Everyone in This Coffee Shop Is Having a Meet-Cute Except for Me
What makes the spills so frequent, the meets so cute? Is it the cheap, lopsided mugs?
Tag: Stories
I Am the Last Drop of Yogurt, Begging to Be Thrown Away
I don’t want you to fight for me. Believe me, a disproportionate amount of effort will be needed to capture me. I need you to know that I am not worth it.
I’m Announcing My Candidacy for God
Our universe needs a leader who will fight for you, and I am confident I will be that leader.
I’m a Phone and I’m Wasting My Life Staring at This Human
The man drains my battery from the second he wakes up to the second he falls asleep, leaving only a few hours for me to charge overnight.
I Am the Stain That’s Already Ruined Your Favorite Sweater
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
Why I Am No Longer Friends with Nostradamus
He ruined the endings of TV shows, some of which haven’t been made yet. He reminded me to shovel the snow in July.
Julie, If You’re Reading This Message in a Bottle, I’m Breaking Up with You
I hope you’re walking somewhere along the western coast of the United States and that you find this bottle before our wedding on Thursday.
I Regret Cheating on My Girlfriend, Cindy, Who Is Also Clay County’s Emergency Alert System Coordinator
Regarding Alert 4, "Hurricane Steve Who Can't Keep It In His Pants" will not make landfall anytime soon.
We’re Trying for a Nepo Baby
But this time we’re producing our biggest blockbuster yet—our sweet, precious nepo baby!
I’m a Hostage Who Can’t Stop Focusing on How This Bank Robber’s Fly Is Down
Was it like that at the hideout and in the getaway car coming here, and no one told him? Oof. No one must like this guy.
Attention Passengers: The Captain Has Turned on the Applause Sign
You can resume your nap shortly, sir, but right now, this crew needs your support.
What I Imagine a Cyclist Thinks Will Happen If They Don’t Wear Their Skin-Tight Outfit
When I explain to them that this has never happened before and it’s only because I’m not wearing the proper attire, they laugh even harder.