If any of you dear readers are considering a career in investment or finance, I have a piece of advice for you: stay glued to government policy and the federal reserve. They decide everything.

Recently, thanks to the subprime mortgage collapse which resulted from the government setting interest rates super low and lowering the required credit score for a loan (then raising the interest rates and raising the required credit score for a loan, making it impossible for those with bad credit to refinance), the federal reserve decided to print like a trillion bucks or something and give it to all the banks. They also lowered the rates from which banks borrow from each other in case they want to bail each other out. Pretty sweet deal if you're a bank, but the owners of said loans will reap no benefits from this.

Had the government used all the money they printed to and given it away to every American family, we would all have like a million dollars or something (I'm bad at math) but they didn't do that. That would be communism.

Of course, giving the same amount of money to businesses is also goddamn communism but no one notices that because the government has tricked us into believing that corporatism is capitalism. It's not. It's socialism. It's government ownership of business, which is as anti-American as it gets and well, it's also the most common American policy of the last four administrations.

Now, what does any of this have to do with His Coreness, Ron Paul?

Well, Paul believes that corporatism is tyranny and that under no circumstances should the government print money to bail out any corporate entity. He also doesn't believe that any government should get to dictate to its people, what its money is worth, how much goods have to be sold for and at what rate we can borrow at. If Paul had his way, government oversight of business practices would be the beginning and the end of government involvement in business. The way it is now, it is impossible for even an informed analyst to tell where the government ends and the banks begin. Over the years, the two have become one in the same.

Now, some of you may be thinking that none of this subprime mumbo jumbo affects you. But the result of the government printing money is inflation. And it's coming in a big way. Those of you who are business savvy might cite CPI stats and consumer confidence in the stock market (two important tools when evaluating the market, no doubt) as looking too good to make that assumption. But to you savvy sacks I type the following: watch the price of food.

Inflation of goods is a tax. Ron Paul wants to end inflation. Doing so would mean that the government would have to stop its controlling influence on the economy. Doing so would make us all richer (yes, even us poor people). And doing so would give control back to the people who foolishly think they're free.

And that, ladies, gentlemen and total assholes, would be totally core.

Labels:

Join comedy classes at The Second City: Writing Satire for the Internet, Sketch Writing, and Writing for TV & Film start Feb 29. Use code "PIC" for 10% off by phone.