Staples Easy buttonI got a pretty decent HP printer last week through Slickdeals for $25, then found out the USB printer cable it doesn't come with costs $25.99 at Staples. It was like back in middle school when I'd buy one of those old school boomboxes that didn't come with an A/C adapter only to realize that I wouldn't be able to use it for two months when I could finally afford 20 D batteries on my measly "dishes and trash" allowance. Come to think of it, I should've pilfered my neighbors' trash as a kid to artificially increase our household waste so I could've asked for a raise based on a heavier workload.

Anyway, as shitty as it made me feel to buy a cable more expensive than the entire piece of complex machinery it facilitates the use of, I bought it, because the only thing worse than non-functional complex machinery is self-deception (I had a hunch I could "make it work"—yes, I just quoted my thoughts, it's a bad habit I haven't developed yet but could imagine myself getting into).

A minute later I ended up buying a pack of $1.99 pens separately. The cashier then pulled out a stapler to attach the two receipts and THE STAPLER DIDN'T WORK. That's right, Staples had to abandon their first letter and resort to the TAPLER. Way to stick it to the man, Taples.

USB printer cableWhen I got home, I looked up the cable on Amazon to see how much cheaper I could get it for. You know what I found out? It sells for 1 cent. No, really. With all the pennies I've thrown away in my life, I could've accumulated enough USB cables to thatch a four-story house. Now I know how Staples makes all their money. If Staples sold nothing but USB cords for the next year, they'd still be in business. Let this be a lesson to you, Circuit City. Sorry, Staples, but I'll be returning your little cash cow along with a receipt with the top left corner torn off—I couldn't find my tapler remover.

Speaking of unlikely equipment, funny story about cell phones…. I was about to plug my Blackberry into the wall charger when I was home over Christmas and my dad goes, "Oh no, wait, I've got a charger you can use right in here!" Now, my dad just got his first cell phone ever a few weeks ago (as far as possible from a PDA), so I had a feeling what was about to happen. But, not one to abandon hope entirely, I followed him into the kitchen where he showed me a charger plugged into the wall with a cell phone cradle on the other end. "This one works great, lemme see your phone…" I handed him my phone and watched as the two pieces awkwardly repulsed each other while he tried to make them fit in confusion. It's like when you'd be cybering on AOL back in the day and just after you finished, the other person would be like, "I'm a guy, hahahahaha." I guess there's always a little piece of innocence left to lose.