7 Bold Tips for Getting Over Your Post-Holiday Blues at All Costs
Exercising, befriending co-workers, and taking hostages are great ways to cheer yourself up in an otherwise dismal new year!
Tag: Guides
10 Signs That Make Me Think My Dad Took Me to Home Depot Instead of Disney World Like He Promised
I first became suspicious of my supposed 8th birthday trip to Disney after seeing tons of balding men and refrigerators, and no sign of Mickey Mouse.
End of Year Top 5 Lists By Every Annoying White Guy on Your Facebook Feed
Hey Facebook! I know no one asked for this and none of you care... but I'm self-centered and annoying so get ready for my must-miss lists!
How to Ruin Someone’s Life Secretly or Publicly
Here are covert and public tactics to destroy someone that are much more effective and entertaining to inflict on your victim than physical harm.
The 3 Social Media Posts You’ll See on Your Feed Right After the Holidays
Get ready for that not-so-candid "candid" photo by the Christmas tree of the bride-to-be looking up at her 2-inch-taller groom like he's on a ladder.
5 Ways to Get Your Newborn to Fall Asleep While Dane Cook Waits in Your Living Room to Make Out
A stupid newborn baby wailing away doesn't care that you're about to make out with the King of Sting himself. Here's how to shut that brat up.
5 Distracting Topics to Bring Up While Your Family Opens Your Shitty Gifts
Did you hear my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Applebaum passed away? She was only 67. Really makes you appreciate that Halloween mug, doesn't it?
30-Point NYC Subway Improvement Plan
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
What to Do in the Event of a Shark Attack
Mirror the shark's movements so it thinks it's looking into a mirror, and then the second it gets suspicious, bonk it on the head and swim away.
How to Nail Your Next Job Interview Even Though the Return of Xwq, the Celestial Obliviator, is All You Can Think About
Project confident body language, even if your instinctive reaction to the Ashes cementing Xwq's control on your mind is to slouch and fidget.
4 Reasons You Will Fall Asleep During Sex in Your 20’s
Rejecting the opportunity to Google duck penises all night on the internet just to have sex with someone is a slap in the face to Bill Gates.
3 Shocking Things I Learned Working at Home Depot
True story: An albino man named Moth operates shock collars behind the scenes, delivering painful volts if an employee comes within 25 feet of a customer.