Your Boyfriend Wandered Off in Target! Find Him Before It Closes
20 registers, all manned by 20 identical managers. They turn all at once and, eyes glowing yellow, sing “Derrick’s not here! Derrick’s not here!”
Tag: Horror
Addressing the Allegations That I Left the Sleepover Early Because I was Afraid of the Movie
Why, if I supposedly love my mom so much, did I tell everyone, "My mom is making me come home because I have a stomachache, I hate her so much"?
Weapons of Mass Instruction for Everyone in Every School
Who's in favor of ending "gun-free zones" and replacing them with "free gun zones"? The answer to every question in America is "more."
What Am I Supposed to Do with a Ventriloquist Dummy That’s NOT Haunted?
After buying a creepy antique doll, I was extremely disappointed to find out that there is nothing supernatural lurking behind its dead eyes.
Four Miraculous Tales of Survival by Young Children in Peril
Relying solely on their wits and instincts, these brave kids overcame incredible odds to survive life-threatening situations.
The Top Ten “The Only Black Dude” Black Dudes in Movies
Celebrating the memory of those black guys who went it alone, fighting against oppression, while also fighting werewolf cops or whatever.
I’m Sick and Tired of Congress Politicizing Tragedies Like the One I’m About to Perpetrate
Bureaucrats will waste zero time before pointing fingers and disrespecting the men, women, and children I'm about to systematically mow down.
Atoms are the Worst and I Wish I Wasn’t Made of Them
My problem is atoms. I don't like 'em, I don't wanna have anything to do with 'em, and I definitely don't wanna be made out of them.
Everyone Ignored the Warning in My Lyrics, Now “Cotton Eye Joe” is Killing Again
Cotton Eye Joe killed my fiancé, and I tried to warn you about him by weaving the truth of his existence into the lyrics of a popular dance song.
Are You Man Enough to Take the Lightning McQueen Challenge?
Prepare to drink an entire gallon of gas, run around a race track 50 times screaming "KA-CHOW!" and resist transforming into a car.
My Son Wanted a Dog, So We Adopted Black Shuck, The Canine Harbinger of Death
Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
A Paranormal Investigator’s Guide to Ghost Hunting on Camera
So you're interested in a career in ghost hunting, huh? You should know that the cameras will capture everything, so acting is important.