Dear faithful readers,

We have another plagiarist in our midst.

While it would be repetitive for me to draft an article for my column calling this loser out, I consider it perfectly reasonable to do so here.

After being alerted by Nick Gaudio that he had found several more people ripping off his shit, I searched for some of my stuff and turned up a couple hits. All but one gave me proper due for my hard work*. But that one. Oh, that one. He’s not giving up easily.

* Thank you to everybody who posted my stuff on their own webspace and had the sound conscience to give me credit. I love y’all.

The original: Unsolved Mysteries of the Hangover

The copy: Hangovers

It should be noted that, after calling him out as the plagiarist he is, two of “his” other articles — my “CSI: The Home Game” and Nate's “The Road to Becoming a Good Person” — mysteriously vanished from his site. The above is the only one that remains, but the bastard refuses to comply with my requests and, frankly, I want to see the mother fucker burn.

The following is a series of messages sent over MySpace between myself and the douchebag in question, after I called him out in his blog. Please peruse them and heed my request at the end, if so compelled.


From: I Heart Strippers/Dancers

Date: Apr 11, 2006 11:28 AM

Actually… no. I use to have the link up to their website but I removed it last year. Which is when I put this stuff up. Good website, most everyone on here finally saw it. Couldnt get people to go to it, so I put up articles on my blog to get them to go see it, and it worked. Now its old news and I havent found any other good website for everyone to go visit. So instead of being an ass about it, how about asking? And no one reads the old blogs anymore. Dont like it? Sue me captain.


From: O.P.P.
Date: Apr 11, 2006 12:44 PM

So, on your post from June 18th, 2005 (also taken from Points in Case), your friend here was definitely aware this wasn't written by you?

“My favorite part was at the end when you said…”Berkeley researchers have revealed that contrary to popular belief, people who can't dance when they're sober, still can't dance when they're drunk.”-lol…I was rollin' laughin' at the visual on that so true of an insight!-lol. Mad props on your blogs buddy.


Not only was there no mention of the source in the article, but you didn't bother to correct Jenn after she showered you with praise. No one at Points in Case has a financial stake — besides the guy who runs the site — so being complimented on our work is the only compensation we get.

Instead of being a criminal about it, all you have to do is include some sort of credit in the post (i.e. written by _____ of I understand this may be tiresome after sleepless nights of copying and pasting, but I think you're capable of it.

No one's going to get sued over this, but it's funny that you should taunt me with that phrase, because people get sued for plagiarism all the time. That was poor word choice on your part, probably because I didn't write it first.


From: I Heart Strippers/Dancers

Date: Apr 11, 2006 3:53 PM

like i said…. have a field day. look at the dates, look at the other posts, everyone knows my writing style. What more can I say? I can't imagine having a conversation via a blog posts, seeing as telephone and email work so much better, but it's hard to read to 100+ people over the phone. Maybe one day we can do that, but as of last year, and this for that matter…, it's not possible. If you'd like, you can read the rest of my blogs, and then, you'd see my style, all my praise, directed to me, created by me, and please notice the stark contrasts. If not, have a great day! Oh, the suing offer still stands, because, if you are just dying to know, plagiarism?, yeah, you may wanna look that up. What we have here is closer to textbook copyright violation, and in that instance, you or the owner of the work, must prove ownership at time of creation, and then you must give written request for removal of copyrighted material, and the process moves forward from there. Just some basically fancy kiss my asses and what not… blah blah blah… But, that's what you've got, not plagiarism. Just go old american copyrighted material infringement. Keep your head up buddy!


From: O.P.P.
Date: Apr 11, 2006 5:59 PM

From (which I consider to be a more reliable source for definitions than “some guy who stole my shit”)


v : take without referencing from someone else's writing or speech; of intellectual property

The fact of the matter is you copied works from my friends and myself, then posted them without crediting us. While YOU know you didn't write it, and I know you didn't write it, the casual observer does not know that.

I don't doubt that you're intelligent enough to write original material. I mean, you have obviously mastered the simultaneous operation of the “Ctrl” and “C” keys, so your skillset knows no bounds.

I'm asking that you either give us credit or remove the works in question.

Keep your head up (your ass), buddy.


From: I Heart Strippers/Dancers

Date: Apr 11, 2006 7:10 PM

Find me. Get a judge to tell me to remove uncredited albiet no gain works, and I'll remove them. Until then, have a good one buddy!


I don’t think this mother fucker has any idea who he’s dealing with. It’s obvious he didn’t see what happened to Steve Hill. What I want you, the loyal reader, to do is flood this guy’s MySpace with hateful messages until he surrenders. I know we can do this. I saw the feedback from Nick’s article.

Here’s the link. Plagiarizing Jizz Funnel

Just so you know, all comments for his main page must be approved by King Cockswallower himself. HOWEVER, the blog is fair game. Also, feel free to send him messages, comment on his pictures, or add him as a friend with the intent of flaming him soon after. I want this poopdeck-swabbing ass pirate to feel like the piece of shit that he is.

Have at it.

Update: Apparently, Captain Copyright here has set his profile to private. Do not let that discourage you. You can still message his MySpace account or send him text messages on his phone, as one reader astutely pointed out.