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Is blockchain when you’re constipated because you ate too many quarters? Is blockchain a European architectural trend?
It takes less than five seconds to read the average text message, while it takes more than 13 hours to listen to the average voicemail.
7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
The only thing that stops a bad kid with a dream is a good fully grown adult with a Twitter account. Please heed these social media tips.
Firstly, the phrase, “I know all the words to 'Space Oddity'” is not the best way to start off an application to NASA.
This week’s tarantula would have proven less challenging if we had found it straight away, rather than four hours later during Tina’s sleepover.
To: Juliet Miller <[email protected]> Subject: Your Last Chance to Get Up On This
Ladies, seriously? I did not anticipate that your skillsets would change because you did not want to be in a group with "that bitch."
No matter how nicely he asks, Vincent the Vagrant is NOT permitted to bunk with you in your hotel room. He is only looking for loose dice.
I have the world's best memory, so when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my car keys anywhere, I knew Crooked Hillary was to blame.