Every so often I get some PIC reader email that makes you go “WOOOW.”

Here are a couple…

Well, I was just reading your article about the birds and the bees and I think that it is sad that parents are feeling uncomfortable to talk to there children. Fair enough they feel uncomfortable but why should we go through puberty without knowing anything and having to learn everything from friends, and the sex education class at school. People that have never had the ‘bees and the birds talk often ask embarrassing questions in class and have to face tourment and having people talk about them behind their back. No teenager should have to go through that. Maybe parents should swallow their pride and just tell us about it.

The level of irony here is amazing. The fact that someone is intelligent enough to construct such a psychological and parental analysis, yet has NO IDEA what sex is or how it works, is truly a paradigm for home-schooled kids.

Anyway, LISTEN UP PARENTS: Your kids don't want the latest Nikes, or the coolest backpack, or the Nintendo Wii… what they WANT is a good ‘ol fashioned TALKING TO. Parents, I challenge you to pull your tail (or whatever else) out from between your pathetic legs and tell your precious rascals how exactly they came to be. And Dad, don't grow a vagina and leave out the part about how the bee initially tries to sting the bird, but the feathers really aren't doing it for him, so he just kind of flies around 'til he gets a good buzz on, and then finally pulls the stinger out and releases the venom immediately upon entry. Neither the birds nor the bees ever expected to get pregnant either.

NEXT EMAIL…

Do you think you could possibly find some women out there who can write something humorous? Sure the women who write on here might be good writers but I'm sick and tired of reading articles about how men are a shit every single week. It's getting a little redundant. If you're going to have women writers on here you should find some that can actually write something good or just get rid of them

Okay, so let me get this straight: we have women who might be good writers, but we don't have women who can write good? I think if we're going to get rid of anything, it should be YOUR redundancy, because it really brings down the overall quality of your argument. But since we're smart enough to deduce what you meant to say here, I'm going to examine your assessment.

First of all, I don't believe the female writers on PIC shit on men every week. But more importantly, are you missing the fact that the male writers on PIC shit on WOMEN as often as vice versa? Let's take a look at some potential “shit-on-the-other-sex” article headlines from the past couple of months for Comparison's sake (here at PIC, we like to take care of Comparison, for Perspective's sake—Perspective is much needier).

From Oct 2006…

Simonne: Stop All This Relationship Drama
E. Mike: Thelonius Pipe-Layre's Introductory Guide to Dating

The first ACCUSES women of shitting on men and attempts to remedy that, the second demonstrates ways in which men can shit on women when they don't put out on dates.

From Sept 2006…

Ali: So You Farted in His Bed
Nathan: How to Treat Your Women

The first tells women how NOT to shit on men (literally), the second explains to men exactly how much shit they can get away with giving to women (based on their sexual status).

I guess the point both of these emails are trying to make is: PIC SHOULD FOSTER A MORE HONEST AND WHOLESOME ENVIRONMENT.

Starting next week, all articles will be sent to a Quaker community in New York for guidance and approval before publication. Please bear with us, this must be done via media mail.

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