By my calculations, Stoner Chick went 10-2-4 against the spread with her NFL picks, burying me in the win column and the loss column. Basically, I'm on the hook for a huge dinner and will probably have to yield to SC for the remainder of the picks (unless she proves this week to be a fluke). So there you go football fans. A 19 year old girl knows more about football than I. Feel free to rip me mercilessly. I deserve it.

I spent this weekend in seminars to prepare for a state mandated test I have to take tomorrow. At these seminars I learned that a) there are a lot of stupid people out there b) there are a lot of stupid tests out there and c) there are a lot of stupid government agencies out there. Unfortunately this information probably won't be on the exam.

In the grand scheme of things, was it really that important for us to know what Willis was talking about?

If you ever want to make sure that your colleagues leave you alone at business seminars, do not bring any business cards. This is your way of saying, “I have no interest in hearing about your job, and by extension, anything else about you” when someone hands you a business card. You may not realize it now, but this advice probably just saved you a lot of annoying moments. I mean, no one hands you a business card and starts talking about football.

Speaking of football: Old Friend Doug texted me the USF scores all through the seminar, making me the most popular guy in the room for a few minutes. Even the proctor (who said cell phones had to be off and silent) wanted to know the score. Because I told some of the guys in the seminar that Doug would text me every time USF scored, my little text message ring tone gimmick was almost always accompanied by a shout of celebration. It is fun when we're united by what we wish we were doing, but not as fun when we're united by what we are doing. I think that goes without saying, but I'm study fried so I'm leaving it in.

After all these years, I'm still never sure about where to put a comma. I like to think that I use them for aesthetic purposes, like fake breasts and show towels.

And finally, because logic and fluidity need to make sure they get a good night's sober sleep before memory inducing questions pester them for results, I leave you with the following, which I overheard at the seminar:

“Every business is in business to make money.”