Tom: Cubbies are looking good, huh?
Me: Yeah.
Tom: Chaps your ass, don't it?
Me: Yeah.
Tom: Yeah well fuck you? and the St. Louis Cardinals.
Me: Fuck you.
Tom: Well, I can tell by your tone of voice and lack of enthusiasm that this conversation is no fun for you. Your heart's not in it.
Me: Uh huh.
Tom: Good!
Steve: You see, my problem really, when you boil it down, comes down to one thing.
Me: What's that?
Steve: I just don't care. I mean, I really don't.
Me: Care about what?
Steve: About any of it?
Me: Any of what?
Steve: You know, all that bullshit. All those things. All that stuff. It ain't right.
Me: What ain't right?
Steve: Man, how many times do I have to tell you?
Me: Once. But you ain't done it yet.
Steve: Man, fuck you.
Brian: I'll never drink whiskey again, today.
Me: Today's almost over.
Brian: Shut up, will you? I like to make promises I can keep.
Sarah: Do you speak a foreign language?
Me: No.
Sarah: Why not?
Me: Because I never learned a foreign language.
Sarah: Why not?
Me: I'm lazy.
Sarah: Well, at least you admit it.
Craig: Dude, what happened with you and that Jenny chick?
Me: Nothing.
Craig: Nothing since when?
Me: Nothing since mind your own business.
Craig: I'm about to go mind her business.
Me: Better hers than mine.
Craig: You got that right.
Me: So how did you feel about David Beckham's American arrival?
Jake: Who?
Me: The soccer dude who married the Spice Girl.
Jake: What about her?
Me: Him.
Jake: What?
Me: Beckham, dude. The soccer player.
Jake: Fuck soccer, dude.
Me: Good talk.
Labels: snippets