How Much Denim is Appropriate for the Holidays?
While you're sipping the sugary egg nectar known as "nog," take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Thought so.
Tag: Fashion
Goodbye Old Friend: An Open Letter to Khaki Shorts
From wedding rehearsals, to cookouts, to sporting events, you've clothed my legs creaseless and made me appear super-intelligent. But now your time is over.
Diary of a Sock vs. Its Wearer
Sorted and separated from those of color, I can now see the first washing machine lying in wait. I watch as my non-white comrades are tossed into the behemoth.
Look at My Fucking Canada Goose Jacket!
Do you know what this jacket means?! It means I'm warm as fuck right now! I have a long day ahead of me, but I sure as hell won't be as cold as you idiots in your moderately priced winter clothes!!
So You Pooped Your Pants: 7 Steps to Cleaning Up
Unfortunately for you, your underpants (if you're wearing them), and those around you (if there are people around), you just shat yourself. Don't worry, we've all been there before.
Things Black People Can Wear That White People Can’t
If you know a white guy who wears sunglasses indoors, excessive jewelry, or straight-brimmed hats, please lecture him immediately.
The Mini-Skirt Squirts
If you think dining hall grub smells bad freshly cooked, imagine a girl, in a mini-skirt, in the middle of class, in the middle of the row, who just shit herself.
Open Letters to Shorty Shorts Man and Fancy Gym Guy
If by some miracle I got the chance to talk to Shorty Shorts Man or Fancy Gym Guy, here is exactly what I would say.
Crimes of Fashion: Guilty as Charged
If you're an amateur dresser, chances are the fashion elitists, also known as your friends, are breathing down your shirt.
Crimes of Fashion: Guilty as Charged, Part 2
When girls in tunics and capelettes are hooking up with guys in pink popped-collar polos and rainbow attire, it's time to call the fashion police.
The Radical Evolution of the Clothespin
An unbiased and scholarly account of the remarkable genesis of one of life's little essentials. If you like wearing wet clothes, DO NOT READ THIS.
The Worst Sexual Encounter in My Fucking Life
A whiny hoe with a bloody vag leaves her mark on Gaudio, prompting him to disavow one night stands and *gasp* embrace monogamy.