Jessica: So like, I’m taking this swimming class at school, and I just found out that the water is like, really chlorinated and that’s really bad for your hair. So, yeah, I think I’m just gonna drop it.
Jessica: So like, I’m taking this swimming class at school, and I just found out that the water is like, really chlorinated and that’s really bad for your hair. So, yeah, I think I’m just gonna drop it.
Amy: Or you could buy a swim cap.
Jessica: Does that really work?
Amy: Stranger things have happened.
Chase: So, is that your girlfriend?
Me: Well, uh, it’s like, I guess that’s the girl I’m—
Chase: Yeah, my bad, dude. I hate labeling stuff, too.
Horton: So how’d you do?
Me: Lost a hundred bucks.
Horton: Wow. How much you down for the year?
Me: I’m up about two seventy. I had a good week seventeen.
Horton: I’m down eight grand from last year.
Me: Jesus man, that’s a fucking car. Does Sheila know?
Horton: No. She thinks I make about ten grand less a year than I do. It’s what keeps her working and not thinking about kids.
Me: I don’t know how you can be dumb enough to lose eight grand and smart enough to think like that.
Horton: Call it the luck of the Irish.
Me: You ain’t Irish.
Horton: I ain’t lucky, either.
Adam: Dude, she’s a good girl for you. She’s articulate.
Me: Yeah, like that matters.
Adam: It does to you.
Me: What are you, my shrink?
Adam: Man, I hope not.
Mike: Where’d you get that CD?
Me: A girl mailed it to me from San Francisco.
Mike: Like, a random girl.
Me: She likes my writing. I like hers. We talked a little. She sent me a book once, too. She’s a great girl.
Mike: How the hell would you know? She’s all cyber and postage.
Me: I’m gonna let that sentence hang there for a minute.
Chase: You two are good together. Not many people can keep you on your toes.
Me: What are you saying?
Chase: I don’t know. You just like, you bore easily. And you like confrontation. And she’s not afraid to call you on your shit, and she keeps things interesting.
Me: When the fuck, exactly, did life turn into an Oprah episode?
Chase: Around the time guys started frosting their hair, I guess.
Me: Hey man, if she’s anything like she appears through cyber and postage, then she’s a hell of a person.
Mike: And if you were anything like you appeared at work, you’d be a hell of a person.
Me: Why you such a dick?
Mike: Just calling ‘em like I see ‘em, brother.
Me: Yeah, well who asked you?
Mike: That’s the beauty of me. I just offer these things. Seriously, you don’t have to ask. I go the extra mile.
Me: Yeah, to be a dick.
Amy: So, Jessica keeps calling you my boyfriend.
Me: Yeah, you’ll start doing it soon enough, I’m sure.
Amy: No. Not unless you want me to.
Me: Don’t look at me like that.
Chase: You gotta be a pretty brutal motherfucker to kill some random homeless guy with a baseball bat.
Me: Yeah, you won’t get many arguments against that one.
Chase: You know why? ‘Cause it’s true. Some things are just true.
Me: True.
Chase: See. There goes another one.