How Umbrellas Break (A Chart)

“Your father wants to drive you to the airport and have a talk with you,” my mom said. Even at the ripe young age of 32, these words scared the crap out of me.

"Did I forget to mention that your uncles and I are immune to poison ivy? Doesn’t do shit to us. So maybe you’ve got a 50/50 chance of catching that gene, son."

Originally, I bought the zipper tie as a joke, but since nobody in my family wears ties except for me, I thought I may as well give this one a shot.