I was in class today, and the first thing that threw me off was that it was Business class, but yet, standing in front was a WOMAN. I thought I was in the wrong class at first. Is this the kind of change that Obama fellow was talking about? I don't like it. I do not like it…

Anyways, she was the first one to start talking, which also threw me off (speak when spoken to, right?). At one point in the lecture, she tells us, "I don't consider Wikipedia a resource, because anyone can go on and edit that." How fucked up in the head would you have to be to go "it would be really funny to fuck with the Wikipedia page for theory of management contributor Chester Barnard. That guy was a douche. Okay, here we go, Chester Barnard, born 3006, once killed a prostitute with only a paper towel and his imagination. He enjoyed doing meth and playing Sonic the Hedgehog until he passed out in a pool of his own piss, blood, semen, and taco sauce after a 2-week sleepless bender where he became temporarily homosexual and slightly less into going to church. Also, he used to be a woman.

Does anyone else watch Hannah Montana just hoping there's a topless scene?

If I had a nickel for every time I'd smoke crack and have sex with a hooker, that would be awesome because I would be getting paid for smoking crack and fucking hookers.

I was browsing pornographic websites, if you will, for a school project when I see an ad for "The Twitter of Sex." No joke. First of all, what? Second of all, is Twitter really that popular? Why is Twitter the new trend? Fuck, why? When I was growing up, we had awesome shit for trends, like fuckin' Pokemon and wrestling and skateboarding and shit. Now kids get Hannah Montana and Twitter. No wonder suicide among babies is up.

…Third of all, and most importantly, I've never thought to myself "man I wish I could jack off in 140 characters or less. I wish there was a like, a Twitter of sex…"

How come, like, it's not cool to play God with like stem cell research and cloning, but it's cool to play God every time you play the Sims?

I wonder if anyone out there ever is watching Obama give a speech to Congress and thinks to themself, "God damn what I wouldn't do to Nancy Pelosi."