By Court Sullivan

Wow, I can't WAIT for the July 4th bombings! I'll be in NYC tomorrow night, attending the Macy's “World's Largest Bombing Display” for the first time!

Apparently, four barges stationed between 23rd and 42nd Streets in the East River will set off 20,000 aerial shells and special effects, making the sky both enormously loud and “smoky as hell,” according to the New York Fire Department. NYPD also plans to be there, pledging to try their hardest to knock out more bombs this year with their shoulder-mount anti-bomb missiles in a game they play with the Macy's sponsors every year.

Personally, my favorite bombs every year are those sparkly ones that glitter in the sky, then pour molten shrapnel on the crowd, and those other ones that just make a HUGE booming sound, followed by slight cracking in the earth.

But I especially love the end, when they detonate like 5,000 bombs all in a row to the “Theme from Rocky/God Bless America” remix over the loudspeakers, followed by a pre-recorded, Mock Declaration of War via satellite TV from the White House. Meanwhile, the crowd goes crazyscreaming for more hot shrapnel I guess! Or maybe for a real war, who knows!

I just hope the Macy's people don't win this year!

Now take a look at last year's pictures:

Pictures from the 2001 Macy's
“World's Largest Bombing Display”

Here's the Macy's crew getting all “fired up” before the festivities. Everything is arranged so neatly! Must be their retail store display experience.

“What the hell am I supposed to do with THESE?!”
Here's NYPD's “Chief of Anti-Bomb Missiles.” He looks a little worried that he might not have enough ammunition to hold Macy's off for long.


This is my favorite bomb, “Hot, Glittering Shrapnel.” Ouch!

THere's a bomb (on the left) that got shot down by NYPD before it could fully detonate. NYPD: 1 Macy's: 18,306! On with the show!

AlAlas, the festivities must come to an end…after all, Macy's must be able to have 4th of July blowout sales. After the Grand Finale and the Mock Declaration of War by President Bush, the crowd went crazy, screaming and chanting “More Bombs! More Bombs!” They even started beating on a giant, empty drum and dancing for the Bomb Gods! Good times!

These are some small, recreational, Class C hydrogen/atom bombs my 7-year-old cousin bought after being inspired by the show.

This is the picture my 7-year-old cousin drew of the bombs he launched off of our roof into the air above my family, onlooking in delight!