(This is the stuff that gets me through the days and nights.)
Hello, my name is KC and I'm an addict. I can't live without the white stuff. Marching powder. Snow. Numb Gum. The Real Thing. Candy. Medication. The White Pony. Miami Madness. Whatever you want to call it.
Yes, it's true. I rely on the white powder to get me through my days and nights. I don't care who knows it and who judges me for it. I can still do my job. I never meant to get addicted, it just happened.
It all started my first few weeks of college at South Dakota State University. Then it just, um, snowballed into an actual habit. Some of the regular stuff lost its effect and I needed to go more hardcore, but whatever.
I do it usually every day before work, always after a shower, and usually before going out. Maybe I'll burn through a gram a day. Maybe more. I've disposed of about 20 grams on one hot Fourth of July a few years ago. Who knows how much I did during my last stay in Vegas?
I've done it behind girlfriends' backs, during school hours, after swim meets, at my parents' house, fuck, even a few times at weddings. Am I a scumbag? You tell me.
I feel better doing a wee bit of white stuff than just about anything. I get paranoid when it's been too long before hits. I won't have sex without it. I certainly won't go to bars without it. I've inadvertently gotten friends addicted to it to, but hey, they're adults. I'm positive some people have overdosed, but nobody I know has ever died from it, so what's the big deal?
Yes, I need it to work, but I work BETTER and LONGER hours when I do it. Shit, sometimes in the middle of the day I run to the bathroom just to recharge myself. Half the people I know do it. I'm sure the other half wishes they had the balls or the money for the powder. Nobody admits it, but it's true.
What nobody seems to understand is how good it feels. After a quick one, you can just close your eyes and nothing really matters except for that moment. It's never as good as the first time, but close enough to be worth living for.
And since when is it a crime to feel good? Man, this is an effed-up world. Sure, the powder sensation is short-lived, but that's all it takes for me. You don't see me judging the rest of you people. I'm sure you've all got skeletons in your closets. So what if mine wakes me up in the middle of the night? Or if I get anxious if I forget my supply when I'm vacation? Or if the fact that other people don't do "it" I sometimes think they're clueless to how great and fulfilling life can be with a few bumps of marching powder.
And furthermore, I guarantee most of you have done it, or are doing it right now. If not, you don't know what you're missing. Just a few seconds in the bathroom and you're on Cloud Nine. Tingly. Top of the world. Cool. Fresh. Awesome. Funnier than usual. Most of all, chill.
So go ahead. Judge me. Hate me. Despise me. Report me to the authorities even. I don't care. I've been putting a handful of Gold Bond Medicated Powder on my nuts every day for a dozen years, and if I survive another dozen, I'll cradle my balls with a little bit of tingly goodness every chance I get. And if you haven't tried coating your boys with a singular powder that not only prevents excessive sweating but feels soooooo good, go out to the nearest Walgreens, Walmart, or whatever store and do yourself, and your testicles a favor. Put your hands down your pants and GB up.
Unfortunately, if you're a girl, I don't think there's anything that can compare. Maybe Icy-Hot on your nips?
(You see him? That's a satisfied customer. For life.)