Aaron: Dude, you work at the softball fields, right?
Greg: Yeah.
Aaron: Here's what you need to do. You need to develop a way so that like, when the chicks slide, their uniforms peel off.
Me: Dude, that is just fucking dumb.
Aaron: What? You're telling me it wouldn't be awesome?
Me: No, it would be. But there's no compound out there that melts lycra without damaging skin so it wouldn't work.
Aaron: Well, we need to invent such a compound.
Me: I'll get right on that dude.
Random Chick: Hey, do you want to help me pick up this trash?
Me: No. No I don't.
Greg: How could you say no to that chick?
Me: She wanted me to pick up trash with her.
Greg: Yeah, but she was hot.
Me: So what?
Greg: So she wanted you. She left her group of friends and ran up the side of that hill just to hang out with you, a total stranger.
Me: And?
Greg: Go pick up trash, dude.
Me: Yes sir.
Brianna: This column is fierce.
Me: You think it's bad?
Brianna: No, it's pretty much spot on. I just mean it's kind of mean.
Me: Yeah well, mean begets mean, I guess.
Aaron: Who's getting mean?
Brianna: Forget it.
Aaron: Hey dude, you read.
Me: So?
Aaron: I got a book.
Me: Good for you.
Aaron: I can give it to you.
Me: Thanks.
Aaron: This is so weird. Imagine, ME giving YOU a book.
Me: Real surreal shit, to be sure.
Aaron: Huh?
Greg: You really like to read?
Me: Yup.
Greg: That's cool. Like, is there some trick to that?
Me: I've just always liked it.
Greg: That sucks. I wish there was a trick.
Me: Don't we all.
Me: I already forgot her name.
Lisa: You should like, assign her one. That way, even if you never see her again, she'll always be like Tamara or Jennifer or something.
Me: Why does that matter?
Lisa: It's better than Trash Girl.
Aaron: Yeah but not by much.
Greg: I kind of like Trash Girl. It's like a backwards ass superhero name or something.
Me: Trash Girl it is.
Labels: snippets