10 Reasons Why Dog Owners in Seattle Made Me Hate Dogs
It’s a street fair, not a dog park. Your unpredictable canine is not having fun and neither am I. You can’t be apart for one hour? Seek therapy.
Tag: Anger
An Apology for Not Drinking at the Party Last Night
Waking up this morning without a hangover was a total bummer, and I fully regret making a conscious decision to do so.
Stages of Grief That You, A Prospective Homeowner, Will Have to Process Before Accepting Your Fate and Becoming a Mole Person
Obsession: Refresh Zillow every three minutes. Ignore texts from your friends. Optimize your meals by blending your food & sipping it from a thermos.
How to Absolutely and Utterly Bomb at an Open Mic
If you hear a man joke, “I’m a real feminist because I would never tell a woman to smile; I yell at them to frown,” then you’ve found the right crowd.
Five Binge-Worthy Shows That Will Help You Forget You are Wasting Your Summer
"Stranger Things": This coming of age sci-fi romp will take you back to a time when you could actually enjoy summer.
Boarding Announcements for the Class Conscious
If you are an emperor, tsar, sultan, raja, or king and wield unconditional power over trembling masses, their majesties are kindly invited to board.
Dos and Don’ts for Parenting When Your “Uncoupling” Involves His and Hers Restraining Orders
Don't ask loudly and rhetorically "See why I divorced her?" of the shoppers gaping at your unholy hissyfit over her congenital tardiness.
Ranking 2019’s Top Ten NBA Free Agent Signings
Season Three of Stranger Things, Chicago Bulls: The Bulls pride themselves on giving fans the best entertainment money can buy.
Pop Music Arrangements You Can Give Your Middle School Strings Class to Distract Them From Your Anger Issues
Hopefully if you bring in "Eleanor Rigby," they will conveniently forget about how you threw a dry erase marker directly at a violist’s eye.
Timeline of the Socially Anxious Navigating a Summer BBQ
1:37 PM: Host will say that, “things should get cooking here in about 5 minutes!” This will be torture and will leave you craving a cheeseburger.
We Are the Feet in the Photo Accompanying Every Humor Piece Ever Written About Sex
There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.
The Sad Tale of the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man
"We have orders from the city to remove that thing from your property. Effective immediately.” He pointed toward the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man.