How I Failed at Being a Gilmore Girl
Thanks to my newly acquired need for a speed supplier, I finally found my bad-boy boyfriend. He also cooked meth on the side and almost blew me up once or twice while I was asleep.
Tag: Coffee
My First Day at the Department for Duplicated Departments
10.15 am - Somone tries to get into the office but gets lost in the revolving doors.
Superheroes in the Millennial Legion
As Acai City’s newest hero, Millennial Girl is committed to protecting and serving all citizens born between 1981 and 1998.
5 Slightly Different Ways I Take My Coffee
A light dusting of cinnamon: This makes the coffee kind of taste like cinnamon, but just a little bit.
A Eulogy for Straw
Wooden coffee stirrer, remember when Straw convinced you that the barista went through 45 toothpicks a day? The look on your face! God, he was fun.
Michael Chabon Makes a Root Beer Float
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
Hey, Remember Me? I’m Socks
Sometimes, when you brew coffee I get flashbacks of how you’d sit with your feet inside me as you discussed search engine optimization.
Yes, I Work for Satan, But It’s Just a Job
Have you ever seen "The Wolf of Wall Street?" It’s like that, except Jonah Hill isn’t the only one eating 5,000 calories for lunch every day.
Monologues: The Death of My Hair and My A/C Euthanasia Machine
The great reviews it got were a combination of people pleased with its cooling capabilities as well as it’s craftsmanship as a self-death machine.
Reviews of Office Scents
Inhale deeply, for you must use the communal microwave to reheat your leftover risotto, which will add another layer to the complex scent.
How Not to Be a Shitty Witch in New York City
Know which spell you’re going to cast on the deli counter guy before you get to the front of the line. It’s unreal that some of you still do this.
Introducing Rise™, the New Season by Starbucks
From our flagship hot beverage, Fiery Wrath Cappuccino™, to our new hellfire-baked goods, there’s something for everyone and everything and everytime!