The endless stream of salacious stories about Charlie Sheen and his philandering ways is barely newsworthy at this point. I mean…everybody knows Charlie's a huge trick so who gives a shit?

Whatever…somebody e-mailed me a link so I could catch up on the latest episode in the drama that Mr. Sheen's life surely is, and a couple of facts of the case brought a smile to my face. The first is…the bitch, who confesses she's simply all about money…never got paid. AND she got terrorized by a madman…named CHARLIE SHEEN.

Another "LOL" in the deal was the reason she never got paid. Charlie couldn't find his wallet when she insisted on receiving her money before they had sex. And he accused HER of stealing it. Now there's a new one: A hooker stealing money? Preposterous! That's like a cab driver having a fast meter!

Well anyway…in an irony of all ironies, the hooker actually had NOT stolen his wallet (for a change). Charlie's cash was in the custody of his trusted assistant—who was fucking another hooker down the hall (Charlie ordered hookers for his entire crew). But the "Two and a Half Men" star didn't know that and flew into a rage when he thought HIS hooker had the wallet!

The reality of this situation is…if the money-grubbing hooker had just trusted Charlie for the money, she'd have been paid. But oh no! "No money no honey, Mr. Celebrity" was her business decision…and she paid the price finding herself 12 grand lighter than she would have been if she'd just let the guy do his thing and trusted that one of the entourage would come up with the "donation."

Oh well! I don't know who was a bigger fool in this deal…Charlie for once again blowing the lid off his personal life…or the ho for not understanding that if Charlie fucked her and tried to stiff the girl, she'd have so many ways to blackmail the son-of-a-bitch, there was no way she wouldn't eventually get her money.

Bottom line? I call it a tie! And this piece should be entitled "Be Careful With Two Fools," as clearly, neither was thinking with a level head last Tuesday morning.

P.S. A quick disclaimer: Not all escorts are as trashy as Charlie's little porn star. And not all tricks are as hopeless as Charlie. I could have referred to his girl and Charlie himself in less derogatory terms but given the circumstances why euphemize? She's a ho and he's a trick. Period. No need to don the rose-colored glasses with those two. Now, I'm really out!