I’ve never met anybody with a lower tolerance for caffeine than me. My taste buds also rank pretty low, so I drink the sludgiest, unsweetened, and cheapest java.
From the Line Nazis to the Overly Loving Couple, here are five morning coffee shop crazies and the best ways to mess with them for your morning amusement.
I've worked at Starbucks now for the better part of four years, and over these years, I've developed what I call Starbucks ESP, which allows me to predict your order just by looking at you.
<p><img src="/files/u2/starbucks-porn-wi-fi.jpg" alt="Starbucks free Wi-Fi porn" title="Have you seen my nipples?" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="150" height="134" align="right" />Starbucks just announced that on July 1st, they will offer <a href="http://mashable.com/2010/06/14/starbucks-free-wifi/" title="Mashable.com: Starbucks to Offer Free Wi-Fi at All Stores Nationwide">unconditionally free Wi-Fi</a> (always capitalized, like "Internet" and "Mother Nature" and "BP"!) at all of their stores nationwide. I can only speculate potential reasons they didn't implement this earlier, and none of them hold much water (or should I say, coffee): </p>
A list of people you will find at the coffee preparation station and the best way to fuck with them for your own personal amusement.
I am suing the crap out of Dunkin' Donuts. I don't really have a choice. Their coffee burned my soul and they are going to pay dearly for it.
We at Starbucks take coffee very seriously, dating it for six months before we even consider making a breast move. If you would not sell your own mother into white slavery for a good espresso, please just go apply at Tully’s.
The Starbucks 'Coffee Lid Sip Hole Plug Stopper Starbucks Lid': an ultra-clever little mass-produced piece of plastic designed to plug the tiny little two centimeter hole that you're SUPPOSED to drink your coffee from. Way to go, invention nerds.
Oh, I see you staring at me from the other side of this Starbucks, watching in heat as I seductively sip my double-mocha-frappa-chai-latte. The sex is imminent.
<p><span style="font-weight:bold;">Coffee Shop in Tijuana</span><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">This Ain't No Goddamn Novella</span><br /><br />I<br />opened my notebook n<br />dumped sugar and cream in my<br />coffee and wrote four <br />goddamn words when Paco <br />pulled out his pistol and started shootin <br />all of us <br /><br />I apparently missed all