Yaro Shepherd

School

York University

Class of

2014

Hometown

Ontario

At a Glance

I live in Toronto, Ontario (Canada for those who don't know) and I'm probably the second funniest person I know, but I'm the funniest person I know who has the time to write a weekly column. I like roller coasters and I'm scared of a zombie apocalypse.

Bio

I was born in West Philadelphia where I was also raised and I spent most of my days playing basketball at the local playground. One day, these guys who were making trouble in my living area confronted me and I got into a fight. As a result, my mom got scared and sent me off to live with my Uncle and Aunt in Bel-Air.

Column


 

A thorough, intelligent examination of the male psyche and the pressures of society, sprinkled liberally with boobs and drinking.

Kanye West's "Cruel Summer": The Lost Script

Last week at the Cannes Film Festival, a fashion designer by the name of Kanye West premiered his feature film, Cruel Summer. I got my hands on the original script.
May 29, 2012

Is Rick Ross Forming His Own Avengers?

While the outsider may see Rozay's recent roster signees as a "sign of the times," he's actually fulfilling a dream he's had since childhood: forming his own Avengers.
May 15, 2012

5 Tips to Avoid Getting Shot on Campus

While it may seem that the only logical solution is to simply avoid going to class, I have five foolproof alternatives that are sure to save your life in a school shooting.
Mar 21, 2012

Your First Rap Concert

Since you've never been to a rap concert before this one, you're unsure of what to expect. How many people will be there? Who's opening? Will it be safe?
Feb 17, 2012

A Letter from Lana Del Rey to Her Father

Hi Daddy, What I need most of all is money. And no, before you roll your eyes at me this money is not for something stupid like studio time or an education, it's for my lips!
Feb 8, 2012

Look at My Fucking Canada Goose Jacket!

Do you know what this jacket means?! It means I'm warm as fuck right now! I have a long day ahead of me, but I sure as hell won't be as cold as you idiots in your moderately priced winter clothes!!
Dec 28, 2011

You Can Camp, But You Can't Hide From the Occupocalypse

People all over North America have suddenly lost the will to work, opting instead to live out their urban camping fantasy in New York, even in the face of impending doom.
Dec 6, 2011

How to Keep Your Genitals Off the Internet

Even people like Scarlet Johansson can't count on the help of the FBI to catch crotch shot photogs, so what are common peasants like you and I supposed to do to keep our genital gems guarded?
Oct 14, 2011

Corporate Office Limericks

You'll most likely be asked to work late, so the boss doesn't end up irate. To avoid confrontation, and sleep deprivation, take a nap on the most overweight.
Sep 26, 2011

A Reply to Warren Buffett, From the Ultra-Mega-Rich

You ask for a "shared sacrifice" from the ultra-rich, and that's very cute in theory, but I'm a super villain and I have an army to equip, a lair to furnish, and peasants to squash. So go fuck yourself.
Aug 19, 2011

Resignation Letter from a Hipster

The following is a resignation letter from Gabriael Coqurnilius, the most respected man in The Aristocracy, a society as secretive as Skull and Bones and as influential as The Illuminati.
Aug 1, 2011

Open Mic Surgery

Choosing a summer activity to pass the long days can be tough. If you find yourself in a dark, musty room no fire marshal has ever set foot in, you're probably at an open mic comedy show.
Jul 22, 2011

So You Got Your Girlfriend Pregnant...

If you're reading this, it's probably because you're in desperate need of advice and have nowhere left to turn. Here's a rundown of your options.
Jun 6, 2011

Is Tyler the Creator the Next Osama bin Laden?

How do you explain a group of 18-60 assorted teenagers from California dispensing hardcore, destructive rap antics to thousands of American youth? New age terrorism.
May 16, 2011

Hippy's Guide to Facebook

Having a normal profile in this day and age just isn't enough; if you want to stand out you'll have to pepper it with some simulated sophistication wherever you can.
Apr 19, 2011

An Open Letter to My Fellow Bus Passengers

Since we're all in this together, I think it's important to look at some of the key issues that are making our time together less enjoyable and work together to fix them.
Apr 6, 2011

Did You Hear What Happened in Japan?

As someone who doesn't care for the outside world, news of this week's quake didn't shake me up as much as everyone else. But seriously, have you guys heard about Japan?
Mar 16, 2011

Going Sheen

Everyone's life needs a little excitement, so I've created this simple cheat sheet to help you go Sheen on life's obstacles. You are a winner, correct?
Mar 3, 2011

Stop Laughing, It's Not Funny

Unfortunately, laughter has replaced smiling as the socially accepted way to react to something, whether it's funny or not. Now we're all walking laugh tracks.
Feb 22, 2011

Polytheism for the Modern Day College Student

Too long have we worshipped boring or jealous Gods that don't turn into bulls and ravage young virgins. It's time for a religious throwback to the worship of the Olympic Gods.
Jan 25, 2011

I Like This

What happened in April 2010 that was so cataclysmic it changed the way we interact online? Facebook's 'like' button was introduced.
Jan 16, 2011

How to Grow a Bromance in Three Easy Steps

The male-to-male relationship is one of the hardest to cultivate in nature, and as such, should be handled carefully. Follow this simple three-step plan and watch your next bromance blossom.
Dec 31, 2010

How to Be a Modern Artist

The job market today sucks. If you're smart, you've decided to tap into your creative side to make a fortune in art. You can't outsource creativity, right?!
Dec 13, 2010

Is "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" Really That Perfect?

