Addressing the Allegations That I Left the Sleepover Early Because I was Afraid of the Movie
Why, if I supposedly love my mom so much, did I tell everyone, "My mom is making me come home because I have a stomachache, I hate her so much"?
Tag: Confusion
What to Make of America’s 2018 Olympic Men’s Curling Gold?
Facing 20 to 1 underdog odds, the American Men's Curling team somehow took down powerhouses like Canada and Roomba for the gold medal.
If Trump Won’t Protect Trans Kids, My Ninja Weapons and I Will
When the lives of countless transgender children are at stake, I've no choice but to raise aloft my twin sai and declare, "Fearmongers, beware!"
Was Being Transported to King Arthur’s Court and Charged With Saving Camelot Really the Best Way to Learn Self-Confidence or Whatever?
Couldn't you just sit me down and teach me whatever lesson it is you're going for like a normal wizard mentor? Without the near-fatal experiences?
Are You Addicted to Click? Conquer Your Year with CloseTabuary
Stop getting high on click. Here's how to bite the bullet and close every open tab littering your devices during CloseTabuary.
Welcome to Surf School, Where Everyone is Raw AF and Nobody Slept in a Bed Last Night
There's only two types of surfers: braindead fuckheads, and guys who have checking accounts. Now, split up accordingly everyone.
A Young Male Ski Instructor Tries to Organize a Ladies Ski Program
Ladies, seriously? I did not anticipate that your skillsets would change because you did not want to be in a group with "that bitch."
I Accept the Apology I Demanded From You
Now you know, you can't just sweep your problems under the rug and hope I don't build them up into metaphors for my failures as a parent.
An Open Letter to the Friend Who Merely “Liked” My Happy Birthday Post on Facebook
I thought long and hard about what kind of birthday message to send you. Then I waited for what seemed like decades to receive your reply.
Millennials? Who are You People, Anyway?
What is it that makes your group so intractable, yet everybody wants to talk about you? Why is it so hard to figure out how old you people are?
Pros and Cons of Hiring the Guy Outside the Gas Station Holding the “Will Watch Your Kids for Beaf Jerky” Sign
Just because someone had a tough childhood doesn't mean they can't go on to hold a sign at a gas station and do a stellar job watching your kids. Right?
Radically Honest Self-Talk Sparked by “House Hunters” Intros
Will Marcus and Athena find a home to grow into, or will you spend the whole episode oscillating between rage, jealousy, and attraction to Athena?