Mardi Gras: A Spiritual Necessity
Nearby, a woman shits in the street. This symbolism is unclear. But I’m grateful for the diverse and unique ways that others connect with God.
Tag: Alcohol
Major Strasser of the Third Reich Trashes Rick’s Cafe on Yelp
My men and I were subjected to the cruelest act of bullying the world has ever seen, simply because we were singing songs of the Fatherland.
I Was Going to Do Dry January But Then I Was Kidnapped by a Band of Pirates
I’m disappointed in myself for not finishing Dry January (and for raiding Tortuga), but now I have new friends and I learned how to load a powder keg.
Unexpected Items on Bud Light’s New Ingredients Label
Water, harvested from the tears of children whose daddies didn't mean to yell, but dammit it's been a long week, and he's told you three times now.
Painfully Honest L.L. Bean Product Descriptions for Urbanites
What kind of monster doesn’t enjoy flannel? As blue gingham is to spring and summer, flannel is to your fall and winter Tinder photos.
The Lemon Water You Drank in an Attempt to Detox Needs Back-Up
Lemon Water (8:25 AM): This is lemon water do you copy?! We have reached the epicenter of your gut.
Upcoming Hallmark Christmas Movies for the 2018 Season
"The Christmas Countdown": A group of photogenic children frolic by a fireplace and repeatedly exclaim "It's almost Christmas!" for 87 minutes.
Journal Entries Show That Henry Ford Invented the Weekend in Part Because He Loved to Get Wrecked in a Major Way
October 1st, 1926 “Automobiles are fine, but Partybots are the future. I don’t understand why my investors are mad.”
Who Watches Your Instagram Stories at Night
Your mom; Dude you haven't seen since elementary school---didn’t he go to jail?; Memorial account for your deceased friend.
Natural Deodorant Didn’t Stop Me From Sweating, But It Did Stop Me From Raising My Kids
Parents wouldn’t allow their kids over. They told me it was because their kids were allergic to cats, which I would have understood if we had a cat.
A Guy Who Only Eats Animal Crackers Brings His Bumble Date to a Fancy Scandinavian Restaurant
Things had escalated quickly. "The man is messing with you, Leonard. Maybe she dared him. Get out there and get his goddamn order, goddamnit!"
I Dated a Vampire and It Sucked
He used words like “dooth” and “swete”, and I still have no idea what they mean. And his fashion is from the 1300s -- lots of beige-colored tunics.