The Boston Red Sox are your World Series Champions and there's nothing you can do about it, hosers. I actually tried to watch this game, but by the fifth inning my body convinced me that it just wasn't worth it, that sleep was more important and that I need to get more vitamins in my diet (at least I think that's what it said?I was pretty drunk at the time). At any rate, the Red Sox won and I didn't find out about it until this morning. Which means I probably have something in common with Manny Ramirez.

The congressional approval rating, according to CNN.COM, is twenty two percent. Apparently, the people of the USA do not believe that congress is making any headway on the major issues: health care, the economy and Iraq. When asked for comment, one senior congressional official said, “Wait, those are issues? I thought everyone was worried about steroids in sports and commemorating the career of Brett Favre. Shit, I got to start going to the meetings, you know?”

Here's a pickup line I highly recommend: “They tell me that perfection is unattainable, so tell me perfect, is it true?”

Here's a pickup line I do not recommend at all: “So you seem like a responsible person. Can I have your phone number in case I end up in jail tonight?”

The Nate Way Healthy Food of the Week Award goes to Grape Propel Fitness Water. As we all know, when you're trying to be healthy, you have to drink like four hundred bottles of water an hour or something crazy like that. But Grape Propel Fitness Water not only tastes good (so that you don't mind drinking water) but also provides you with essential vitamins and minerals that work very well at chasing away hangovers. So there you go: a multi-purpose health drink. Really, what more could you want from a water?

Call me an asshole if you like, but I hate dressing up for Halloween. That's why this year I borrowed an idea from my buddy, Babyface. I didn't dress up at all and when people asked me what I was supposed to be, I told them that I was a serial killer. “They look like everyone else,” was my explanation. Yeah, I'm a jerk.

Dane Cook is finally finished telling you how many Octobers there are. (Hint: there's only one.)

And finally, because logic and fluidity are still working out a way to avoid New England fans, I leave you with the following, which my friend Doug emailed me about the World Series:

“I told you it would suck.”