

Tag: Murder

Mickey, it might be the time to dust off those wizard skills and bring your friend back to life.

Skeleton: Awakening (Note on the musical score) “I don’t think the nipples would change the xylophone tone in that way.”

OMG Literally Dead Plant: The most common millennial houseplant, it comes in all varieties that ultimately end the same way---dead AF.

I offended my hosts yesterday when I criticized their dining options. I guess they don't recognize a paleo guru when they see one.

Einstein was a Ponytail Palm that my sister got me. Like the Einstein from Science, this Ponytail Palm had an eccentric intelligence, but no grace.

You Now Get to Affectionately Refer to Your Home as “The Wolf’s Den.” Suddenly, the way the renovation turned out doesn’t seem so bad.

The producers were convinced that my boyfriend Todd was the actual killer. Have you seen Todd? My little baby cousin is stronger than him.

Multicolored flames shoot from the crumbling gold tower, as he drips glazz on his eyeball and lights it on fire (this is how you do glazz).

Run circles around your orchid while making “buzzzzzz” sounds. An aroused orchid is an alive orchid.

“My moon is in Sagittarius, so I shut down emotionally to cope with stress! I told you that on Christmas after I punched that mall Santa!”

13. The Kid That Pretended Fun Dip Was Cocaine Arrest Record: Oh, definitely real cocaine Common Names: Skyler, Dana, Jonah

Before writing me off as some vengeful psycho, consider that this little dog thought it was funny to lick Lucy’s face without her consent.