A few weeks ago, I wrote about a dream I had wherein Joe Gibbs told me that I needed to pick his team, the Washington Redskins, because of the resulting internet karma push that every team needs. I told Mr. Gibbs that he was making stuff up and he slapped me, hard, across the face.
A few weeks before that, I received a disparaging email from a reader named Joel, who bashed (currently injured quarterback) Chris Simms and my lowly Buccaneers. I was not happy with Joel’s email, and stated as much to him in my reply.
Well, just the other day, after the World Series ended, I received the following email from Joel:
Goddamnit motherfucker, FUCK! I had two futures bets, one with the Mets at +601 odds to win the World Series and the other with the Tigers at +1356 odds. Over the course of 12 games those ass clowns from St. Louis destroyed all hopes of either one hitting. I assume this is karma’s response to me sending an unsolicited e-mail taunting an Internet writer’s favorite football team. But she couldn’t stop there could she? No, she had to ensure that this was the worst World Series broadcast ever. I mean Tim McCarver is painful enough, but Fox actually put on a fucking Jeff Weaver montage, accompanied by the song ‘Ain’t no other man.’ Fuck, but I’m happy for you Nate. Really, I am.
And then I got to thinking about Joe Gibbs slapping me across the face in my dream. And then I got to thinking about internet karma. And now, I think I have to address this issue, which is a shame because I’m not sure what I’m typing about.
(Yeah, like that’s ever stopped me before.)
I don’t know exactly what karma is. Some say it can be summed up best as “what goes around comes around.” But I think there’s a lot more to it than that. I’m just not sure what. But I know what happens to people when they watch sports. They perform strange rituals to keep their teams alive, and when those rituals appear to work, said people don’t stop doing them. And maybe, however slightly possible, the collective will of thousands upon thousands of fans (not actually at the games) can actually influence a game or two?maybe even a series or two. This is not likely, but so what?
And then there’s the internet, which The Nate Way best defines as: weird. And one obvious thing about the internet is that it connects people quickly on a very superficial level. So, if fans can actually influence the game with their vibes and rituals, why can’t they do the same thing through the internet?
And that brings me to a World Series that was won by a team that no one (besides me) picked to win. The jokes that circulated via emails about that team, the dot com sports writers who offered nothing but painful insults toward that team and all the other crap that was posted or sent offered one common message: your team sucks and they will lose.
And maybe that was enough of a push. Maybe, all the negativity swirled through cyberspace and met up with destiny, who was possibly just a little pissed about the bad karma that whipped through the crooked winds of computer connected haters. And maybe, just maybe, because the internet is so goddamn common now, that was enough karma to help a team win.
And if that is indeed the case, then thanks for the email, Joel.
Oh, and I advise everyone out there in internet land to mind your Ps and Qs.
‘Cause, as I’m sure Joel can attest, karma is a bitch.