A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to write a few columns about strip clubs—by far and away, my favorite subject—for Court Sullivan and Company. One of the comments left for me was from a woman named Bunni who claimed to be an exotic dancer. Later, after exchanging a few emails, Bunni informed me that, in addition to being a stripper, she is also a published author, teacher, and graduate student.

Well, I think you know what I thought. I thought, “Bullshit.”

You see, I’ve known many strippers in my life, and only one of them was even slightly like Bunni. Strippers, for the most part, well, they have problems. I’ll spare you the details, but trust me when I type that strippers are usually not teachers, usually not working on masters degrees, and usually not publishing academic books. Bunni, on the other limb, well, she’s different.

So, because I think that many of my readers would love to know a little bit more about what makes Bunni tick, and because she was polite enough to submit her picture, I have decided to interview her here on The Nate Way. I have questions and she, hopefully, has answers.

Here we go.

NDG: What do you love the most about living in New York?
BUN: Probably the people. They’re mostly all rude assholes who are more than likely drunk/stoned 90% of the time and they’d rather run you over while you’re changing a tire than help you out (to the guy in the Hummer last week: if you’re reading this, fuck you. And you know owning a Hummer in Manhattan means you’re over compensating for something, right?), but, all in all, it’s a great city for people-watching and random conversations with bums.

NDG: What did you hate the most about the man who provided you with the best sex of your life?
BUN: The best sex of my life was not with a man, but if I had to go with the best man, then I hated the fact that he had a special ring for his mother; and if she’d call while we were mid-coitus, he’d stop to pick up the phone. But it was really good sex so I didn’t want to leave him too quickly.

NDG: What’s your least favorite moment as an exotic dancer?
There are two. First: when my father found out that I was dancing. And second: the time a guy blew his load while I was giving him a lap dance. I swear I was in the shower for three hours trying to feel clean again.

NDG: What was your favorite moment as an exotic dancer?
BUN: Every time there’s a bachelor party in the club. They’re always fun and they tip big.

NDG: I understand you to be religious. How has your religion affected the way you see this current generation of malcontents?
BUN: Holy fuck, that’s a hard one. Why didn’t you tell me I was going to have to think tonight? A lot of the problem is that people are quick to give up their faith and belief in God. And those who are fanatical about their religions twist the teachings to use religion as a reason to hurt people who they believe harm them. There are two extreme points of view, and they clash too much to get along. So I’d say mostly I feel sorry for all of them because they’re missing something that is so good, no matter what religion they are.

NDG: When are you coming to Tampa, Florida?
BUN: Anytime you want me to, Sweets. Just say the word.

NDG: And finally, if I let you write the ending of this piece, what would you write?
BUN: I have no idea. I’ll just give you my favorite expression. When life gives you lemons, ask for tequila and salt.