Freaking Love
The pregnancy scare brought us there
To that coffee shop table
To talk.
You told me you would have the kid
And asked me for support
And I balked.
But I had no choice on the matter—
It wasn't my body or my philosophy—
So I agreed to be there
Both in the child's life
And financially.
And so we agreed to get to know each other
Because three weeks does not a friendship make
And we had a crash course on who we were
And discovered that "Us" might not be a mistake.
The days that followed formed our instant relationship.
We weren't perfect for each other
But then who is?
I came to love the way you smile
And laugh
And kiss.
I came to believe
Wholeheartedly
That you were someone I would miss.
We made a few deals that you were cool about:
For every time I came on your face,
Or in your hair
Or on your breasts,
I agreed to come inside of you.
And no matter how many women I coveted
I promised to be true.
We agreed not to talk about politics
Or finance
Or religion.
Which is what it's like in pubs
So I was smitten.
It was all superficial,
This instant romance
But sometimes people are brought together
By random happenstance.
* * *
Yesterday, up at the little league park
I saw a little boy crying alone.
I asked him what was wrong
And in his watery brown eyes I saw home.
He had lost his mom.
I helped him find her and man
Was she hot
And divorced
And grateful—man, was she grateful…
And today when I awoke
The phone rang and it was you
Telling me the pregnancy was ectopic
(and then defining that term)
Basically meaning that we were over
Unless I "really wanted to."
I told you we could try from the beginning
Like couples often do
And then you heard the female voice in the background
Asking whom I was talking to.
The lie was "my sister"
Who you recently learned lives a thousand miles away
I told you that I missed her
And was worried about my future with you
So I asked her to come to Florida
To help me learn to be true.
"Put her on the phone"
You said with most unnerving tone.
"Oops, I think my phone's about to die"
—the weakest of all bullshit lies.
And so the evil text messages arrived
(Wow, you have a dirty mouth.
If I had known you were such a freaky bitch
I might not have wanted out.)
And as my day unwound
My thoughts drifted to you
And everything we could have been
If I could have been true.
And so I ask you for one more chance
To show my love for you.
I promise I will come where you want
And pick my clothes up off the floor
I promise to give you everything I got
Because I think I love you,
You freaky whore.