Heyyy It’s Me, That Cigarette You Want to Smoke When You’re Abroad
We cigarettes just taste better abroad. The exact science is unclear, but it’s probably because we’re free of toxic ingredients like judgmental looks from your friends.
Tag: Europe
What to Do Before Everyone Returns from Italy
Remind yourself that you don’t even like Aperol that much and that everyone who says they do is probably lying, at least a little.
It Helps to Think of Europe as a Powder Keg, a Thing We Can All Picture
Are you picturing the powder keg? Think back to the last time you went out to sea and needed to bring a large amount of gunpowder.
What I Think Will Happen When I Complete Duolingo Beginner French
“Merci,” I respond. “Incroyable,” the driver says, slowly taking off his sunglasses, “You really know your stuff.”
Your Uncle, the World’s Most Notorious Cat Burglar, Announces His Retirement
I don’t know why you are laughing and saying, “sure man, okay” when I relate to you that I had stunning paramours in every major city in Europe.
A Travel Ad for Venice, Italy’s Only City Modeled Entirely on a Las Vegas Resort
So utterly immersive, so totally believable, so deeply transporting that you just might think you are in Sin City.
So You Want to Get Your Generic White Girl Tattoo Removed?
Step Five: Start having doubts about your tattoo, which is looking more and more like a colorable stencil on a paper placemat for kids
Have I Ever Been to Paris?
In Paris, we cry. In Paris we drink too much and enter the wrong apartment, accidentally sleeping in the wrong bed. That’s Paris.
My Name Is, Uh, Señor Greenwood, and I’ll Be Your Substitute Teacher Today
Now, I should say that I don’t speak Spanish, but I do speak un poquito Spanish. Is that bueno with everyone?
A Conversation Between German Chancellor Angela Merkel and the Guy with a Mask Dangling from One Ear at the Speed-N-Go
My mask's jerky hole? Yes, what’s that? It’s a hole for eating jerky. I don’t think that works. Please don’t. Oh, you’re showing me already.
How to Make Your Zoom Meetings More French
Have a visible breakfast of two croissants, orange juice, and a glass of red wine on Zoom. Complain how you had to make the croissants by hand.
If I Can’t Backpack Through Europe, How Am I Supposed to Discover Myself?
How am I supposed to get people to think I’m cultured and experienced if I don’t have the selfies with European landmarks to prove it?