Rolling Stone and Pitchfork both gave 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy' a perfect score. Not a great score, not an 'almost amazing, a perfect score. Is it deserved?
Dec 3, 2010

The Top 3 Women to Date Over the Holidays

I've done the footwork for you and narrowed it down to the top three women that are perfect to date this holiday season; think of these as product reviews for pussy.
Nov 28, 2010

Gay or Fat: The Most Important Choice You'll Ever Make

With so many people being bullied because of their sexual orientation, I think it’s time we took a hard look at who actually has it worse, gay or fat people.
Oct 28, 2010

Alternatives to the Tattoos You THOUGHT You Should Get

There are only so many Chinese symbol tattoos you can get before you start to look like a take-out menu. That's why I suggest the following alternatives for you to consider when getting inked.
Oct 8, 2010

The Revolutionary Labor Agreement Necessary for Sports Reform

It's time for players to really step up their involvement in the community, and learn to accept no money in return for their labor... including the 'playing sports' part.
Sep 7, 2010

Welcome to Internet Country, The Most Hateful Place on Earth

The strongest type of hate that a person can experience will come from the internet. No other vehicle can both deliver both breaking news and vengeful punishment simultaneously.
Aug 5, 2010

Ron Artest: A Tru American Hero

Ron Artest is an enigma, surrounded by a paradox, wrapped up in a non sequitur, and covered with bleached blonde hair with something shaved into it.
Jun 25, 2010

I Don't Even Watch Soccer

Summer 2010 is special, because the World Cup is on. I'm not sure if you've heard, probably due to the vuvuzelas droning out all other noise in the area.
Jun 17, 2010

BP Oil Executive: Slicker than Your Neighborhood Spill

Through this whole spill though, the one thought that kept going through my mind was, 'Wow, BP Oil Executive is a great career path.'
Jun 11, 2010

Sports Genie Grants One Wish

The sports genie is freed and he will let you pick any sport in the world and make you the greatest player to ever play it! Choose wisely.
Jun 4, 2010

RIP MILFs, Hello Cougars

Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the end of an era. MILFs have evolved into a new species, one which chooses to hunt rather than be hunted: the cougar.
May 24, 2010

Why the Movie Theater Experience Sucks Now

Why has the movie theater experience sucked over the last 5 years? Four reasons: too many commercials, shitty trailers, cell phone warnings, and 3D overkill.
May 13, 2010

Clash of the Titans: Rap Moguls Collide

A cheat sheet for everything you need to know about the three titans of the rap business (aka whoring yourself out): Jay-Z, P Diddy and Birdman.
Apr 27, 2010

Things Black People Can Wear That I Can't

If you know a white guy who wears sunglasses indoors, excessive jewelry, or straight-brimmed hats, please lecture him immediately.
Apr 15, 2010

How Hipsters Ruin Lives

Hipsters have taken all the little things that make a person interesting and unique, and cluster-fucked them into a giant, ironic package.
Apr 8, 2010

The Game is to Be Told, Not to Be Sold

The book 'The Game' by Neil Strauss and has been providing seduction help for five years. But I'm here to tell you a huge secret: it's all a scam.
Apr 1, 2010

Comedy Articles


So You've Decided to Buy an Ed Hardy Shirt
Let me congratulate you on this new chapter in your life, one filled with glitter, embroidery, and fucking girls who like shiny objects (that's you).
Feb 16, 2010


The Five Stages of the Female Clinger
'Clinger' is a term for a girl who simply refuses to give a man any free time to himself. Here are the 5 stages, each progressively more aggressive.
Jan 7, 2010


Everybody Knows One: The Mooch, The Stoner and The Competitive Friend
Everyone has the same group of friends, and like it or not you’ll know these people for years to come. This series aims to explore
Dec 11, 2009


An Open Letter to the Guy at Work Who Thinks We're Friends
When I first met you, you seemed like a normal guy. After 3 weeks, I now know that you may very well be the annoying child of Satan.
Oct 2, 2009


The Inner Monologue of a Guy Smoking Weed for the First Time
So you've decided to let the newbie take a hit of the bong, just so he doesn’t feel left out. Now he's in for the worst skull-fuck of his life.
Aug 23, 2009


How to Get the Most Out of a Massage Parlor Visit
Your mind is flooded with thoughts: How much would this sort of thing cost me? Do I get a handjob? Is this illegal? Are they all Asian?
Jul 29, 2009